I guess I'll stop writing hoob+greggo on notebook covers.

Congrats, hoob!

Bought the wife a nice bike after marriage, but getting her on it has been difficult. She has never ridden on a trail and it looks like she hasn't been on a bike in about 45 years.

So we are working on stamina and skill for the gal. We've been on the Bridgeport a couple of times, and we've ridden on a flat trail at Weatherford twice. So she's getting better. And I am patient.

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My favorite trail of all time, Johnson Branch, got their ass hung up on by Mother Nature last week, so I won't be going to that trail again this year. An assload of trees were felled by the tornado that went through there.

Is Mrs Hoob athletically inclined? As much as you wipe out and hurt yourself, her limited biking experience may keep her from ever getting on those difficult trails you like.

She is not a bike person, but she is really trying and I appreciate the effort. We have ridden a couple of times this week in the heat and she's been a trooper. I'm a fairly good trainer.

My wife and I are more into hiking than cycling, but that can come with its own hazards as well. Do you like to read words as much as I enjoy typing them? I sure hope so. Here is a story for you.

We just got back from a weekend trip to the Ozarks. It seemed like a good idea when I planned it as I have a lot of nostalgic memories of Arkansas State Parks from my childhood. Do you have nostalgic memories from your childhood?

The Ozarks really are pretty and not too far of a drive. The wife had this past Friday off so I picked a place I remembered as nice and boasts of the second highest peak in all of the state. I'm talking about Queen Wilhelmina State Park, just outside of Mena, AR, and right off the ol' Talimena Scenic Drive roadway. That's 3 menas if you're counting. At any rate, the crux of the story takes place in the parking lot of the Queen Wilhelmina lodge parking lot right after a delightful hike on the trail known as Lover's Leap.

As an aside, none of this area is very nice anymore like I remembered. I'm talking about Mena, AR(was it ever) and the Talimena Scenic Rd and even the state park itself. Mostly general neglect.

The roads on the scenic drive and overlook areas are in decline and unkempt. Very few vacationer types around and almost no hikers. Maybe state parks and camping aren't a thing anymore. Wholesome families vacationing together certainly seem passe. Lots of local meth types, especially in Mena. I mean whoa. We had to go to the local WalMarks for some groceries and everybody here looked like somebody Mark Laita would be too scared to have on Soft White Underbelly. It was jarring. My memories are from a bygone era, I'm afraid. At each overlook on the scenic drive, and the views are still lovely for the record, my wife would say "Get a good look, we aren't coming back."

So anyhoo, the car is in the parking lot of the lodge at Queen Wilhelmina. The wife is in the passenger seat. It was a great little hike if you were wondering, but it was hot and humid and my wife, city gal that she is, gets scared of everything in the woods. Her constant flight mechanism and panic management can be a tad exhausting sometimes. This was one of those times. The "Bear Country" warning signs posted everywhere did nothing to help.

I digress. She's still in the car. It took me longer to get in the car bc (I shortened 'because' to be more economical in my posting) there were some people parked too close on my driver's side rocking out in their car whilst shirtless. It was annoying and a little unnerving. The song sucked too. I wish I could remember it--it was some rando classic rock song that has been in constant rotation on whatever 92.5 station they have.

I just wanted to get in the car quick and exit and avoid interacting with the characters parked next to us. Unfortunately, I couldn't open the door as wide as I wanted and took an odd angle getting in and kinda fell sideways. My right thigh hit the seat hard with the brunt of my weight. I corrected by quickly rolling back towards the left. There was an immediate flush of an aerosol sound during this shifting and I knew I was in trouble.

You see, I was wearing some hiking shorts that weren't lacking in utility pockets. Some might call them cargo shorts, but fashionistas have shamed the wearing of cargo shorts so much I hesitate to admit wearing them. (Even in Arkansas and even on this forum)

As luck would not have it, I had a canister of Guard Dog bear mace in that pocket. You never know what you might run into and I like to be prepared. Having it also helps to assuage the fears of my wife's imaginations. Well, you can guess the rest.

When I landed on my thigh and heard that hiss, I expelled an orange plume of toxic oleorsin capicum (looked at the label for that one) in the car that nearly choked the life out of both of us. It hit me first in an instant. A wheezing fit came upon me and before the wife could say "are you ok" it was upon her as well. Her eyes bugged out in terror as she consumed the pepper spray. Overwhelmed by the intensity of the whooping cough fury, her flight mechanism was triggered yet again as she bolted (That part was pretty funny) Boy, you should've seen her exit the car and run. She didn't even shut the door behind her.

What wasn't as funny was the dispensing of mace also saturated said cargo shorts which didn't realize in the moment. Let me tell you, this caused a most unpleasant reaction to the right side of my sinewy thighs and taut buttock region. It didn't register until after we had regained our wits and exited the parking lot. Burning pain quickly intensified and gripped me. A lesser man may have lost their composure. I am a lesser man. I pulled over at the first overlook and stripped down. Threw my shorts in the trash and drove back in my skivvies. Got an earful from the wife too. Good times.

I am a middle aged man and I no longer give a shit, so I will continue to wear cargo shorts despite what any fashionable motherfucker says.

Wow. This forum still delivers.

We have done a fairly decent job of getting the wife up to speed on the mountain bike. She's progressing nicely. Her main problem is, she gets pissed off when she fails. Other than that, she's doing great and I am proud of her.

However, we have hit a pretty big snag in our bike riding fun:

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A common joke that I hear from my co-workers are "don't break your hip" jokes. Because I am old and stuff. I want to say something about how many times this old man has experienced grex but i just take it.

Monday morning at work, I was getting stuff down from a tall shelving unit, while standing on a 4 foot ladder. I was looking up and didn't notice that the ladder was falling to the left. I landed squarely on my hip and broke it. Surgery is Wednesday morning.

Soooooooooooooooo, no bike riding for a while. Dang it.

Damn, dude. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Try to get yourself a sponge bath with a happy ending.

My wife said that was a good idea. But I have to give her one first.

Sorry about the hip, hoob. The older I get the more hesitant I am to get on ladders.

They say that walking is the best thing one can do for hip replacement recovery. So I am hell-bent on walking. I've also started exercises that I've found online. So I'm getting better.

So I've had two joints replaced and both were because of dumbassery. Sigh.

Dang, hoob. I need to check in more often. Hope you're healing up nice.

I'm doing pretty well. Went back to work on July 15 and I can walk without a limp most of the time.

Part of my therapy is riding the stationary bike, so I decided to go ride today, unfortunately I took the missus and that slowed me down. Was on the bike 53 minutes and I loved it.

However, I'm not healed. I can put a sock on my wiener but not on my foot.

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Today, we rode on an easy trail that allows horses and at some point we encountered two young women horse riders with stupid fake eyelashes and they were stopped and were blocking the trail. They wanted us to pass by a narrow opening and this meant riding our bikes behind the horses, which is something you just do not do. I objected and said it was really dangerous to do that. One of the women was really offended. They finally moved the horses a little bit and I thanked them and rode on. They had something catty to say that my wife heard but I don't care. Fuck those people and their stupid eyelashes, too.

I told my wife later that I knew of two different people who were kicked by damned horses. One experienced a broken jaw and massive amounts of surgery.

Other than that, a kickass time was had.

The bitches all be fake. Fake lashes, fake nails, fake hair, fake boobs......i don't mind fake boobs

Have ridden twice since my last entry.

On Thursday we rode at Bridgeport and were on the bikes for 30 minutes. My wife is trying hard to get with the program. She's never ridden a bike much, but she is a fast learner.

On Sunday we went again and were on the bikes for 45 minutes and sweated a lot. Climbing was involved this time. I wondered if this would be any sort of strain on my hip and it wasn't. She was affected by the heat at the end, unfortunately.

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I have something like 12 more physical therapy sessions left. If I don't have to miss any, I should be done with them in a month.

Agreed.

Rode at Bridgeport by myself today. We've had rain in the past couple of days, so the trail was damp and that means riding is more difficult. And I'm not in good shape at all.

Did the 9 mile loop. Didn't die. Struggled until the last couple of miles, then noticed I was getting stronger.