I've always kind of wanted to watch all the James Bond movies in order and all of them are coming to Prime Video on Wednesday. We (the three or four of us that post and watch movies) should watch one a week and post our reviews. We could mainly rank the hottest Bond girls as the movies go.

Or not. Whatever.

I like the one with the hot girl

I have never seen a James Bond movie.

I have seen some of the James Bond movies, but I have not seen all of the James Bond movies.

I have seen Goldeneye once and I didn't care for it.

I've always thought I was born at the wrong time to get into Bond. Too young for peak Connery Bond and just old enough to not care when it got a little spare. I would be up for giving them a shot now.

I've seen only a small handful of Bond movies and they're all newer ones. Still, I'm up for this. And we should also rank the theme songs.

I think bonds are good

I've only seen A View to a Kill so I don't get a say in this.

The main thing I remember is Walken laughing maniacally while gunning people down.

Here is your first assignment.

This was the first James Bond "movie" from the anthology show Climax! in 1954, 2 years after the first novel came out. Barry Nelson (the guy who ran the Overlook Hotel in the Shining) is CIA agent Jimmy Bond. The great Peter Lorre is Le Chiffre. Going to watch this tonight.

Casino Royale 1954 -- This was considerably more enjoyable than I expected. It's a live teleplay so it's considerably "smaller" than any subsequent Bond movie. But the intrigue and cat-and-mouse stuff was pretty decent. Barry Nelson was adequately suave, Linda Christian was a low-budget Grace Kelly, which is still a good thing, and Peter Lorre was great as the villain Le Chiffre. Pretty violent for 1950's TV. Bond gets tortured in a bathtub and it may have involved some testicle stabbing.

Current List:

Best Bond:
1. Barry Nelson

Best Bond Girl:
1. Linda Christian

Best Bond Villain:
1. Peter Lorre

Best Theme Song:
1. Them to Climax!

Best Bond Action Scene:
1. Bond getting his nuts tortured

An American Bond? What kind of woke shit is this?

I don't think it was ball torture. Maybe they were pulling out his toenails? Those grow back. Balls don't.

I concur with the rankings so far.

Probably the toenail but I like to think about balls.

I thought it was going to be a brutal watch after the TV movie intro, but it really wasn't that bad. If it was 2 hours, I probably wouldn't have made it through though. Here are some brief thoughts:

-The escape scenes (Bond's escape from the card table and the escape from the bathroom) were pretty laughable. Basil went down way too easily.
-Basil was a good guy in Austin Powers, so the henchman of the same name threw me off. I thought there would be a plot twist there.
-Weird that the casino just allowed the same guy who was playing the card game to deal the cards. I actually thought that conflict of interest was going to be the plot issue (him cheating or somesuch).
-I can't remember the guy's name who was supposed to watch the main chick (can't remember her name either - Valerie? IMDB is confusing on this movie), but he had one job and he failed. She wasn't bad, btw.

Clarence Leiter?

In regular "cannon" Felix Leiter is an American CIA agent that works with Bond once in a while (Jeffrey Wright in the Daniel Craig Casino Royale) so they palette-swapped Bond and Leiter here. It should also be noted that I kind of half-assed watch this. Didn't pay super-close attention.

Yes that’s him. When Bond was playing cards, he was supposed to watch the main chick. But he said he lost her among all the excitement.

I’m taking this seriously.