July 22:

The building that contains both the Venus di Milo and the Mona Lisa also contained, though only briefly, my poop.

Later that day, my crap must have hit terminal velocity after dropping bricks in the restroom on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower. I wonder what the terminal velocity of feces is, exactly? I once used the crapper on the top floor of the Empire State Building. I wonder which piece of shit fell farther?

July 23:

I shared a throne with Louis XIV, Marie Antoinette, and several hundred years of royal french merde-producers.

Some day I hope to poop in a European country.

It's my first time pooping in a foreign country. I've never even been able to make it to Mexico to poop.

I can tell you it's very satisfying.

I pooped in the bathroom of a grocery store on the edge of Harlem a couple of weeks ago and wiped my ass with paper towels. Should I have blogged about it?

you'd get killed in harlem. bogus story.

assuming you have TP

i had some tamale wrappers in my pocket just in case.

It wasn't deep in Harlem. Kinda where Harlem borders Central Park.

That's where The Warriors hang out.

Is that where they shoot at the walls of heartache?

Umm...no.

Sorry. That was a rather lame attempt at .

boy howdy!

Man, I tell ya what.

That has to go down as an assist on my part. At least an offensive rebound.

I'd say you get a three pointer.

The Warriors are from Coney Island, poser.

they could hang out there.

The Furies would kick their asses.

good times.

Just put the cobra in the basket at LAX. This town deserves my shit.

Cleared the baffles last night at Dodger Stadium. Wish I could've left it all on the field.

Airports are one of my least favorite places to defecate.

You can get international AIDS at an airport.

And Butt SARS too.

I dropped the hammer last year at O'Hare and was impressed with their anti-butt-SARS system. They have a plastic coating over the seat that rotates after each use automatically. They need to institute this in every public fecal depository.

In General I think European public toilets are bad to poo in, what with the one square toilet paper and what not. (tissue box style)
Brussels has roll TP but it is the brown paper towel type material. (aka john wayne)

I got in trouble one time from some bathroom security guard in London for pissing in a stall and not a urinal. When he started talking to me I pretended like I didn't understand the language.

You're lucky, Ted. You shouldn't mess with Urinal Cops.

I need peace and quiet when I poop. Public places are a last resort.

I can't remember the last time I shat somewhere other than work or home but I Starbucks is a good place to saddle up if you ever needed to. They're typically clean and their toilets can send down feet upon feet of fecal matter with no problem.

I've loosened my restrictions on places I'll poop in my advancing years. If it may be 10-30 minutes to get back home or to the hotel, then I'll try to hold it. But the older I get, the more I stop worrying about cleanliness. I still can't squat in a filthy hole, but I'll now make an attempt to wipe down a moderately wet one.

I may puke.

I hate to go back to recommendation along these lines twice in one week, but the shitters at QT are usually pretty damn clean.

I'm gonna print this out and tape it to the wall in the men's room at the two local QTs.