Sorry about that. Got distracted with Foobies, then fell asleep.

^forum killer^

I just googled foobies

You could have just looked down.

Drunkass Hoob here.

So, the country is having a warm winter? Not at Hoob acres, they aren't. My heat hasn't been off since November, fuckers. But has anyone asked ol' Hoob about temperatures? No they haven't. So scrrrrrrew them.

Today my wife wanted to know why I started shaving my head. Because of this pressure, I decide to let it grow back out to the stupid Walker Railey look. AND THEN TONIGHT, a cutie tries to pick up old cue ball headed Hoob. This experience really made my weiner wiggle. I think I'll keep letting Mrs. Hoob bitch about the cue ball look. She'll get used to it.

The Little Ball of Hate has a better show than Norm. That's not the only show that she beats.

Remember where you were when you read this: This October, I'll be missing high school football games to watch the Rangers win playoff games.

I don't understand smoking, soccer, animal cruelty, men who pick fights with other men, or women who chase after dumbasses who will abuse them.

If you've had a blue couch sitting in your yard for the past month and the city's code enforcement dumbasses write you a ticket, it's because Hoob convinced them to pay you a visit, you moron.

Dammit to hell. For no reason.

My friends don't understand words that I've learned on the Internet. Tonight I used the word "fucktard" and they acted like I shot them with my Glock. Dummies.

I can't wait to see how much trim I'm going to get when I am put into the rest home.

Hoob.

fucktard never fails to light up a room.

You'll certainly be in the majority, especially if you don't rule out the ones that have a slight incontinence problem.

but I doubt it.

I look forward to spring break

Spring break has sprung.

Why do girls want to fight one another? Tonight I must have heard the word "fuck" said at least 50 times by various girls to other girls. Does that make you hot? I must be too old to get anything out of that.

Tonight a cutie inquired about my availability. Before I could make up a sob story about why I'm single, another woman made damn sure that the world knew I was married. Great. I guess it's just me and my left hand. Again.

I wonder if my wife has figured out why I sing "I Touch Myself" when I go to the bath room.

I am too drunk to type.

awww, man, I used to love that song.

dear hoob,

email meh --> walter.kimbrough@gmail.com


Love ya

Walt

What were they fighting over? Seems kind of ghetto to me...especially if they were over 18.

Today I ate at the most overrated place in the universe: P.F. Chang's. May I be stricken with weiner atrophy if I ever eat there again. What a colossal waste of $32 that was. And my wife loved it. I loved our waitress.

Today while walking my dogs, a mildly retarded girl who was walking a beagle approached us for some conversation. I think my wife caught me looking at this girl's large knockers.

Twice in one week I have made a discovery of a half-drank bottle of cheap whiskey behind my house. It seems that some juvies are drinking some of it, then stashing it by my fence on their way to JUNIOR HIGH. I didn't know you could buy a fifth of whiskey for $3.99. Damn.

The other day I went to a university to see about getting my Master's Degree. They were mildly amused at how old I acted. I guess it might have helped if I hadn't smelled like I came straight out of the old folks home. What smells worse? Old man sweat, or dried piss?

I wonder how the campout is going. I can't wait to find out who paired up with whom.

I bet it's hard to explain to a deputy sheriff that you didn't notice that your camp fire got out of control because you were too busy cornholing someone from rant fan.

Hoob.

It probably wasn't a good day if I have to make one of these things on a fucking Monday.

A lot of people at my work got the thumb today and it saddens me. Screw me for being sensitive.

To top it all off, some of those who were recommended to be fired will get to keep their jobs because they know the right people. It sucks balls.

Meanwhile, my dog sits on the couch next to me and is snoring comfortably. Goody.

I am watching women's basketball and am enjoying it. I must be drunk.

We can't settle the daylight savings time issue at work. Fuck us.

Somebody please make my wife stop telling me stories about work. Please.

I know of a vendor who can help remedy your DST problem.

A thousand babyarms to you, sir. No, a million.

pei wei is just as overrated

At least with Pei Wei, you're getting a little value. The fact that they charge such different prices for the same food at different places is ridiculous.

I think Pei Wei is overrated too, but not near as much as PF Changs.

They are both overrated but they have a ton of hots that work there.

Tons of hots that want nothing to do with you.

I can still get wool sir.

I didn't mean you in particular, I meant you in general.

What's the point in going to look at hots wearing restaraunt uniforms, who you're not gonna see naked, and having to eat overrated, overpriced food, to do it?

no shit, if the reason people went to restaurants was to look at hots then every restaurant would be bone daddy's

looking at your wife from the other side of the couch, and thinking to yourself, "I could have that" doesn't count. I bet your cocky as shit when you do it tho, does it work?

Jennifer's got Daddy's car, she's playing uptown on the stereo.

The end of the world is nearly here. Why do I think this? Because today I saw a black guy wearing a Shawn Bradley Mavericks jersey.

The other day I came home to find my wife sick at home. Allergies. What did I do? I went out and fired up the lawn mower. Soon Hoob manor was flooded by the smell of grass clippings. It damn near killed her. Genius?

I hate the TV and cable news media. I really hate being at someone's house and having to watch network news. Being in hell for me would be a room with the CBS news on TV and they never go to commercial. It's a good thing that I'm not going to hell.

The Penn State wo's coach was forced out because she discriminated against carpet munchers. Shouldn't she get a raise instead?

Oh, no. Right now, Jimmy Dykes is doing play by play of a women's game with Pam Ward. I wonder if ESPN said, "Hey, let's get two dykes to cover this game!"

Speaking of that subject. A common insult is, "suck it." If you are insulting a women's basketball team, shouldn't you say, "lick it?"

I changed my own oil today. I almost always do. Back when I used to pay for this service, bad things would happen. Over filling. Over tightening the filter or drain plug. Wrong filter, which caused leakage. Other car parts broken by the workers. One moron got grease on my car seat. So now I do it myself. My car has 254,000 miles on it. Suck it, Jiffy Lube.

A kid got caught rubbing one out in another teacher's class yesterday. If I was principal, I'd put his desk in the trophy case.

I know a principal whose outlook on dress code is to cover up boobs, butts, and beavs.

Jennifer's singing stand by me and she knows every single word by heart.

it's a good thing I'm not a teacher...if I caught a student choking his chicken in class it'd be Mary Kay Letourneau part two

changing your own oil is hot btw ... with that many miles I'm sure you've had to wipe that dipstick a bunch

????

guilty...cheers

Oh Arthur, teach me AIDS

I don't want to wait, for our lives to be over...

take your shirt off

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Opens beer. Since I never watch TV, but I have two in my house...

I'm about to start a TV network. Hoob TV.

The news will only be quick hits that the big-boobed anchor will read from the wire services. No reporters on site. In fact, no reporters at all. Example: Today the Ruskies sent 240 missles to North America and killed 95 percent of the population. In other news, Congress is beginning debate on a bill that will reorganize the park services. In Detroit, the UAW announced that they will begin a strike on Monday.

And the weather report will change, too. I'll have a crawl that will tell the weather forecast. Wanna know if it's gonna rain tomorrow? Turn over to the Hoob network from 10:00 to 10:30. No long-winded discussions of isobars and low pressure on my network.

The sports will be close to what that dumbass Hansen does. Tell what happened, tell why, show a highlight while I'm talking, next story.

Sitcoms? No way. Hate 'em all. Reality TV? Screw that. Fox has that shit covered already.

I'm going all action, all the time. Give me movies about wars. A lot of Stallone. Dirty Harry.

Late night TV? Pron, of course. I'll clean up on the coveted 25-54 demographic. I'll even have a host that will comment on the movies during commercial breaks. The host (me) will be sitting in a worn recliner, holding a Coors light, and will comment on the movie with slurred speech. To make things even more seedy, I'll have a comforter thrown over my groin area. Now, who wouldn't want to spend ad money on THAT!?

Hoob.

Did I bring this forum down? It began to die about one minute after I started this stupid thread. Of course, I also killed Grubes.com without posting to that sumbitch.

I just put some jeans in the dryer at midnight. I bet my wife gets pissed off about the noise it is making.

On a more serious note, I was walking my doggies about an hour ago and heard a white trash wife yelling at her white trash husband. It was sad because they have two kids and a dog. Good Lord, why does the world have to be so out of control?

*Opens another beer*

Can anybody on this forum play drums? We auditioned a guy tonight that couldn't beat his way out of a wet paper bag.

There's this one woman who frequents our shows, and my friends are convinced that she desires a roll in the hay with ol' Hoob. I'm afraid they are right. Nah, that can't be right.

I was terrified that Sammy Sosa would hit .300 and swat 57 home runs this year. Looks like I don't have to worry about that one.

Maybe I should kick around the idea of sleeping.

Hoob.

Here I go again on my own.

What if I had a TV show that showed porn movies, but it had the three guys watching it and making catty comments like they do on Mystery Science Theatre 3000? That show would be hilarious.

Tonight I attended my umpteenth prom. At least four kids arrived wasted. I kept waiting for someone to drop their flask on the dance floor. No telling how many fun babies will be created tonight. I was one of the few that didn't get laid.

Is there a bigger downer of a gig than being in music radio? Think about it. Gazillions of people graduate with Radio TV Film degrees, but they end up working for Terminix. Those who do get jobs are gonna get fired because few formats last very long. It's a fucked up deal.

I like women with Cleopatra-like bangs. They don't even have to have a good personality. If they have big boobs, that's ok, too. Hmmm. If they have both bangs and boobs, which feature do my eyes notice first? Or does one eye look up and the other one down, Danny White style?

Tomorrow I'm going to type up some fake court orders and mail them to several of my neighbors. I'm going to order them to mow their damn yard.

Occasionally I mention the City of Denton Police website. Tonight I noticed a first. It was a woman arrested for urinating in public. Good grief. She was NOT pretty, either.

Y'all be nice to big Newt.

Hoob.

Will this be in HD? If so, in.

He's got the fever, oh he's got the fever, nothing a boy can do.

While watching a NASCAR race today, they aimed a camera at the crowd, and there was a guy in the stands picking his nose. I was shocked to see a NASCAR fan do this.

This week, a prominent driver got pissed off at the leaders of NASCAR and said the race results were no more believable than wrestling. Made me giggle. It put quite a few folks' panties in a wad.

The city of Denton is forever trumpeting how great they are at recycling and point to their curbside recycling program and the stations they have all over town. But these buttbrains are not fooling Hoob. What's the dirtiest thing that gets put into drains or into the ground? I say it's motor oil. Recently, the city quietly took away all the motor oil drop points. Well, I noticed it.

It is mind-boggling that people get all worked up over the NFL draft like they do. Somewhere, Pete Rozelle is chain smoking and smiling at all of this. The truff is, why even bother predicting the top 10 picks? They can't be determined ahead of time. And then there are morons that have it run down to 100, 150, 200 picks.

Can you imagine the talk that we are going to have to experience if the Mavericks really do get beat by Nellie in round one? Oh, my.

If I am bored with this, you have to be. Excuse me while I go retrieve my Glock and put myself to sleep.

Hoob.

I am drunk. But nobody reads this forum because it has been kilt by death.

So I am not gonna say anything.

:kerpow: