It's so nice to go out and not have the pavement cook my ass at 10:00 at night.

Tonight at the football game, I encountered the overly-serious small-town TV reporter. Good grief. If you are a reporter out in the sticks, you probably shouldn't be such an arrogant prick, you lowly piece of skunk bait.

At another football game tonight, the entire chain crew got kicked out of the game during the third quarter. Hey, now.

If my students stole all of my teevees today, I wouldn't buy new tv sets. I only watch it for sports now, but I could live without that.

I once had a math teacher who couldn't pronounce the word 'sets.' It always sounded like 'sex.' How much do you think we tormented that poor guy?

My friends are bickering like junior high girls. Too bad they are in their fifties. Mediating spats among old people is hard as hell.

My new driver's license arrived today. I have an Adam's apple the size of a water tower. Fortunately there is no graffiti on it.

I'm not sure what's louder: a Grand Funk Railroad concert or my dog hitting her tail against various objects in the house.

This just in: my dog is louder and she wins. But I lose.

I'd like to apologize to all of my fans out there for this blog.

Hoob.

damn dude, between you and ich, this craphole should be getting an aarp discount. now i know how grubes feels when he hangs around walt.

*Shakes cane at 420 whippersnapper*

*Farts and falls down*

I love how these assholes say 'These ball players shouldn't be wearing ski masks and sweatshirts'. Listen here, motherfucker. You live in Texas and if you played ball in that cold ass Yankee weather you'd wear the same shit. Shut the fuck up

Kenny Rogers cheated.

why the hell are you fucking up hoob's thread?

you just did

he = coward. of the county, even.

So the World Series ends, and I get to hear the east coast analysts whine about how bad things are when heartland teams play each other. I'm lovin' it. If the Rangers ever win one of these things, people are gonna be jumping out of windows in New York City.

The band that plays after us on Saturday is called "Pull My Finger." That, my friends, is an indicator of how bad we are.

The most annoying pitch man on TV and radio is the guy from Blazing Saddles who is on the car commercials. He wears the same Blazing
Saddles costume on TV. I haven't decided yet if he wears it on the radio commercials.

For grins, I bought a six pack of Lone Star long necks this week. It made Coors Light seem like a snotty import beer.

Thanks for improving my thread, Cap.

How many of the 6 bottle caps did you solve?

Wish I'd thought of that.

C&W / SnagglePuss combo

And now, back to hoob...

I have to stop drinkin' for awhile. Had my BP checked today and it's creeping up, again. So I thought I'd go out in a blaze of glory while watching a Cowboys loss. Fortunately, they won.

My friends have an acquaintance known as "meat curtains." Yes, it's a woman, and yes, she earned this name. Is this worse than being known for having a small weiner? *Looks down at lap for awhile.*

I baked a pie today. But it doesn't make me gay.

When I see TC1's latest signature about Fried Coke, I immediately think of the drop that says something like, "That doesn't make any sense." I still like you, TC1.

Played at a biker joint yesterday. What a freaking mismatch that was. I've never seen so many halter tops holding up saggy boobs in my life.

Hoob.

Yes, it does. You are now Terrence Stamp's character in "Priscilla: Queen of the Dessert"


<--Hoob

Just what the world needs. A cock in a frock on a rock.

Things that make me say "fuck it:" White trash kids. White trash parents. White trash teachers. People who can't properly use the apostrophe. Stupid people who breed. People who throw litter out of their vehicles. People who can't take ownership for their fuckups. And Rick Perry.

It is my observation that stupid people are multiplying at a much faster rate than educated people. Think about one white trash bastard that you know. He has 3 kids already and he isn't 25, right? This one piece of crap has already created more kids than you. You paid thousands for those bastards to be delivered. Those kids will be 'tards in school and will keep your kids from learning as much as they should have.

And then there are my neighbors from the south. Face the facts. Many have a good work ethic, but most of those who move up here are not bent toward education. So what's the ratio? Stupid 5, educated, 1? Probably worse than that. Maybe my Hispanic wife was right about not wanting to have kids. Our kids will have to support the dumbasses.

I have a friend who is forever making fun of me for eating healthy. He is having angioplasty tomorrow. I should send him a card telling him to suck it.

My birthday was this week, and my wife forgot. Even though I shouldn't care about such a thing, I'm extremely pissed off about it. I've never forgotten a birthday or anniversary of hers.

Oh, gee. The stupid Mavericks finally won a game. Today, Deep Dish pronounced them as done. For the season.

Excuse me. I've gotta go throw up, then start getting ready for work.

Hoob.

Mine'll only have one dumbass to support when he gets old.

Happy Birthday Hoob!

I just saw an art fag commercial that was trying to sell a product. Art fag commercials piss me off. They aren't made to sell products or services. They are made to impress other art fags.

Catch a new wave on Everyone's Internet. If you fell for that jingle, your services are now owned by PeoplePC, and you now have a problem.

I don't listen to country music, but I do know that George Strait looks old.

Toilet paper didn't exist B.C. I wonder what they used back then.

Because of odd scheduling, I might not have to play this New Year's. I love playing music, but really HATE playing New Year's eve. I'd rather stay home and listen to Mexicans shoot their guns into the air.

I was wrong about Tony Romo.

I wish sports announcers would stop using the word "rhythm" when describing athletic events. How does this apply to sports?

Dude? WTF?

I'd like to get in a three-point stance somewhere up north of Gainesville, run down I-35 as fast as I can, and kick Chris Collinsworth square in the nuts.

NASCAR season is over. Yay. Boo.

Hoob.

The same thing they currently use in Burleson - their fingernails.

Btw, :babyfuckingarm: on Collinsworth. I haven't seen a more dysfunctional crew than what they got on NBC. Sterling Sharp and the Bus are apparently just in it to settle old scores.

Country music dumbasses are dumbasses.

Almost every girl that I saw tonight that had prominent knockers had a problem. Take off that bra and you had instant flapjacks. Nobody wants to love up on no flapjacks.

Was about 15 minutes into our show tonight and something crazy happened with the power. We played the bulk of our show with even less lighting than normal and no air conditioning. There wasn't even any lighting in the rest rooms. And cigar smokers need to die. Today.

Today I over tipped an ugly girl. I wonder if she used this extra money to improve her appearance.

I hate holiday food. My wife and I once stopped off at a Denny's on the way back from eating a holiday meal.

So the Rangers let Carlos Lee go to free agency. BFD. Pitchers hit more homers than this fat bastard did with the Rangers. Houston will rue the day that they signed him. Well, compared to the hitters they had last year, he's Babe Ruth.

I've got an afternoon gig today. I think I'll just stay up and go tosfjasdjajsdfjl.

My last entry to the drunken blog?

I got out three dog biscuits for my doggies, but only two dogs came out to get a treat. So one biscuit is sitting on the desk. And I'm hungry. And drunk. Hmmm.

It's almost shameful how much I spoil these mongrels. They are fat. Lazy. Babied in every way. They sleep in the house, in the bed or on the couch. There is no doubt that my grex life has been changed because they are in the way.

One time I dreamed that I let one of the dogs drive a car while I was driving another car ahead of him. I was watching him in my rear view mirror, and I just knew the little bastard was going to turn right and go joyriding instead of going home. Right when I got to the moment of truff, I woke up. I felt so guilty for letting my dog drive a damned car, even though it was a dream.

I am the king of stupid dreams.

Good grief, that last story was quite riff raff like. Oh, well. Nobody is on this forum any more, so nobody will notice. Hello???? Echo echo echo echo. Now batting for Pedro Borbon, Manny Mota... Mota... Mota.

Good lord. I need to hurry up and go to bed before my wife wakes up for work and catches me awake and drunk.

Played at a place tonight that had a nice big screen TV. But they didn't have the Cowboy game on. They didn't have the Maverick game on, either. Instead, they were watching fucking CMT with the sound off. Is the world really that much infested with dumbasses? Guess it is.

Even so, I came home with a big wad of cash. I like saying the word 'wad.'

All of my friends who teach are already done for the semester. But not Hoob HS. Nooooo. I've gotta learn these kids for three mo days.

Hoob.

it's not your last...don't try to trip. Your dog shouldn't sleep in your bed...that's the bottom line...that's like your kid sleeping in the bed or something. And unless you're gonna teach your dog the peanut butter trick don't be surprised if your grex life changes cause he's in the freaking bed. I don't care if he can drive a car, if he can't lay pipe he shouldn't be in the bed.

Any place that doesn't have the home team on needs to pay you double.

I like "wad" too.

Post lots on your break...do it on the new forum

genius jaws reference.

p.s.: hoob, click me

Carrie Underwood is already sorry that she was seen with Tony Romo.

I have one New Year's resolution: To not waste time. If I could fulfill this one, I would solve most of my other problems in life.

I've always considered myself to be a hick with a college education. After hanging out with my family this Christmas, I've decided that I'm East Texas Einstein. If you want to discuss relativity or relatives, e-mail me, bitches.

After Vista fails, they'll be stacking hay in the empty MS headquarters.

It is mind-boggling how much beer I have drank in the past four days. I could have made many more entries than this, but it's hard to type with a beer in each hand.

If James Brown (the singer) goes to hell, what kind of noises do you think he makes while he's burning?

If he goes to heaven, what song does he hum while he's walking along the streets of gold?

Being the mom with no kids, my wife put Christmas presents under the tree for my dogs. Unfortunately, one dog chewed into them all and ate every damn thing under the tree. So I'm not getting anything this Christmas. I'm not sad, though. I already had enough sweaters, anyway.

But nobody gives gifts like my stepmother. This woman is the queen of re-gifting. I got a calendar from her this year. 2003.

Hoob.

I know you are reading this. Both of you.

Judging from the posts on the "other" forum, both forums will be dead by the end of January. ow:

Because of a scheduling snafu, I am going to be home NYE. This makes me very happy. Sitting at home and drinking is a good way to open a new year. Playing music for a bunch of snobs, not so much.

Gonzaga's mascot is the bulldog. Not the Zag, you ESPN fartknockers.

Gerald Ford has passed, and I have been pleasantly surprised by the coverage.

Can you imagine what's going to happen when Clinton dies? There'll be a panel of newspeople there who will ease their pants down simultaneously, and proceed to masturbate. And I'll be watching.

It's really difficult to spell simultaneously when drunk.

I saw a message board last week with another Jim Jack and it wasn't me. I wonder if he's sober when he posts.

Oh, geez. I just saw an odd advertisement for "10," an adult channel on Dishnet. It was rife with goodies like a guy holding a large remote over his crotch like it was his weiner, then he was out in the garage holding a piece of wood. I got the message loud and clear.

I think my next Dishnet bill is going to be a little bit higher than before.

Hoob.

sounds like that station will have a lot of boners on it.

happy new year, sexy somey.

Man, oh man. Good thing my wife isn't home. She'd be kicking my ass for coming home this drunk. But my dogs don't care. I wonder if giving her a meaty bone would put her in a better mood.

Played at a generic bar tonight. The only people who WEREN'T smoking were the band. All of my equipment is out in the garage with box fans blowing on it.

Here's a hypothetical for ya. The good: you can be the darling quarterback of a high-profile pro team. The bad: you fumble a snap in the playoffs, fucking your team over for the season. Do you accept this hypothetical?

Here's a situation that I've never encountered. A really hot girl approaches. I chat with her, ask her name. She has the same name as my mom. If you were in my shoes, does that affect you? It damn sure did me. It is an ender.

Two fags bowed up to each other tonight like they were gonna fight. It was glorious.

Crossing The Bar
by Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar.

I do believe that's the first time Tennyson's been referenced here.

Unless there's a post about the Charge of the Light Brigade I missed.

Let's get some drunken posting into this ghost town bitch.

If you are sober, are there many foods that sound good with beer? Maybe chili or pretzels, or something like that. For most reasonable people there is a limit.

But what about after one has had six beers? There aren't many foods that I won't chomp after six beers. Right now:

Beer in one hand, Dollar General chocolate mint cookie in the other. Yum.

Speaking of drinking, can you imagine what the drunken morons will be yelling at Sammy Sosa in August when he's hitting .214? He will be begging to DH at that point.

Saw a presentation for the kids about the evils of drinking. The guy made great points and hopefully the kids bought into it. Too bad I had a huge fucking hangover from drinking the night before.

I wonder what brand of Glue that Barbero is gonna be.

I once knew a couple of sisters who really loved horses.

One summer, their mom died in an auto accident. A few months later, one of their horses was hit and killed by a car. They were subdued when mom died, they freaked out and had to be restrained when the horse died.

I am fascinated by the rodeo cowboy who is a bruthuh.

Today I said, "Good gosh almighty Joe Friday," and a coach heard it and knew exactly what football game the saying came from. Don't know? Google it, bitches.

I wonder if my brother has stolen Windows Vista off of newsgroups yet. What am I thinking? Of course he has.

About a week ago, I was confined in a car with a cutie that is 12 years younger than me. No, she wasn't 58, Walt. Anyway, every time I passed a motel, I wanted to hit the blinker and exit.

It would have been the greatest moment of my life, but people would be reading the "crossing the bar" poem at my funeral, because the excitement would have killed old Hoob.

Hoob.

went to a Black Rodeo years ago. Saw a dude wearing a t shirt that had some rap lyrics that were to the effect of "Bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks".

And not one woman said a word.

'hit the blinker' = old man code for whipping it out?

This is a non-denial.

This event should occur in another month or so. Wanna watch?

I was hoping for a tag team invite.

16 more hours until drunken hoob!!! 16 more hours until drunken hoob!!!