jim jack wrote:
Let's talk about those boobs, darlin'.
I have made three trips to the doctor in the past month. The previous two, I have been sitting down while getting my blood pressure done, then noticed that my outstretched hand was cupping the nurse's boob. While getting my blood pressure done today, I made it a point to NOT have my hand touching her. Unfortunately, I started thinking about how funny this was and had to stifle a laugh. I ended up biting my lip to control myself.
She was a big girl, so it's not like I actually wanted to cup one of those things.
My best friend once fucked a girl who had enormous tits. At work the next Monday, I was praising him for his conquest. He said that he could barely perform, because they were so gross that they fell off to the side. This lesson remained with me 35 years later.
I have had two girlfriends who were flat as a board. Both were really good at bedding old Hoob, and no one else came close. On various message boards, I have seen many times that fat girls were demons in the sack, but I say that this is not true. In fact, I'd say that flat girls are first, redheads are second, perfect girls are third, my hand is fourth, and fat girls are sixth. I'll let one of you guys tell me where sheep and goats rank.
Give me the flat girl over the fat girl.
Hoob.
Nine times out of ten I agree about flats. However, after my first experience with them I'd have disagreed. You see, Hoob, there was a flattish across the street neighbor lady from like 30 years ago who used to drive me and my best friend (and also my next door neighbor) crazy. She'd always parade around in her front yard in shorts and a bikini top. I'm guessing she and her husband were like mid to late 20's. Anyways, she was outside a lot. Always bikini topped. The stringed kind. I'd get mesmerized by those boobs and she was always doing outdoor stuff too like mowing or just standing in the yard drinking Miller ponies whilst holding a garden hose to the St. Augustine. You'd think you were on the set of Cool Hand Luke when she'd grab the soap bucket and go to town on their Cutlass. She had to know it drove us crazy. One time we were shooting hoops in their backyard. She was back there too, laying out on the trampoline, all lathered up in coconut scented Hawaiian Tropic and Wesson. Oh the yearning pain of aching nuts. Sometime during this period it was getting to be evening time and my bud and I were chasing lightning bugs in their back yard and noticed her through unshut blinds. We peeping tom'd her ass like a mug. It was kind of like that Rod Stewart Infatuation video when you were witnessing a chick untethering her top from behind and you get glimpses of flopping side boob. I was loving it until she turned around and we got a full frontal assault of east/west drooping fried-egginess. It was also jarring to see real live boob for the first time divided in a state of neopolitan colorings from various degrees of sun exposure. The worst were her nipples tho. They looked like He Man shields made from uncooked bacon. The horror.