Another relatively unusual one is dislocated testes, in which a testicle gets knocked out of the scrotum altogether, potentially winding up anywhere from up by your hips to partway down your thigh. Motorcycle accidents are good for this type of injury too, collision with the gas tank or handlebars commonly being the culprit. Deliberately dislocating the testicles allegedly was a method used by Russian army recruits in the 1800s to avoid military duty, although to me this sounds like Russian roulette — that is, largely a myth. One thing's for sure: if testicular pain persists for more than an hour, seek medical attention without further delay.

According to a lawsuit filed by a Jack Goin after the events of that fateful day, "as Mr. Goin was attempting to use the men's restroom inside the Mapco Express on Neely's Bend Road, there was a hardware malfunction of the toilet seat that resulted in Mr. Goin sitting directly onto a bolt with anal penetration."

Sack tapping is not some faceless virtual scourge. It is a human tragedy. Take the eye-watering tale of 14 year-old David Gibbons of Crosby, Minn. He had to have his right testicle removed after being punched, but the worst part is probably the fact that he had to go on the local news and talk about his missing ball while sitting between his parents on a couch.

I bet your mom carried you around like a kangaroo in a pouch.

When it comes to making sexy time in the bed, she is no slouch.

who, Tripod?

you rang?

When Stanger was booked into the Chelan County Regional Justice Center last week, police conducted a pat-down and then a strip search for contraband, and they found nothing. But about 90 minutes later, a guard found a duct-taped plastic bag floating in the toilet inside Stanger's cell with all sorts of stuff inside. So how much, exactly, was Stanger able to fit up his ass? The Wenatchee World has the details:

Coming in rectally - via one person - were a green cigarette lighter, cigarette rolling papers, a golf-ball size baggie of tobacco, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a one-inch-long smoking pipe and a small baggie of suspected marijuana, said Sgt. John Kruse, a Wenatchee Police Department spokesman.

"We were all wondering, ‘How do you put all that up there?' " Kruse said. "The tobacco was pretty impressive; it was a good ounce."

Wow. Weed and tobacco—totally understandable and not so crazy. But stuffing tattoo needles, a lighter and a pipe up there? Like Stanger just couldn't wait 72 hours to tattoo himself? Or maybe he was looking to trade. Either way... ouch.