Battleship - I watch these movies to piss myself off. It worked. This movie fucking sucks. It was so bad that it was almost good in a spoof way. Spoilers to follow. So this ne'er do well is at a bar trying to pick up a chick and he gets arrested for breaking into a convenience store to get her a chicken burrito and his brother starts going off on him about what a failure he is and somehow forces him to join the Navy. Flash forward a year or so and the ne'er do well is still fucking things up real good in the Navy to the point where he's about to be kicked out. They're playing a friendly soccer game against Japan and he really butts heads with one of the Japanese players. Lots of trash talking. These two hate each other. He's late for some kind of commencement where they're honoring these old dudes who fought in WWII on a "battleship" that's been retired. Oh yeah, and the Admiral of the Navy is the dad of the chicken burrito girl. So the aliens attack and all the non major characters get wiped out and somehow the fuck up who was about to get kicked out of the Navy is the highest ranking officer and I'm wondering what the hell he did to get promoted when all he did was fuck up all the time? So they have no more boats after the aliens destroy their fleet and the main dude (I don't even know his name) looks over and says they still have one more. It's the "battleship". So they get on it and then they decide it runs on steam and they don't know how to do it. So they've given up. They're going to die. Aliens win. When all of the sudden, some inspiring music comes on and the old dudes from before, who were being honored start walking up to the ship from all different directions. They can run the ship. Humans start dominating. The world is saved. He becomes best friends with the Japanese dude from the soccer game. And he gets the girl. The end. Sorry about the spoilers, but you don't need to see this movie anyway.


(out of 5)

you are generous with one

Monsters U - Pretty good little cartoon. Take a kid to see it. It looks a little creepy if you go alone.

Django Unchained - Accompanied by a German bounty hunter, a freed slave named Django travels across America to free his wife from a sadistic plantation owner. This is a tough one to rank. I'm a QT fanboy for the most part, but I also see what Spike Lee is saying. That said, Spike Lee won't even see the movie so how is he to judge? I also think QT gets off on using the "n" word. There were also plenty of scenes where I thought "why would they do that when they could just do this?", but I guess that's being nitpicky. The first half was very entertaining, bordering on 5 stars, despite having several issues with it. When it became a "spaghetti western", it kind of lost me.


(out of 5), give or take a half point. I still think QT is fantastic at what he does, so suck it.

I was really disappointed in that movie. I watched it at home too. I would've been uneasy watching that in a theater in the company of negroes.

Pacific Rim--Perfect Summer movie. Has just the right amount of silly and serious. Never silly in a B-movie way, but never Meh of Steel serious. It's the exact movie I would've loved when I was 12. Has some minor issues with a stereotypically weak female and a asshole rival pilot, but both are minor gripes. Colorful supporting characters are (again) the right level of colorful. Charlie Day plays a scientist. Really. Ron Perlman is great as usual. The fights take place at night and in the rain but it's never difficult to keep track of who's who and what's happening. They keep the action coming in the second half and hit the heavy drama just enough make you care when people die. There was even a moment when the good guys were walking away from a freshly dead monster and I said "that one's not dead" and they must of heard me because the Sons of Anarchy guy turns to his partner says "hey lets make sure it's dead" and they turn around and blow the crap out of it. They even skip the kiss at the end that seems like a requirement. Seriously, it's the kind of movie they should show in film school to prevent more Fast and Furious movies.

They're really sucking the dick of this movie at the new forum. I thought it was good, but it only gets :threeloudsmashingrobots: out of five from me.

The Queen of Versailles: fascinating documentary at first that after a while just seems like a Real Housewives of Orange County marathon. Or maybe an even trashier,dumber, and dirtier version of the Kardashians. It's about the Siegels and their over the top opulent lives made possible by David's Westgate time share resort empire. What a sleaze ball. I hated him, I hated her, and I hated their kids. All 8 of em. It originally started as a documentary to showcase their gaudy 90000 square ft home being built in Orlando but then the economy crashed and the Siegels fell on hard times and it became more of a riches to rags story of sorts. You'll be ready for it to be over before it is and curious enough when it does end to google them to see how things turned out.

out of 5

Oz the Great and Powerful - When Oscar Diggs, a small-time circus magician with dubious ethics, is hurled away from dusty Kansas to the vibrant Land of Oz, he thinks he's hit the jackpot-fame and fortune are his for the taking-that is until he meets three witches, who are not convinced he is the great wizard everyone's been expecting. Reluctantly drawn into the epic problems facing the Land of Oz and its inhabitants, Oscar must find out who is good and who is evil before it is too late. The 1939 film was a huge part of my childhood. It was on all the time and I had an extremely unhealthy phobia of the Wicked Witch of the West. She absolutely terrified me. I'm proud to say I've overcome my fear of her. The Mila Kunis version is less scary than the Margaret Hamilton version. I thought this was going to be a straight prequel to the Wizard of Oz, but apparently Disney doesn't have access to a lot of the items featured in the Wizard of Oz. They have access to anything that was in the books (whether it was in the 1939 movie or not), so there was some prequelish stuff in there that you had to pay attention to catch. But the ending for Oz didn't make sense to me and overall, it was a bit of a disappointment, but I'm in for the sequels. I thought James Franco was really good for the part, which everyone else seems to disagree with. I like his laid back, don't give a shit attitude.

(out of 5), where = the cowardly lion.

That's the movie that made Tit Jr hate movies.

Slumdog Millionaire - Not bad. I didn't know the answer to the final question (I thought it was D'artanian.)

Hitch- greatest romance comedy ever? I think so

The Conjuring - It's Ghost Hunters 1970. Effectively creepy. The plot gets a cursory explanation and you just accept it or fuck off. Has a few jump scares but doesn't rely on them. Rated R, but you can take your kids because it's all demonic faces and vomiting blood but no titties or cuss words. Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire.

(out of 5)

You saw this at the theater? I can't watch scary movies anymore and I used to love them.

I did. Titette and her friend wanted to go and I took them because I'm the cool dad. Some teenage kid (a dude) kept screaming like a girl when scary shit happened. Stuff like that enhances the horror movie theater experience.

I have never heard of this and it looks awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMFZOu8rDUQ

Any ideas on how to get a copy?

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

rr has a 5 url per message limit? Who knew?

Just popped in the Hobbit. Pray for me, cap.

invite fruit. he won't tell you a damn thing

damn right

There are no walking trees in this one. Turn it off.

I don't care about spoilers. I've seen this.

Masterpiece!

The Hobbit - Took three viewings. That sounds bad, but it really wasn't the fault of the movie. Shit came up twice and well, the movie IS long. I don't know why this got such average reviews though. It was the same fucking thing as LOTR and that's not bad if you have the time to sit through it. It was a bit slow and drawn out, but you're telling me the Walking Trees wasn't a slow point in Two Towers?

A bit of a sad moment though. I usually go read Roger Ebert's review of movies after I see them and this is the first one where there was no review. Maybe this is the movie that killed him. Stay hard, Roger.

(out of 5)

He would've given it 3 stars.

You don't know why it got such average reviews then you give it three out of five? That's very gammish of you. But I still love you. My only "fault" with the Hobbit was that it was too cute for me. The silliness of the dwarves made it a little less "bad ass" than LOTR for me. But that's the nature of the story that can't be altered.

I said it was the same thing as LOTR. Since LOTR got great reviews, I figured this would too. That's what I didn't understand. Maybe it wasn't kickass enough for the other reviewers too. I also gave LOTR 3 stars.

Also I use half points, so 3 is technically better than average.

wat.

I apologize. I shouldn't have compared you to gam. That was uncalled for.

I feel like the first comment was just to set up the second. I was hoping for better.

You have uncovered the oblivious

We're the Millers.

This movie stars Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Aniston. The Hoobstress figured this would be ok since Aniston was in it, so we went.

Let's see. The good part was that I got to hear Aniston say fuck and dick quite a bit. That's about it. There was supposed to be brief gross nudity in it, but it was some guy's balls after he got bit by a tarantula.

Stay away from this movie. It sucks.

(out of 5)

Ted- I wanted to hate it, but it wasn't bad. 2 bongs out of 5

Room 237 -- Did you know that the Shining was really about how Stanley Kubrick faked the Apollo 11 moon landing? Well it is. Also, Jack Nicholson is a minotaur.

and a half.

Quote:

Muscle Shoals

Excellent documentary regarding the birth of the Muscle Shoals sound and the effect it had on the music industry. LA and New York would send their artists to a hole in the wall town in north Alabama to hewn their songs.

Wilson Pickett, Percy Sledge, Aretha Franklin, Rolling Stones, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Clarence Carter, Leon Russell just to name a few.

This movie is epic!

Iron Man 3 - I don't care anymore. 3 stars.

Gravity -- It was a real downer.

& 1/2

Thank you....so many people said how great it was and I thought it was HORRIBLE! Nothing really happened, other than it was that bitch's fault everyone died and the end, I was expecting apes on horses to pull up and take Sandra Bullock away in a net. Shitty movie