Wait a sec...I thought NASCAR was the sport for intellectuals?

Babyarm.

It's amazing how there are a legion of individuals who think Waltrip's boogity boogity boogity is great. Before Waltrip does this, Larry McReynolds says, "Reach up dere one more time and tighten up those belts real tight." I hate that just as much as what Waltrip does.

There are a large number of people who hit the mute button just as the cars are about to take the green flag to start a race.

So correct me if I'm wrong, but did I see ex-Cav Brad Daugherety doing pre-race commentary on ESPN?

That's him. I wonder what his hate mail looks like.

He doesn't bother me in the least, but I see some complaining about his work on various message boards.

This week's race is at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the site of a big disaster of a race last year because the tires couldn't take the strain. The tire composition is stronger this year and things should be better.

Even so, this race is often a parade and not that eventful.

Mark Martin had the fastest practice speed at 180 mph. The Indy cars usually turn 220 mph laps. I can remember it was a big deal when Mark Donohue turned a lap of 180 in the early 70s.

Still, this place is a big deal and I'll be watching.

I wanna see Scion Xb racing.

That would be pretty funny on a dirt track.

oooo, there's a dirt track on the way to Waco (I think around West)
I'll sneak the toaster in and drive a few laps.

What a bad event the Indianapolis race was. Juan Pablo Montoya dominated but was assessed a speeding penalty for driving too fast on pit road. Jimmie Johnson won, Mark Martin was second. Juan Pablo swore on the lives of his wife and kids that he didn't speed.

In case you are wondering, pit road speed limits were instituted after Ricky Rudd spun on pit road in the 1990 Atlanta race and killed a tire changer of Bill Elliott's crew. Rudd complained that his brakes malfunctioned. Plenty of dumbasses complain about this rule, but it's there for a good reason, dumbasses.

Very little passing in this race, kinda reminded me of an F1 race. The car of tomorrow is part of the problem, the track has something to do with it, too. The old car configuration was hard to pass here, the COT is worse.

Stands had lots of empty seats.

It's a pretty bad race when you can click over between innings of a Rangers game and not miss a thing.

Hoob.

Whoever does Old Spice Swagger ads doesn't do things by the book and I like this.

There is a commercial for the awful product now that shows a young Tony Stewart afraid to go up an escalator, then shows Tony as an adult after using Old Spice. A couple of blonde cuties walk up, and one gives him a turkey leg and he takes a bite out of it all manly-like.

I didn't post a link to the youtube ad because I can't find the one of him eating a turkey leg at the end of the ad. I laugh every time I see it. And I hate Tony Stewart.

Hoob.

I have never bought any product simply because the commercial for it was funny.

Until Old Spice started using Bruce Campbell. I now use it exclusively. All their commercials are greatness. The LL Cool J spot. The one with the guy saying its for manly things like recon and frenching. Genius.

Brian Urlacher Old Spice Swagger Commercial

geenyus

Ratings continue to drop for NASCAR. On Sports Media Watch they have this headline that made me laugh:

Brickyard 400 Shoots a Brick

As I said earlier, attendance at Indy wasn't that great. There were a lot of empty seats.

Hoob's take on this: there were a lot of casual fans that came on the scene after Earnhardt's death at Daytona in 2001, but now they've gone on to other stuff. It's the American way, so suck it.

Hoob.

Maybe NASCAR will wise up and sacrifice jr to boost ratings. I'm sure there is no shortage of Sterling Marlin wannabes willing to rid the sport of that dipshit.

Today's race is the second of two races at Pocono, maybe the worst race of the year. In the previous race here, Tony Stewart had to start at the back of the pack and won. He has to start at the back again today.

Because they do reach speeds of 200 mph, sometimes bad things happen here.

I don't have anything else to do today, but I can't imagine me watching much of this thing.

Rain on Sunday means that the race will be run Monday. This means that tennis will get higher ratings this week.

ESPN showed last week's race instead, probably a good move by ESPN. I bet this event is the second highest-watched event behind the Buick Open. If Tiger hadn't played, they would have won the weekend anyway.

The new restart rule has caused quite a few of these races to be interesting. Today's race was the wildest Pocono race ever. Unfortunately, one of my bottom five douches, Denny Hamlin had the best car and won. Little Denny was upset because his Granny died and was somber after the race.

I don't feel sorry for Denny. It doesn't change him from being a douche. He wrecked two cars that got in his way during the race. So eff him.

After the race, Juan Pablo Montoya got mad at a reporter for trying to stir up some crap between him and Kasey Kahne when there wasn't anything going on. They had bumped during the race and Kahne came over and apologized to JPM.

Hoob.

He any relation to Judge Slut?

Hello. My name is Juan Pablo Montoya. You bumped my car. Prepare to die.

I see that on Fark all the time. What the hell is that from?

Never mind. I went to Googleitbitch.com and figured it out.

Today they race at one of two road courses on the schedule, Watkins Glen, NY. Wish I could go. Hope this race is as good as the other road race this season was under the Christmas tree.

Rangers baseball is on at the same time, dang it.

No DVR at the Hoob house. It's raining at the Glen, so my problem is solved for now.

Watched the Nationwide race on Saturday, which is the minor league race. It was at Michigan and as usual there were Cup regulars racing and dominating. But they didn't win.

Brian Vickers and Sports Douche number one Kyle Busch were duking it out for the win. However, Vickers got loose on the last lap and nearly wrecked at 195 mph, and this caused Douche to lose momentum. While this was going on, Brad Keslowski passed both of their asses and won.

In the pits, Douche parked his car in front of Vickers and got out and called Vickers a bunch of names while Vickers was still in the car. I was yelling at the TV, "Get out and fight!" He did get out, but they didn't fight. Busch blamed Vickers for him losing.

I enjoyed this race. Sunday's won't be this good.

Hoob.

Vickers won at Michigan. Jimmie Johnson ran out of gas with 3 laps to go and Vickers inherited the lead. Not that exciting of a race.

^pretty much describes EVERY race^

$5

I wanna kiss you.

My oh my. Jeremy Mayfield's stepmom was arrested over the weekend at Jeremy's house. See if any of this makes you grin:

Lisa Mayfield, the stepmother of Jeremy Mayfield and a witness for NASCAR in defending its suspension of the Sprint Cup driver, was arrested Saturday night after an incident at her stepson's Catawba County house.

The arrest was made at the home of Jeremy and Shana Mayfield. According to Shana Mayfield, she and her husband were on their way to Cherokee Speedway in Gaffney, S.C., for a dirt-track race when they received a call from a couple that lives on their property.

Hey, honey. Wanna go to the dirt track race?

Oh, and here's a picture of stepmom:

That is one fucked up family.

Sunday's race was the third-most viewed event of the week on cable. I am surprised by this.

This weekend's race is my favorite of the season: the Saturday night race at Bristol, Tennessee.

Bristol is a short track, is highly banked, and the cars hit about 140 on the straightaways, about 100 on the turns. They crash a lot. Drivers always get mad at each other here. And the picture of the guy with the 3 shaved in his back hair is from Bristol.

And I have a gig this Saturday and will have to miss this race. I'm hoping it rains and the race has to be run on Sunday.

After a week off, the series cranks up in Atlanta.

Atlanta has the same type of configuration as Texas and Charlotte and is commonly called a "cookie-cutter" track by the morons that criticize NASCAR.

However, in this case the morons are right. Atlanta was a better place when it had the rectangle configuration. One of the best races ever at the end of the 1992 season was held on that track. In 1997 they changed it to the current tri-oval setting.

Now it's just a race that is held with a lot of empty seats.

In a pretty smart move, they held this race at night to hide the empty seats.

Kasey Kahne won and the race was interesting. Although many of the drivers appeared to have a lot of difficulty keeping their cars from crashing, there weren't any big wrecks and just a couple of spins. There is one more race left before the chase begins, and that race is at Richmond next weekend. It's a short track and the races there are usually pretty good. Can't wait.

And now, Jeremy Mayfield has file a wrongful death suit against his stepmother. Ol' Jeremy's dad died in 2007. He doesn't say how she caused this guy to be killed by death, but I guess it doesn't matter.

Oh, the po-po ruled that Daddy Mayfield shot and kilt himself.

Everybody in this bunch has a restraining order against everybody. They've all sued each other. I wonder if their pit bulls have been subpoened yet.

Another Saturday night race, this one is at Richmond. There are only 3 short tracks in the business now, and this one is the least interesting. Some of the old timers think there should be more short tracks. I say that three are enough.

Yay, a race with drama. The 12 contenders for the championship were decided after tonight, and there were two drivers, the evil Kyle Douche and Brian Vickers who were racing for the last spot. Vickers is in, Busch is out. Here are the 12 that have a chance for the championship now in order of points finish:

1. Mark Martin (my fave)
2. Tony Stewart (will kill myself if he wins)
3. Jimmie Johnson
4. Denny Hamlin (same as if Stewart wins)
5. Kasey Kahne (like this guy)
6. Jeff Gordon
7. Kurt Busch (Dick Hicks' favorite)
8. Brian Vickers
9. Carl Edwards (like this guy)
10. Ryan Newman
11. Juan Pablo Montoya
12. Greg Biffle

Matt Kenseth, who started the season out with two wins, didn't make it. His team is lost for some reason. Dale Junior didn't finish in the top 20. Neither did Harvick.

Spare driver Carl Long got a 200 point cheating penalty at the start of the year. He never raced after that, finishing with minus 200 points. Giggle.

Hoob.

Wait a sec. Where's Jr? I thought he was the greatest driver ever?

Yep. His little beer can throwing fans are blaming everything in sight for this.

The Dover race was today, only watched the end because I had stuff to do. Jimmie Johnson dominated, Mark Martin second. Dull.

The highlight might have been Joey Logano's crash in which he rolled 7 times but was unhurt.

Today I had to go out to the TMS. Meh mother-in-law got one of those deals where you ride along for a couple laps with a professional driver. Why all of us had to go out and watch her, I've no idea, but we drove an hour to get there to watch her go 2 laps. It might have been fun in the car, but it was less than thrilling to watch. Me, the wife, and squids stopped for lunch on the way home. I asked the kids what they thought. They were bored.

Damn proud I am of those kids.