Sigh. We get to hear about this for a week. I want her to win, but I don't want to get beaten down by her dancing on the pole.

http://www.thatsracin.com/2013/02/17/10 ... woman.html

You get to hear about it for a week? Where?

He said he gets to hear about it on "race week"

Fuck a duck. What if you went to a NASCAR race and got injured while sitting in the stands? That would suck Dale Junior's dick.

http://www.thatsracin.com/2013/02/23/10 ... tands.html

Worst Daytona 500 ever.

A fluff piece about Danica and her relationship with her crew chief, Tony Gibson. This guy is a fat redneck and, she is neither. It was actually well-written and I enjoyed it.

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/nascar--th ... 59264.html

From the comments came the usual haters. One of the funnier comments was this:

It's sad when your crew chief has bigger boobs than the driver...

My fave, Carl Edwards wins the Subway 500 at Phoenix driving a car sponsored by...Subway. Cue the conspiracy theorists, also known as June Bug Tards.

Carl hadn't won in a couple of years, so it was big news. If anyone else had won, the biggest news would have been Danica's crash after blowing someone, er, a tire.

I think today is the Fontana, California race. This yawner of a track is considered to be Jimmie Johnson's home track. There are two reasons to not watch this race right there. The other is that dumbass Waltrip yelling BBB at the start.

Stay away from this race.

Looks like I missed a good ending of a race that shouldn't have been that good. And Logano was involved in a skirmish again, this time with Toni Stewart. He also put Hamlin in the hospital. I think he is about to be my new favorite driver.

Martinsville, a tough small track race was today. Jimmie Johannsen won and I hate him. But that's not the news of the day.

Danica finished 12th. She passed car owner Toni Stewart on the track toward the end. He finished 17th. Before that, she passed June Bug on the track. He finished 24th.

She needs to scissor me.

One of the things that beats me to death is mention of the so-called All-Star weekend, or All-Star anything in NASCAR.

They always have the pit crew competition during that time.

But not this year. It is cancelled due to lack of a sucker to sponsor it.

http://www.thatsracin.com/2013/04/09/10 ... ition.html

Hoob.

This weekend is the STP 400 from Kansas City, Kansas.

This thing has so many things going against it. First of all, STP? Nobody uses that crap. Even NASCAR fans, who aren't the smartest thing we have in the country, know better. As a kid, no racing product was promoted more. Getting free STP stickers was no problem. I had a cigar box full of them.

However, at least Fox will mention this sponsor and not treat them like they did the NRA.

And then there is this race. Boring.

Stay away from this race.

At the Nationwide race on Friday night, Nelson Piquet Jr. kicks Brian Scott in the nuts. Scroll down to the 1:27 mark.

http://cinesport.charlotteobserver.com/ ... e-circuit/

Piquet is now my favorite driver.

Talladega is this weekend. Some drivers are already mad at each other. After the big one happens because of some douche blocking at 200 mph, there should really be some pissed off drivers afterward.

Stay away from this race.

After watching the Rangers win, I idly flipped over to Fox and noticed the race still had 65 laps to go. Rain delay caused this.

Watched it and a huge rectum happened at the end. It was dark outside, and there was water on some of the camera lenses. The wreck was caused by Stenhouse and took out about 10 cars including Danica. No nookie for you tonight, Ricky. Ryan Newman made a memorable speech about how this accident was caused by someone not being able to pull their heads out of their asses. He was talking about NASCAR.

DW was annoying as ever, cheering for Junior and Mikey. When is Mikey going to come out of the closet, by the way?

Anyway, David Ragan made an impressive run on the last lap and won in exciting fashion. I love when no-names win and this thing had a good ending.

It was so dark at the end of the race that when Ragan did his burnout, his gauges in the car could be seen showing brightly. Amazing. And no, Talladega has no lights.

Newman's exact quote:

"They can build safer race cars, they can build safer walls. But they can't get their heads out of their asses far enough to keep them on the race track, and that's pretty disappointing. I wanted to make sure I get that point across. Y'all can figure out who 'they' is.

That's no way to end a race. That's just poor judgment in restarting the race, poor judgment. I mean, you got what you wanted, but poor judgment and running in the dark and running in the rain. That's it, thank you."

Who is 'they', Hoob?

I didn't know about this until stupid Corby mentioned it.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nascar-fr ... 44077.html

He had three third-place finishes and was decent in the late 80s and early 90s.

On ESPN, Keith Olbermann always reported the race results and then told where Trickle finished. One time, after Trickle spun out in a race, the in-car camera showed him lighting up a cigarette while still strapped into his car. Olbermann couldn't quit laughing while reporting on this.

Fuck me with the nearest metal object I can find for watching the World 600 today. It was fucked up and took forever.

There was the matter of the Fox camera wires falling onto the track and getting tangled up with cars at 200 mph. Boogity.

There were good things that happened: June Bug, Jimmie Johnson, and Kyle Douche all had misfortunes and made Hoob happy for a while.

Alas, the bad overshadowed the good. Matt Kenseth got fucked over by his own team, Kasey Kahne did too, and motherfucking Kevin Harvick won as a result. I hate that sonofabitch.

Ricky Stenhouse wrecked Danica again.

Sigh. I should have stayed away from this race.

video of the cable on the track
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... s6SBtYgBkI

I watched it then giggled when some dude just grabbed on tight and started hollering beer drunk style.

I vaguely remember Mike Harmon from the truck series. It appears that he is accused of stealing two race cars and five race trucks. His victim appears to be a certain Jennifer Jo Cobb, an owner/driver in the lower series. She has been mentioned here before when she got caught up in controversial stuff crap mess.

The po-po put Mr. Harmon in the pokey for his misdeeds, the second time in a couple of weeks that he has felt the handcuffs.

http://www.thatsracin.com/2013/05/29/10 ... perty.html

Dover was today, a track that sucks balls.

Toni Stewart won, which sucks balls. Every time that I tuned in to this race, Kyle Doosche was leading, and that sucks balls. Jimmie Johnson led the most laps, and that really sucks balls.

So glad that I stayed away from this race.

Balls.

At Bridgeport, NJ, 37 year old Jason Leffler died in a sprint car accident. He has run in the Nationwide and Sprint Cup series for a long time. I knew who he was but didn't know much about him. I didn't even know his nickname, LEFturn.

It's part of the business, I guess. But it sucks.

I follow Tweets from this oddball because he is funny:

nascarcasm ‏@nascarcasm

View of grandstands from the spotters' stand on Sunday after Dale Jr.'s engine blew up.


https://twitter.com/nascarcasm/status/3 ... 16/photo/1

I like the pretty colors on the NASACAR cars

Watched the end of the Sonoma race today, which was on a road course. This track is not as interesting as the Watkins Glen track and the race wasn't that good, either. The only good thing that happened was Martin Truex, Jr. won easily. He hasn't won in several years and it was odd that he would break his drought here.

June finished 12th.

Here is the big story of the week:

Kyle Petty makes news by saying that Danica is not a race car driver. She can drive fast, but she can't race. Not a big fan of this guy at all, but he is probably right. Dang it.

Tune in to Race Week this weekend for more.

So there's a difference between driving fast and racing? Huh.

When did NASCAR turn into WWF?

When they realized rednecks love both.

Kentucky is this weekend, and it will be the third annual race for this new venue.

To the delight of the Junior Lovin' Tard nation, their hero qualified on the pole. To the dismay of the JLT's, the race was rained out until Sunday.

I won't be home on Sunday afternoon, so I'll have to miss the heartbreak of him losing again.

Stay away from this race.

Loudon, New Hampster is this weekend. This track is extremely boring. The only good thing that will happen is, Junior will not win. But it doesn't matter. If I need to be able to sleep off a Saturday night drunk, I'll have the TV on.

Stay away from this race.

Lower-level driver feud.

http://thatsracinluckydog.blogspot.com/ ... inues.html

ESPN gives up on NASCAR. So now, it's gonna be Fox and NBC.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nascar-fr ... 12581.html

This means NASCAR will not be mentioned on Sportscenter. Hockey fans have complained about the treatment that ESPN has given hockey since they don't show that sport these days. I wouldn't know, since I don't watch Sportscenter.

I'm not a NASCAR fan but I never seen it on espn.

Indy is this weekend, and it will be the 20th running. NASCAR writer Tom Higgins had this to say about the first practice in 1994:

Delightfully, there was a spirited race to be first on the track to practice. Wallace wanted the honor deeply because of his team owner Roger Penske’s great history in the Indianapolis 500. But so did Earnhardt.

Wallace prevailed because he drove out of the garage area. Earnhardt chose to walk out in the Indy tradition, following as his crew pushed that menacing-looking black Chevy from Gasoline Alley. The ovation greeting Earnhardt seemed to rock the earth.

As Earnhardt sped down the long backstretch at the rectangular 2.5-mile track I stood on pit road beside team owner Richard Childress. Suddenly, Childress, who was in radio contact with Earnhardt, bent double in gales of laughter.

“What did he say! What did he say?” I asked.

The message Childress relayed is far too earthy for me to print. It dealt with the state of Earnhardt’s ecstatic excitement about getting to drive when it counted around The Brickyard, long considered off limits to NASCAR.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I remember reading about this on a message board when it happened. Earnhardt said on the radio, "My dick's harder than Chinese arithmetic."

Hoob, you may have covered this before but what happened to the Indianapolis 500?

When I was a kid, the only racing names I knew were Foyt, Andretti, Unser, etc. I heard the name Richard Petty, but didn't really know anything about him. The 500 was a stop down. And I grew up in the south, too. But Indy was the only race anyone I knew cared about.

I remember something about the Indy people wanting their own circuit or something and if you didn't race on their circuit you couldn't race at Indy. Was that about it?

Please use small words.

Your friend in Xenu,
-D. Ello

American drivers couldn't get in because they didn't have financial backing. When the split happened, there were five Americans and the rest foreigners, and it got worse later.

The last straw was when teenaged Jeff Gordon, clearly the best driver in the lower levels, not being able to get a ride in Indy Lights, which was the AAA of open wheel. He didn't come from a rich family. He had no sponsor even though everybody knew he was a special talent. So he went to NASCAR and was wildly successful. Plus he knocked off more tang than Hugh Hefner and Magic Johnson combined. Okay, I exaggerated a little there.

This pissed off Tony George, who owned the Indy speedway. He made changes to the open-wheel series and that led to a split. Most open-wheel fans hate his guts and think he ruined the series. I strongly disagree with that.

They made up a few years ago, and things are exactly like they were before they broke up in 1996. Some say it will never be the same because of Tony George.

The Indy NASCAR race is today. The track is not really suited to this type of car and it will be a snoozer.

Yesterday's Nationwide series race was duller than watching grass grow because Kyle Doosh dominated and won. Joey Logano attempted to make it interesting with a great move on a restart at the end, but even that wasn't enough.

Today will be more of the same. Stay away from this race.

Watched this thing during commercials of the Ranger game, and Jimmie Johnson was dominating and boring everyone to tears. After the game ended, I switched over and apparently, one of his crew fucked up on the final pit stop. Ryan Newman took the lead and won as a result.

It was announced last weekend that Newman is getting his ass hung up on at the end of the season so Kevin Harvick can have his spot on the team. It's funny, Newman loses his job but Danica Patrick doesn't. It's all about sponsorship. And cocksucking. Talking about Harvick. Not Danica.

I like Newman and am glad he won. The massive number of empty seats looked like they enjoyed the race, too.