OOH V-Lookups, and Pivot Tables. Drip Drip Drip.

What's up, bitches?

And then sneak snake goes dancing
Wiggling and a-hissing
Sneaky snake goes dancing
A-giggling and a-kissing
I don't like old sneaky snake
He laughs too much you see
When he goes wiggling through the grass
It tickles his underneath

?

Whoa!!! Ordalay Essay! We were positive you died in an above ground pool accident.

Things have not been going well with the Hoobstress, and over the weekend I dreamed about my last fling. Of course she was just as perfect in the dream as she was in real life.

There is lots of discussion online about why people dream this sort of thing, but none of that really applies here.

Oh well. A kickass time was had.

One thing I often dream about is being in a former house I used to live in. When I was married, I often dreamed that the wife and I lived in my childhood home. This house was ratty as all getout.

Last night I dreamed that a former girlfriend lived in Grandma Hoob's house. Nothing happened in the dream, but it was odd that she was there and I enjoyed this dream.

Dream moods has nothing on this, but an online dream expert says this is a common type of dream.

In other news, there are actually professional dream analysts.

I dream of dragons

You dream of snakes

Here's a pretty common dream for me and I had it last night.

I'm driving along a road that has a pretty deep ditch on the side. The slope is enough that it would be fairly easy to roll over. And I drive off the side of the road into that ditch. The dream ends as soon as I get into the ditch.

Dream moods says that "To dream that you are driving a vehicle signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life."

If that's the case, it's summed up my life perfectly.

Cue the what the fuck mullet guy.

I sometimes have a driving dream where I am driving balls out in reverse. I'm really freaked out during the dream and bracing for impact. I am usually rattled when I wake up.

The other driving dream I sometimes have is traveling on a bridge drive over a lake. I guess it's a lake. The lake level is always at least even with the road and sometimes covers sections of the bridge. I hate this dream too.

I was checking out Dream Moods as mentioned in your post. Did you see they have a forum? It's formatted like this forum. Its members are called "dreamers". When I looked there were 185 dreamers online. The 1 topic I wanted to check out was towards the bottom titled "Sex and Eroticism". I did not have permission to view this. All the other spare topics are open to viewing.

I sometimes have a driving dream in which despite all my efforts, I cannot stop the vehicle. Without consulting DreamMoods, I bet this means I'm afraid of losing control of things.

Oddly enough, I never noticed that they had a forum. After reading through some of that stuff, I bet I have some sort of nightmare tonight. I bet it is some sort of combination of fat girls and trampolines. And nudity.

Oh dear. That got a cackle laugh out of me.

Last night I dreamed that I was doing laundry. The problem was, the machine was overflowing. I had too much in it, and socks and stuff were going off to the side. Not only that, the damned thing wouldn't go on spin cycle. It would start and then shut down. I restarted it, and it would shut down.

Dream moods has this to say: "To see or use a washing machine in your dream suggests that you need to resolve issues of the past in order to be able to make a clean, new start for yourself."

Well lah-tee-dah. That's all of us, isn't it.

Auntyflo.com has this to say: "To dream that you are washing clothes shows that you are keen to clean up any problems in life, or coming clean about something that is bothering you. This dream means that your concerned about your status in life.

A washing machine in a dream denotes that your troubles will wash clean away."

It's prom season. High school girls commonly buy a dress, go to a tanning booth, and get their hair fixed for the occasion. Hoob ISD has several teachers with kids who are attending prom. One of the teachers stopped me in the hall last week with this story:

"Mister Hoob, this is really awkward, but I have to tell you this. I dreamed last night that you were fixing our girls' hair for prom. You had one girl in the chair and there was a line of girls waiting for you to fix their hair."

I told her I would look online to see if there was some sort of interpretation that would apply, but I don't see anything that is really close. I just chalked it up to someone having a funny dream.

I had two odd dreams last night, but I only remember one.

I'm standing in the kitchen and a mouse appears, then runs behind the cookstove. I move the stove and there is a momma mouse and a bunch of babies. I kill them with a fly swatter. Yes, it was a fly swatter. Dream moods says this:

"To see mice in your dream indicates that you are spending too much time dwelling on minor problems and insignificant matters."

From auntyflo.com:

"If you kill a mouse in your dream, it indicates that you will probably buy a new wardrobe."

I wonder how late Men's Wearhouse is open today.

I would take that to mean you'll need to buy new bike clothes after your latest wreck.

My wife had to physically wake me up this morning which is odd. I normally always wake up unprompted. I was in the middle of a dream where I was a bartender. This striking older woman was giving me come hither looks and when I approached her she asked for a dry lemdale 80. It really rattled me as she was very sultry and would not divert her gaze. Also, I have never tended a bar and didn't know what the heck a dry lemdale 80 was. I was scrambling all around trying to find my phone so I could google it, but she kept watching me so I kept myself busy doing bartending chores instead so as not to show my ignorance. I woke up before ever getting called out on it. While the dream was still fresh I googled "dry lemdale 80". It doesn't exist.

did you have a boner when you woke up?

Well, did you?

Last night I dreamed I was in a minor fender-bender. I couldn't reach the brakes. Dream moods says this:

To dream of a car accident symbolizes your emotional state. You may be harboring deep anxieties and fears. Are you "driving" yourself too hard? Perhaps you need to slow down before you hit disaster. You need to rethink or re-plan your course of actions and set yourself on a better path.

I dreamt that our franchise next door moved out and left us a huge empty warehouse, which would allow us to expand our production capabilities and I can actually get my fucking work done. Fucking dreams, man.

On Friday night I dreamed that somebody was trying to break into the house. My "sometimes" girlfriend was with me. They tried the front door, then the back. Dream moods:

"To dream that someone is trying to break into your house indicates that some subconscious material is attempting to make itself known. You are in denial about some aspects of yourself. Alternatively, the dream may be about a current relationship or situation that is making you uncomfortable. You feel that you are losing your own identity or space."

Yesterday was a bad day for us, but at least grex did occur. Last night I dreamed that she and I were making a bacon and tomato sandwich. Dream moods has an answer that isn't any help on that one.

The good news is, I haven't dreamed about doo-doo lately.

I few days after I dreamt about an empty warehouse to make work better, I dreamt I was so stressed out at work that my eye was having another stroke and I was going blind again. Woke up in a cold sweat and my heart pounding.

Fucking dreams, man.

I had this dream last night. I put the car in reverse and started backing up but the brakes wouldn't work and I kept going faster and faster backwards until I caused an accident, though I didn't actually get hit. Then I sped away.

Twist: The reason I was in the car was because I was looking for a quiet, secluded place to masturbate.

Hoob?

Wow. That was awesome. None of my crazy dreams will come close to that one.

I keep dreaming about work and it's pissing me off.

i hate those

On Saturday night, I had a dream that I was at a baseball game. It was like a sandlot game. I covered several games for a small-town newspaper last week, so that probably influenced my dream.

Dream moods says this:

To dream that you are attending a baseball game represents contentment and peace of mind.

I don't know what to say about that.

Last night I dreamed that I was cleaning some cubby holes that were used to store stuff. When I got to the bottom, there was a damned snake down there waiting for me.

I got away from there but at about that time, one of the admin secretaries happened to be walking by. It sprung out at her and tried to bite her on the foot but got her shoe instead.

If you ever want to wander off into an internet rabbit hole, look up snake dreams. Dayum.

Nothing that I read was any help, and a lot of time was wasted.

I'll take a stab:

You wanna fuck that secretary, but first you'd like to do a little foot worship with her.

How close am I?

Ok, here's a new one. I was driving way too fast (about 80 in a 30) and was racing a bunch of other people. I swerved to miss someone and my trusty Honda couldn't take it. I flipped the car and it woke me up. Dream moods says this:

"To dream that you are in an accident signifies pent-up guilt in which you are subconsciously punishing yourself over. Perhaps you are not proud of something you have done. Alternatively, the accident may symbolize an error or mistake you have made. Accident dreams also represent your fears of being in an actual, physical accident. You may simply be nervous about getting behind the wheel. Or the dream is trying to warn you of some accident."

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It was foggy as all crap on my drive in this morning, but I made it safely.

If I know Hoob, this is spot on.

Another baseball dream.

I was a senior at some unknown high school and was as unathletic as ever. The baseball coach (who I didn't know) told me they were in need of a pitcher for the JV. Anything I could do for them would be appreciated. So I agreed.

In my mind, my arm was 61 years old and I wondered if I could make it through the warmup tosses to start the first inning.

The last thing I remember was getting dressed with the rest of the team, and none of them spoke. We were getting dressed in the unused snack bar of my current school. Then I woke up.

I am missing baseball badly. You could use some baseball.

Two dreams about trains.

1. I dreamed that it was legal to claim a train car for free and it would be yours. So I claimed ownership of a brown box car. Then I watched it be pulled away. I remember it had graffiti on it with white paint.

2. I dreamed I was riding my bicycle down a hill and I could hear the rumble of a train coming and I hurried to beat the train. I did get to the crossing first, but the train was coming toward me in reverse and there was no caboose. The leading car was a brown box car.

Then I woke up.

I dreamt I forgot how to play the saxophone. I felt frustrated that I couldn't remember how to play even the simplest etude.

I do not play the sax, nor have I even held one.