Mike Sirois ‏@MikeSirois 3m

Ready for take off! If anything happens I just want to tell the world tha

Rich Phillips ‏@rphillips1310 58m

SMU vs. Houston football coming up. Pregame at 1030am kickoff at 11 on @dfwticket #PonyUp


7:58 AM - 29 Nov 13 · Details

Reply to @rphillips1310 @dfwticket


FakeJakeKemp ‏@FakeJakeKemp 35m

@rphillips1310 quack

Corby Davidson ‏@corbydavidson 2h

The NBAs stoppage of play for "infectious disease control" should be re labeled as the "don't give me AIDS motherfucker" rule.

Re: Cracker Barrel Pulls Select Offensive Duck Dynasty Products Reply

Don't know why y'all make a fuss over this anyway , or why cracker barrel would either. Most queers are vegans and don't eat at places like cracker barrel! They eat each other at home!

I think they changed their minds

Christianity is being attacked like back in Paul's day. We will prevail

Corby Davidson ‏@corbydavidson 15m

Wife buys Wizard Of Oz off amazon. And it's the Korean version. Ha chi ka pa ta........

hey Mallard brained
Phil Robertso!
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash
shower-dodger,
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.
so,
just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off,
you are now in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media
beat down.
(I'll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)

your statements were and are
abhorrently and
mendaciously unforgivable.

the idea that you have a job
outside of dirt-clod stacking
is a miracle.

the only 'Dynasty' you are attached to might be the
re-runs of that dated show.

the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.
perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the
army of scabies and
bull weevils sequestered deep in it's sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.

shame on you.
you're the only surviving
brain donor I've ever known.

when the gators and Egrets
kick you out of their
hovel,
you need to make serious amends to those you have
radically offended.

on the eight day
when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,
I'm pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and
locate the nearest
Andy Gump.

repulsed by you;
c sheen

hash tag;
Duck; that was me.

bring on the persecution!!!

From twitter: "@FrankConniff: AK-47 assault rifle inventor Mikhail Kalashnikov has died. Leaders of the NRA are flying their tiny penises at half mast."

Darrel Dockett of the Arizona Cardinals: "Apple is releasing a new product in China: the iOpener."

that's so funny i forgot to laugh

It appears that Kevin McCarthy is thinking about discontinuing his message board:

1. this forum has been a worthwhile part of my life and yours, if you're reading this, for a long time.
2. i think this forum currently only has about 50 active users...facebook has provided a new and in many ways a better online experience for a lot of digest members.
3. the number of replies in the threads dealing with homosexuality, obamacare, _____ is an idiot & other similar topics is a lot higher than the threads/replies in the backyard fence/office break-room, neighborhood bar topics that used to dominate the digest.
4. i'm beginning to wonder whether this forum is still worthwhile or not...
5. i'm NOT asking for "please, kevin, keep the digest going" posts.
6. i'm just sayin'---if the spirit of "the rules and policies of this forum" continue to be violated on a regular basis, i'll probably just make a "thanks for the memories" post someday and pull the plug 24 hours later...:frown:

(He then posted a link to board rules)

***********************

I have been a member there for 7 years, but I have never fit in. At 55, I might be too young for the others.

Oh, and the stuffy radio info message board went dark a few weeks ago.

Do you have the link to his forum? I'd like to join and violate some rules. Thanks.

Marco Andretti ‏@MarcoAndretti 4h

Nice 3 mile beach run today. Sand is tough to run in ! #DR

Arie Luyendyk ‏@ArieLuyendyk 26m

@MarcoAndretti p*ssy

I'm gonna mess with him

Mike Sirois ‏@MikeSirois 21m

FU Ice Cube get your own beer it's certain death out there on the zipline & ice rocks this is a bar get something from in here.

Greg Tepper ‏@Tepper 6h

In retirement, Michael Young will open an Italian restaurant called Pasta Diving Michael Young.

Corby Davidson ‏@corbydavidson 1m

Well at least now a Twelfth Man can say they actually won a title.

From A P1 Wasteland:


E.W.WFebruary 22, 2014 at 7:43 PM
The tiny wrinkles and craters in my cheeks spread smooth as my ass pressed heavily against the cool white porcelain saddle. Some one observing from inside would have seen a triangular beam of light passing through the gap between my hairy thighs, casting a distorted silhouette of my dingus against the back of the bowl. It would look like a black and white photograph of a bald man in a wheel chair turned upside down with big drops of mysterious liquid shooting into the sea of darkness.

I knew it was going to be a special day, but I would have never guessed, that my balloon knot was soon to create such beauty.

The labor was not typical -- no pushing or moaning, no grunting or sweating. I sat there for a while, just contemplating, just waiting for the moment to come.

Then it came along, slow and sure, like a mighty freight train pumping up a steep grade. But this was effortless. My puckered rim gaped wide as it began to slide out. Inch by inch its slick, ebony form shot into the water making perfect little circles that rippled out and reflected off the bowl.

Minutes later, when it was completely free, I jumped up, and after a deep exhale, took in the full power of its scent. It was so strong that I nearly fainted, but instead found within the sensation a kind of peace and oneness with the world. Upon opening my eyes, I could see the top of its head sticking out of the water. The tapering of its head was consummate; it’s body, a fat, grainy cylinder that would rival the biggest black porn-stud’s trunk.

I had so much joy in me, such pleasure at the extraordinary beauty of my creation. I had given birth to an enigma, a log shaped like a question mark. It literally was. It seemed to ask me, "why?" And I couldn't answer.

It was a microcosm of life itself. I loved that foul smelling newborn child of my ass, I loved it with all my heart.

I wanted to save it, to raise it and watch it grow. I wanted to lift it to my breast to hug it like I hug my other children, but I feared that it would become misshapen and would foul my shirt. It’s smell pushed me back, but like the foolish heart that I am, I am still in love. I took one last look at my beloved ass-infant in the toilet, and with a tear in my eye, I said goodbye, and sent it on its way.
I do believe it loved me too, and I do believe that it will return to me one day.

Oh wow.

E.W.W.February 25, 2014 at 8:32 PM


I had an urgent rumbling from deep within my bowels this morning. I had been feeling a bit backed up due to the massive burrito I had eaten for breakfast. As I was waddling through my office, farting like a tractor, about an inch of what felt like a monster 2 ft. long corn-eyed butt snake poked itself out of my colon. I felt a growl and ache down one side of my body as the mass within shifted. I could feel the avalanche approach; El Diablo had arrived.

I hurriedly made my way down the hallway to seek some relief from the hot stars that were trying to force their way out of my ass. My spider felt like one of those child's toys where you have to put the correct shape in the right hole.

The first six inches of my overgrown Tootsie Roll flew out of my ass like a bullet from a gun. As the chunk fell from my ass like an atomic bomb from the Enola Gay, the ordinance clipped the waistband of my descending pants, spoiling the aero dynamism of the ejected projectile and causing it to spin out of control. This anal ICBM landed on its side, hitting the seat and breaking in two, half falling into the drop zone and half causing collateral damage to the surrounding ceramic tile flooring.

My ass came down onto the white plastic saddle as the second wave of carpet-bombing began. I looked at the unexploded warhead of the Titan lying on the floor. The inch that had been slipping in and out my rim was dark and
oxidized from its exposure to air. The rest of its structure was light brown with what looked like flecks of tomato skin imbedded in its body. My eyes watered as the Bombay door opened and the last scud missile was launched.

It curled forward and upwards like a curly fry, prodding me in the balls before snapping off and splash landing in the bowl. The poke in the balls was a bit unexpected and gave me a little surprise, so I opened my legs and gathered up my flaccid root and nutsack and pulled them aside just in time to see a Champaign-cork-like projectile plug fly out and splash in the murky waters of the Brown Sea.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose. A pint of foul smelling gas escaped. Smelled a little like turpentine, rotten eggs and ass. It was an accurate aromatic precursor to the upcoming diarrhea onslaught. I strained and forced, and out it shot in a rain of death. A flow of gelatinous semi-solid, rancid butt-meat soaked in half digested Dos Equis beer poured from my colon like concrete from a redi-mix truck. When I was done, I felt like my spider had been torn apart, shredded and doused in muratic acid.

I wiped the sweat from my brow, and like the man that I am, turned to face the daunting task ahead; the clean-up. The backsplash caused by the nuclear detonation of my shitbombs in the bowl left an oily residue all over my toilet-water soaked taint. The standard bathroom issue single-ply toilet paper would not suffice for this bio-hazard cleanup project. I had to lean over and reach into the cabinet and grasp a roll of my double-secret, special emergency reserve 2-ply Charmin Bath Tissue. The absorbency and fluffy softness of the White Ribbon of the Gods was comforting to my battle weary asshole. I worked fastidiously to remove all traces of radioactive bile from my hairy ass-crack.

When my hole was clean and buffed to a sparkling sheen, I wrapped a few strands of the Charmin around my hand to form a thick, white mit. I pushed my feet forward, leaned over, and removed the forgotten land mine from my path of escape. I then held my ballbag with my other hand to prevent any ancillary contact, and deposited the unknown soldier into it’s watery grave.

As I pulled up my pants and tightened my belt, I glanced back at the throne for a final look at the industrial waste caused by the consumption of a radioactive breakfast burrito. In this brief moment of reflection, I made a mental note to eat an Egg McMuffin for breakfast tomorrow.

Are these new or is he re-posting old ones? Some of this sounds familiar. Of course, I guess there's only so many ways to describe a turd.

Upon further review, Tit's right.

That looks like we just had an argument which is being arbitrated by a rabbi and we can't stand to look at each other.

That rabbi is really reading you the riot act in what appears to be Chinese.

I don't know if those poop stories are old or not but they really pissed off T4 in Rockwall who called shenanigans and called for e.w.w.'s banning. The stories have been removed.

From my Ticket Confession:

Trained Gaucho February 28, 2014 at 7:33 AM

Thanks again to Former BaD intern......what kinds of food did you have to bring them? Did you ever bring them Mexican food?

Sagger?

From Fark, someone talking about Nancy Grace:

"Ol' Pepperoni Nipples has had it coming for a long time."

I like nipples as-is but, man, flavored ones would be all kinds of kick ass.

Never mind. I read that as peppermint nipples the first time.

Actually, peppermint flavored would be all right with me. Not only that, but it might be handy for getting other tastes out of my mouth, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do.

Do I ever, hoob. Do. I. Ever.

Jer ‏@poponjer 7m

Really hope SMU didn't get jobbed because of the completely false rumor that Craig James killed five hookers while there.

Dan Wetzel ‏@DanWetzel 14m

Feel bad for Larry Brown, the SMU players and both of the team's longtime fans