i eat fupa

I just LOLed.

That's gotta be good for 10% of cap's next order.

Nobody gets this.

I did it for you in hopes you would laugh out loud.

My underpants smell like fish.

While the roller grill snacks at QT are very tasty, particularly the pepper jack tacquitos and buffalo chicken rolls, they always unleash a fury of burning fire shit.

Vicksburg, MS = jig town

At least you get to see what an actual river looks like.

We got river crickets in DFW. Oh wait, you didn't say that.

Jesus is a big player in the rural South.

He's the reason for the season.

Lee Ann Rimes looks like the female version of Junebug.

A 5-pound cat will leave 6 pounds of shit on the bed if left alone for 7 days.

The TMZ show that comes on late nights is fucking horrible. Who enjoys watching a bunch of douchebags sit around a cubicle area and talk about stuff they found on wwtdd.com?

not alot of negroes in SoCal, at least where I live/work.
Every goddamned make and model of Asian, though.

And a shit ton of mexicans.

Meetings immediately after lunch suck. There nothing worse than holding in post-lunch farts for an entire hour. When I got back to my desk, my asshole breathed a muffled 7-second backed-up fart into my chair. The chair was pissed.

What is TMZ and WWTDD and how do you know what they are?

I forgot to shave between my butt chin this morning.

oh, jeez.

If your wife catches you taking a leak outside, she gets really, really mad at you.

Just tell her you saved $.02 worth of water cos you didn't flush, city mouse.

She was ticked when she caught me peeing in the flower.bed.

Really? I let the dogs out every night before bed. The other night I had to piss and I couldn't wait for the dogs, so I just went outside. My wife thought it was funny.

That won't be tolerated in Frisco

If it's my yard, it will. It's not like I pissed in her kitchen.

Her problem seems to be that I did it out front. It was dark, the dog was out doing her thing, and I hid behind one of our column arch thingies and peed in the bushes. She was afraid someone would see (the street was dead) and, worst of all, that my piss stink would linger there and anyone who comes to the door will smell it.

Out front?!?!?!? Were you raised in Wise County?

I've done this outside a couple of dozen times. If my wife knew, she'd get mad. I just never got caught.

I peed my name on Cle's fence once.

Before you ate it?

Mine didn't care when I peed but but boy did she blow a gasket when she came home and saw me hunched over like a dog taking a shit in the front yard.

Y'all ever shit in the woods? I had to whil playing paint ball

Of all weekends to have the shits I developed them on one of the Meat campouts. Trying to take a dump when it's pitch black and you are drunk is not easy. I almost fell into my own pile of feces.

OMG! I thought that was a cow patty.

It's like the good old days of RR.

I think a couple people autographed my fence that night. It looked like the side of a liquor store in south dallas.

A zit in your ear hurts like hell.

Snagging a sock on the pinky toenail kinda hurts too, just in a different way. It also is a pretty good indicator that it's time for a trim.