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I was home and so were the kids. I noticed the omimous clouds on the drive home. It was sunny then about a mile from home it got hella dark. I hung around and relaxed a bit before the storm rolled in. First we got a little rain, then I started to hear the pings of pea-sized hail. Tit Jr came down with a handful of DS games in preparation for coming onslaught of dark times. His prep skills = shit. We looked out the back windows as the hail increased to marble-sized. Within seconds, they were up to golf balls and they started to hit the windows. It was quite a racket but we weren't alarmed. Then I heard a crash and noticed one of the windows was broken on the outside (yes, these were double pane windows.) I told Tit Jr the windows were breaking and to get the hell away from home. He runnoft to take shelter in the utility room which is completely enclosed, so that was a good move, and then hell came crashing down around us as those fuckers pelted the back of the house and destroyed everything they came into contact with. I only witnessed what was happening in the living room as I retreated toward the front of the house but a buncha sideways rain and ever-increasingly-sized hail flew into the house as the curtains proved how useless curtains are by letting the wind whip them around to its will. I haven't experienced a shelling like that since 'Nam.
Titette came downstairs and hung out on the staircase (probably her safest option at that point) and she wasn't handling it well but at least she wasn't panicking. I should add that Tuesday was her 16th birthday and I think it ended up being a shitty birthday for her. We just stayed home all day that day getting shit cleaned up and most of her friends live in the same neighborhood and got hit too so it was a no fun day for her. I feel bad about it but at least none of her stuff got ruined since her room is at the front of the house.
Anyhoo, as the house got shithammered, I made two phone calls. One to Mrs Tit to tell her to get her ass home pronto, and the other to her dad because he's handy and knows how to fix shit like this. After 5-10 minutes, it stopped and was only raining, the straight down kind. We quickly assessed things: Living room was trashed, and kitchen had water all over the floor. The Master bed, Tit Jr's room, and a spare bedroom all had broken windows, wet carpet, etc. Not much furniture damage, but Tit Jr's Wii U is on the fritz. His TV is fine, tho. They were right by the window. Oh yeah, all the blinds for these windows were completely annihilated too. A tornado siren went off, but someone much wiser than me once told me to ignore those because they're bullshit. She's right because it stopped after like a minute.
We went outside and neighbors were starting to venture outside. No one on our street was spared. We spent those first crucial minutes just standing around talking and one-upping each other over how much damage we had. There was lots of conflicting info on what to do. Someone called carpet cleaners, which in my opinion is pretty fuck the far down on the list of first responder shit. Eventually the in-laws showed up with plywood imported from Frisco (the local Home Depot was reportedly packed) and we set to boarding up the windows. It took hella long. It was cold and we were drilling thru plywood and into the window frame. It wasn't ideal. I thought my father-in-law was gonna drop dead on us out there. The backyard was a muddy swamp, he was exhausted, and his body started cramping all to shit. Plus I'll prolly have to buy him a new drill after he tossed it down to me from the second floor and I had second thoughts about catching it because of the pointy bit so I let it go splat in the mud on the ground. It wasn't working well after that (it's a DeWalt.)
Despite the length here, I'm still leaving a ton out. But that's enough for now. How was your Monday?
The End
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Sorry, man. Glad it was only windows that were broken. The images on the news are insane.
