It really helps you poop.

It can also give you some nasty flesh-eating farts. I may need a new chair soon.

it also gives you faster internet

Don't mention that in front of Sagger. He'll get pissy about Verizon again.

how do you imbibe your fiber? bran muffin, cereal or fiber one

cud

I had a bowl of Fiber One cereal this morning, then a couple Metamucil wafers after lunch. HO-LEE SHIT! I just had to step outside the building to blow a few mighty blasts. I was appalled yet giggling at the same time.

I'm taking all this stuff to try to lower meh cholesterol, which hasn't been diagnosed, but I can only assume is through the fucking roof.

A big ass bowl of raisin bran before bed will have you running to the shitter as soon as you wake up in the morning. If you have time, it's a good idea to light a few candles and some incense before you open the bombay doors.

My bowels continue to be pummeled as I have now taken meh 3rd PowerDump within a 24-hour period and I am consistently muffling elephant farts into meh chair. Another bowl of cereal worked its magic this morning. I'll have another dosage of Metamucil wafers with lunch. Should make for an interesting 2:00 project meeting.

I'm enjoying this.

are they stinky?

Sometimes. Usually they're just loud and oddly-shaped. Still trying to gauge whether yesterday's hydrogen bombs were due to the Metamucil or Sunday's Taco Cabana lunch.

are the stools softening?

No LiquiShit(TM) yet.

Is this some sort of cleanse that you are on?

Trying to lower cholesterol.

by farting and shitting up a storm?

Your coworkers called and asked me to tell you to just try cutting out the eggs and quit shitting in your pants all over the office.

Shitting lowers one's cholesterol? I'm healthy as an ox then.

but it raises your blood pressure.

The fiber is the only way to clear out the bad cholesterol that's in you right now. I still gotta change meh diet and exercise on occasion or it'll stay high. I'll probably just consume more fiber since shitting > exercising.

So let's say you successfully lower your cholesterol and lose weight. When people ask you how you were able to do it, you going to tell them "I just took a bunch of shits"?

VBF would be skinny if that was the case.

Not "a bunch of shits", but "the right kind of shits".

i think i just lowered my cholesterol by 100 a few minutes ago

Of course, I heard all this information second hand, so it might not work. But since I'm shitting and farting at a greater clip, I don't mind.

Sounds like someone's gearing up for softball season.

you know what to do

Tell you to get it started?

Get it started, cap.

How do you know if it works or not? You said you didn't have your cholesterol checked first so there's no way to know for sure.

Fiber is good for some laughs though, so I endorse your new diet. Make sure you include the kids and play "pull my finger".

Yeah, I admit I pretty much have no clue what I'm doing.

Include these:

Grape juice that is 100 percent grapes, not 100 percent juice.

A handful of almonds a day. Try to get the unsalted type.

I can see you now on Oprah, talking about the new "fartabunch" diet.

I'm afraid 100% grape juice will give me baboon butt.

Don't ask me about what I think fried chicken and big red soda will do to me.

*notices green cloud over Garland*
I think we can all guess.

well, now I have a weird feeling that I need jheri curl stuff on my head.

Dear Tit,

Inspired by your testimonial, I picked up a box of Fiber One honey clusters yesterday and took your challenge. I don't really care about cholesterol, I just really enjoy a good poop. In all honesty, it's better than sex. I found the lightly sweentened whole grain flakes with honey clusters to be not only delcious, but quite the catalyst in triggering an epic shit storm. Did you know this selection has a whopping 13 grams of fiber which is 51% of the daily value? That's quite an invitation for the captain to dance, I don't have to tell you. At any rate, I am very pleased with the results and endorse your system.

I continue to eat Fiber One for breakfast each morning, and on Saturday managed 4 monster dumps in a 24-hour period. Don't forget trying the Metamucil wafers as a snack. Though I no longer use them, they are tasty and take your pooper to a higher level of production. Metamucil is like Slick 50 for your colon. It's that good.

I always poop twice on game days.

Did you not know already that fiber gives you better poops? I don't think this is Tit's system. This is commonly known.

everybody knows about fiber. i was crediting Tit more for Fiber One. they used to only have that shit cereal that looks like canned chow mein noodles, but they've really updated their cereal portfolio.

whoa whoa whoa.

you talkin' smack to somey?

No, he's talking shit to somey.