From the Misc. Romance section, men for men:

Subject: Traditional Dating Anyone?

Come on guys, I know there has to be someone out there that is looking for something a little more meaningful than mindless sex. I am looking to meet a nice, attractive guy to date and go from there. I am 26 5'11 130lbs black guy, let me know if your interested.
Thanks

Hoob's comment: Traditional Dating? You are 5'11 and weigh 130? You sound like you already have the AID.

Here's another one from the fag section:

hi, looking for a hot hung guy to be serious with, if u lie and hoar around move along.. no time for that, just looking for someone cute and hung 8+ and clean , so yeh

Hoob's comment: This guy has a big asshole.

From men for women is this one:

Do you have trouble setting and meeting your goals? Do you have a problem being on time? Do you lack the discipline that you need to accept and follow through with your responsibilities? The answer for you is a firm hand!! We would communicate regularly, and you would tell me things that you need help with. When you don't achieve your plan, you will submit to me for a spanking. You will bend over my knee and receive your punishment for not being responsible. Let your discipline be a reminder of the consequences for your actions...

Hoob's comment: World. Hell. Handbasket.

Hoob.

I thought they pulled the personals after someone used it to track someone down and kill em.

They are now even more full of fakes than ever. If it's a woman, aged 21 with no picture, it's a spam bot trying to get you to some site. 100 percent of the time.

Some of the ads will say, Dallas or something like it, but then say they are a student at UMASS, go Patriots. Many of them have bits of random html code that got into the text of the ad.

The latest sure sign of spam is one that reads something like, Im studying art at SMU (go Mustangs!!)

Uh-huh. The very next ad ends with this gem: Only msg me if you have a picture and want to get laid!!!!" Im studying philosophy at SMU (go Mustangs!!)

Two more ads down: You must be discreet and DDF. XOXOXOXO Im studying music at southern methodist (go mustangs!!)

Two more down from there: if I enjoy what I see/read, maybe if youre real lucky not only will I write you back but send you some pics of my pussy and me playing with it. If all goes well, Im free Mon and Tues afternoon to play a little. Im studying theatre at SMU (go Mustangs!!)

Them Methodists sure are horny.

I'm gonna leave my wife for this hunny:

okay so here is the deal.i'm looking for sumone that might wanna accompany me to the Kid Rock Skynard show next wednesday in Dallas at Super pages in fair park. I am 30/wf/auburn hair and green eyes,dimples and great smile.and i am a full figured female. Not ugly ,jsut xtra cushion.

Hoob.

I bet she has great back skin for my suit.

oops, sorry this is what I meant to post on there:
okay so here is the deal.i'm looking for sumone that might wanna accompany me to the Kid Rock Skynard show next wednesday in Dallas at Super pages in fair park. I am 30/wf/auburn hair(wig) and green eyes(contacts),dimples(sharpie) and great smile(goatee). and i am a full figured (man) dressed as a female. Not ugly ,jsut xtra cushion.

Meet you at 7?

IN!

save me the leftovers!!!

This is from a sistuh in women looking for men:

BBW looking 4 fun. Breasts 52DDD, size 28w - please respond w pic or no response.

Casual Encounters is where the gold at:

I see that little Miss Robert Newhouse is posting:

I AM 5'4 180lbs ALL IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

Oh, my. Check out these females:

Wanting to try some bondage already know i love to be hand cuffed spanked and blindfolded.

Hoob's comment: Handcuffed? That's stupid. The only way I'm going to handcuff a woman is to protect myself.

How about this one:

SEXY college girly girl seeking older wealthy man to meet TONITE for fun!
I'm very classy so you better be too!
I have big boobies and a bigger heart, down to earth, great smile, and gorgeous eyes
i luv sex!
what more could a man want?

Hoob's comment: She's fatter than hell.

I wish we could post comments on Craigslist. I'd definitely comment on this one:

I'm looking for someone who can sweep me off my feet, who likes to snuggle by a fire but also likes outdoor sports, travel, and adventure.

Hoob's comment: Snuggle by a fire? Bitch, it's 90 degrees at 11:51 PM. You ain't snuggling by no fire, you stupid fat lyin' whore.

Hoob.

Translation: "I'm looking for some rich dude to take me to 5 star restaurants, owns his own house and can afford to take me to Cowboys games, skiing in Colorado and 3 month trips to Europe. Basically, fucker better be loaded and willing for me to spend his cash, no questions asked."

Cristal Taylor?

Sahel Kazemi?

POW!

Would anyone like to get a headache? Read this and you'll get one:

yr old Black MARRIED IM ft POUNDS LOOKING to MEET AND HANG with a guy for an ONGOING DISCREET RELATIONSHIP - IM A BIG WOMAN so I NEED A TALL GUY WITH SOME MEAT ON HIS BONES I DONT WANNA FEEL LIKE IM HAVING SEX WITH A LITTLE BOY . PLEASE YOU must be DRUG AND DISEASE FREE have a PERSONALITY someone I CAN be FRIENDS with and also have HOT n HEAVY "FUN" with -). I consider myself to be a nice person I have NO DRAMA in my LIFE just LOOKING TO FULFILL A NEED TO BE SATISFIED. I DONT DO ANAL SO DONT ASK IM LOOKING FOR A GUY THAT LIKES TO DO ORAL BECAUSE I WILL DO IT TO YOU IF YOU WANNA GET TO KNOW MORE JUST SEND ME A MESSAGE AND A PICTURE OF YOURSELF.... NO PIC NO REPLY THANK YOU P.S MUST BE ABLE TO HOST I FOR OBVIOUS REASONS CANT HOST AND ALSO I DONT SMOKE SO IM LOOKINF FOR A NONSMOKER I DONT LIKE THE TASTE OF CIGARETTES THANKS AGAIN P.P.S I WANA HAVE SEX RAW BUT YOU MUST BE DISEASE FREE IM CLEAN AND I HAVE PROOF THAT I AM IF YOUR UP FOR IT YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME

211 words, 4 sentences. They don't teach sentence structure in Souf Dallas.

you emailed offering a quid pro quo to teach her English, didn't you?

I'm putting everything I have in Gold Medal Flour first thing in the morning.

You are golden, sir.

and the two of them would look like a lowercase i and capitalized O next to each other.

I've gotta hit the sack. But I'll be smiling and thinking about Gold Medal Flour.

and black chick in white face after the flour sack explodes.

This post in the musicians section has pissed off a lot of people because they want a band to learn some songs for free by the weekend and do it all for free. As it turns out, it was just some joker who was trolling. Man, musicians get their panties in a wad really easily.

Looking for a house band to perform at a event this weekend, we already have singers performing, you would just be backing them up during their performances, so you would have to be able to learn a few songs in a few days, the gig is not paid, but you will be given a lot of publicity and we'll continue to keep you in mind for future events on a higher status. we'll be auditioning bands this Thursday, and the best band that can learn the songs, and has some their own material to play throughout the night, will be our house band on Saturday night. contact us now @ dhsquad@yahoo.com put "HOUSE BAND" in the subject title.

so, how'd you figure out it was a scam? After you sent the email saying "Fuck off"?

Mrs. da Tough Jeans?

Here's one from Nigeria:

Hello, I am a little bit shy. I am very smart and helpful. I have bright and charming eyes and good body shape. The man love sports will be good for me then we can do "sports" together. Send me an Email then we can start.

Hoob.

odds on "Hoob" actually being in that = Very high.

Some ticket shtick in this one:

SBF with southern build (pow pow and pow lol!) and personality/ smile to match. I look nice coming and going lol. you would be proud to hv chocolate on your arm.

Hoob.

She's not gonna go all Kobiashi on you, is she???

Found a guy right here selling wheat pennies for $7.50 per roll, which is 15 cents per penny.

http://dallas.craigslist.org/mdf/clt/1285661184.html

I was told when I was a kid to hang on to these things, someday they'll be worth something. Well, that was 40 years ago, and today they aren't worth a tinker's damn.

Using a rare tool called Google, I was able to look up the value of wheat pennies. Most wheat pennies are worth 3 cents. My most valuable one is a 1919 penny worth 12 cents.

Anyone who falls for this ad is a dumbass. I'm taking these things to Six Flags this weekend and dropping them off that damn slide/tower thing onto people's heads and killing them with death. Pow.

I'm just kidding. They don't have that slide any more.

Hoob.

I guess I'm wondering what it is that's gonna be that last straw that pushes you into the sniper shooting at a poor gas attendant, putting holes in oil cans...

*sends hoob a homemade white pages, with only R H Walt listed a thousand times*

WHY IS HE SHOOTING AT THESE INNOCENT OILCANS?!?

Looks like somebody stole a car from Alienking:

2000 Honda Integra Type R was stolen from the Hyatt Parking lot early Wednesday morning. We are offering a reward for anyone that gives information for its return in original condition. Whoever stole this car has stolen from the wrong person. This is their chance for it to be returned or they will be found.

In the Rants and Raves section is a post called "songs and virus:"

This is to all the little fucking fucks out there throwing viruses into the songs that one would be trying to listen to. You fucking fucks !!!! can't you just stop doing that and do something productive ! cocksuckinglilbitch !
FUCK YOU !!! sick of this shit !

I flagged this one called "THE DEATH OF LARAZA IS SOON"

NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF ELSTUPIDO,,MEXICANTS,,,AT WALMART ILLEGALS GO HOME ,,MEXICO IS MISSING THEIR PUSSIES,,,THEY WANT ALL OF YOU HOME,,,,PUSSY ,,,,PLEASE PUNCH 1 FOR ENGLISH,,,,

It had 4 pictures in it, one of some guy screwing a donkey.

Hoob.