ok, hoob, you got me looking in the personals section.

WTF kind of image is this to use?

hi I am Slave Boy and I am looking for A mistress
to treat me like a slut slave I will obey my mistress
as she tells me what to do if not then I will be
punish by my mistress I am avalible any time

signed dallas_coonass

Giggle. The person who posted that will probably be at our gig tonight.

he-HE!

Here's one that was posted on a Monday night from the women for men section:

So im getting so down in the dumps....seems like everyone has somebody and here i sit alone on a sat night with nothing to do.

And then there is this gem:

I've heard that some men like girls with small hands, but I've never known why. I've any of you boys do know and would like to show me why then get in touch. My hands are small and soft and delicate if that is of any help? Personally I like big hands on a man, so long as everything is in proportion hehe!

There are usually 5-10 of this type of ad every day:

(Title: Sugardaddy) I am a 30 year old female. I am 5'3, 110 lbs, blue eyes and I have shoulder length strawberry blonde hair. I am looking for someone to spend time with and in return a little financial help.

From the musician's section. Some DJ guy put an ad on (in all caps), and he got this response:

COME ON, MUSICIANS...WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you going to sit on your drug-stupered asses and let friggin' DJs post and advertise themselves on YOUR forum?? These giant COCKROACHES are partly to blame for the demise of venues that hire real bands!! They have been taking $$$$$money$$$$ out of your and my pockets ever since Travolta hit the big screen with
"Saturday Night Fever".

Karaoke..DJs...they are both responsible for not enough live venues for us...and they are the reason why club/bar owners dont want to pay any more than they can get a DJ or Karaoke frustrated wannabe shitty ex-"musician" for, $100-$150!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERY TIME YOU SEE ONE OF THESE DJ/KARAOKE SCUMBAG-COCKROACH ADS.....FLAG IT...FLAG IT...FLAG IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY, YOU SONOFABITCHING DJKARAOKE COCKROACHES........FLAG THIS!! I KNOW YOU WILL..........SLIMEBUCKET SOB'S !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a piece from someone wanting a death metal drummer. Think about how funny these band names sound to a 50 year old:

My band is looking for a drummer who is into death metal. Our influences include Suffocation, Deeds of Flesh, Incinerate, Dying Fetus, Origin, Cannibal Corpse, The Faceless, Gorgasm, Defeated Sanity, Inveracity, Atrocious Abnormallity, Devourment, Hate Eternal, Disfigured, Guttural Secrete, Deicide, Misery Index, Morbid Angel, Old Cryptopsy, Vile, Disgorge, Decrepit Birth, Severed Savior, Spawn of Possession, Insidious Decrepancy, Nile, etc.

Giggle.

All that's really missing from that list is Vaginal Slice Born Born.

From women for men:

busty black female, In search of mature white male. for long term loving relationship. lots of cuddling, big wet kisses and hours of breast feeding.
pic/ for pic

Misc. Romance, women for men:

My best friend is soon to be released from prison in less than 6 months. She has been celibate for 20 years. Isnt that crazy!!! I am looking for a good man for her . She is a single sexy black female. If you are interested please send me an email and I will send you a photo and contact info. The possibilities are endless!!!!!!

Hoob's comment: Endless? Oh, it'll end rather quickly for some poor soul bruthuh and she will be back home in the pokey again.

From the barter section:

Pictured are two XP disks that were shipped with Dell computers. The title is Windows XP Professional Installation Service Pack

works on any machine, not just dell. all packets are sealed. 214-560-7105

i'm interested in a few laying hens.

Hoob's comment: Really? You are offering to install an OS that you bootlegged from work if I'll give you some CHICKENS? Sorry, I'm fresh out of Rhode Island Reds.

Also from the from the barter section:

Lets Trade Goats/Sheep/Pups (Hunt County)

Have Spotted Wethered Goat/100% Boer Billy/Young Ram/1 Male & 1 Female L.G.D.pups to trade for Weaned Female goats/lambs. Will entertain other offers! HOLLA BACK! Located in Caddo Mills TEXAS
( Please No Wives/EXs/Kids/Girlfriends as I have too many already ) THANKS!

I apologize for the inappropriate language on this one.

From casual encounters:

Title: Could you fuck a pregnant chick?

I'm pregnant and I really need to have sex! It seems like my sex drive has tripled since I became pregnant! I just want someone to fuck me while I'm pregnant! I don't need a baby daddy, just someone to keep me company.....and what I mean by keep me company is, fuck me!

Hoob's take: I really don't know what to say to this one.

At least you can't knock her up.

Good point.

Why do people post sideways pictures? I see it all the time. This one was in women looking for men.

There is an unusual amount of BBW types on tonight. If I was a chubby chaser, I'd be in a target-rich environment.

That image tells you a lot more than a self portrait. To me it says "Hi, I'm a chunky to moderately fat chick. I have nappy ass faux hippy hair, two cats, and at least one hooded cape that I wear when I'm feeling especially sensual. I enjoy Renaissance faires, cookie dough ice cream, watching BBC, and reading Harry Potter (Twilight is ghey). I play MMORPGs incessantly. I love sucking dick, but i have an abnormally potent gag reflex which precludes me from ever actually doing such to a human male person. And I believe my mental age is at least 10 years beyond my chronological age, because I'm just an old soul even though I'm really just a fucking retarded fat chick that has a thing for faeries and english accents."

winner.

well... g'day, mate!

so you're saying whiplashchick put an ad in craigslist?

Wow, dude.

do what?

damn.

ok, i was thinking it too.

remember dammitbrat?

remember? I still have the photos.

and I'm pretty sure i still have front bottom pictures of Juniper (aka Greggo's girlfriend).

that was a dickheaded thing to say, genius.

you're a dickhead thing to say.

I don't give a fuck.

I'm gonna put my balls on you.

I'm gonna make you listen to all of my Eddie Murphy music cds.

I'm gonna make you listen to my ballsack slapping against your forehead.

You actually have Eddie Murphy music CDs?

no.

pussy

i'm sure you've said way worse about her, Einstein.