Sushi?

Yes

well

Thanks for the invite.

Spicy garlic wings from Buffalo Wild Wings are a natural laxitive. They have torn me up twice in the last 2 weeks.

stick figure family decals + minivan = death machine

Although for pure annoyance, this bumper sticker is hard to beat:

I recall Walt illustrated a few years ago how easy it is to get someone's home address from their license plate, so announcing you have a cute little white family or even worse putting their names on your rear window = bad idea.

Exactly, I mean.

Noise-cancelling headphones at work can be dangerous when muffling a fart into your chair as you can't tell if you've properly silenced the expelled beast. If people look your direction, you've erred.

I'm putting that on my list of goals for next year.

Nothing entertains a kid more than a fuckin' balloon. One of them came home with a fuckin' balloon the other day and that thing has been flying around the room constantly ever since. I can't sit down for 2 seconds before that fuckin' balloon drifts toward me and I gotta swat it away again. Next time your kids ask for an expensive toy, save some money and instead buy them a fuckin' balloon.

Our first trip to after hours urgent care with the kid taught me one lesson: dirty minorities love the urgent care clinic.

And they all sit quietly waiting for their turn.

you should blow up a condom like a balloon. it blows their minds....and it's an open for safe sex talk

the wife still makes you wear those huh?

how else do you prevent babies? other than the Obama way

tell her to take a pill or put it in her anoos

Dale Hansen just walked into our office. He was lost.

Did you help him find Jesus?

That's Racist!

It's possible for a common housecat to blow a 4-inch long string of yellow snot out its nose when it sneezes.

Kids never dress up as Jesus for Halloween.

ummm

as a lawn care worker or the main Guy?

Eating would be appreciably harder if Paciugo spoons were the only available utensils.

It'd still beat the shit out of chopsticks.

<-----master of chopsticks

I can pick up a piece of sushi with them I just can't eat rice with them.

Everyone knows how to play chopsticks. That's the first song everyone learns on the piano.

I am a maestro in several octaves.

<--- eats sushi with a fork and doesn't give a shit about all of the disapproving stares

You have to squint real hard to focus on the rice

Five Dora! U pay now!

^ Asian sellout ^

You eat rack o kira whare! You been heah fo houh! You go now!

As hard as it is to believe, you're even less funny in Chinese.

Dam . I was trying to type in a Thai accent.

Don't believe the label when they say your Omega-3 Fish Oil tablets are burpless. Every time I burp this morning I taste tuna and I haven't eaten tuna in weeks.

Those capsules better be positioned just so on the tongue and chased immediately with water or it hurts like a mug. I just don't get why they are so big. I really don't.

Poor Mrs. Tit.