Nostalgic? Here's the... Way Old Forum | Out of Date Site | If you'd like to help keep Remove Rowdy going, donations are appreciated. About $400 a year nowadays is required for hosting and domain fees.
Loading
It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:04 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 114 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:06 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
bigboy wrote:
Sweet Greggo wrote:
skip out early to beat the traffic.


From the looks of the crowd, I doubt traffic was much of a problem.

It is when the cops make your turn left out of the parking lot instead of letting you go right, thereby adding an additional 20 minutes of drivetime. Fuckers.

I took off when there was about 9 minutes left. The crowd was getting sparse, but sparse in a place that holds 90k people is still a lot of fucking people. I'll bet it's an absolute whip during a real game.

Things I liked: McGee. He wasn't horrible. Not great, but not horrible. 2 Beuler. He made all the kicks. They weren't Bonoil beautiful but they went thru the uprights. I'm concerned they didn't bring in a kicker to challenge him for the job, but so far so good.

Things I didn't like: The order of nachos could easily have been cut in half. I couldn't eat them all (that's saying something). I don't know what's in that chili but by the time I had reached my truck I had left an enormous green fog over half of the parking lot.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:14 am 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 20439
preseason has about as much meaning as your post about the game.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:24 am 
Offline
I'm a tool.
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:20 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: at yo mamma's
painful

_________________
all woke no joke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:15 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 20439
so, Jerry trades Crayton, a good but not great receiver who produces.
He keeps Roy F Williams (F as in F him, I don't care what his real middle name is).
Ok. Makes alot of fucking sense, you male Joan Rivers looking hillbilly dicksmoker.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:44 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am
Posts: 15282
^not lukewarm^


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 9:51 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 20439
Tit Whistle wrote:
^not lukewarm^

eh, I finally got to use 'hillbilly' and 'Joan Rivers' in the same post.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:33 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 20439
Mallard Toss wrote:
rowdyhatinwalt wrote:
eh, I finally got to use 'hillbilly' and 'Joan Rivers' in the same post.


very well played.



I thought so, too!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 6:54 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 20439
:fist:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:39 pm 
Offline
I'm a tool.
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:20 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: at yo mamma's
Image

_________________
all woke no joke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:42 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 7:09 am
Posts: 6504
I bet he could use a lunch.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:54 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am
Posts: 15282
I like how he's so dark all you can see are his teeth.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 5:06 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Austin gets a 6 year deal for 1 good season? This has fail written all over it. I don't trust Jerrah when it comes to his deals with receivers.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 8:31 pm 
Offline
I'm a tool.
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:20 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: at yo mamma's
Michael Irvin didn't work out for him

_________________
all woke no joke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 9:02 am 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 7:09 am
Posts: 6504
cap wrote:
Michael Irvin didn't work out for him


I'm gonna box your ears next time I see you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 9:40 am 
Offline
I'm a tool.
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:20 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: at yo mamma's
fruitdog wrote:
cap wrote:
Michael Irvin didn't work out for him


I'm gonna box your ears next time I see you.

I was being sarcastic

_________________
all woke no joke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:42 am 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 4:57 pm
Posts: 7484
Norm was on with D/M this morning floating a theory that Jerreh is having money issues. Not Tom Hicks issues, but he's theorizing that his cash flow with the new stadium and merchandising is not what he expected. I thought it was going to be total crap, but he had some loose evidence to back it up. At the end, he made the point that they needed to sign Austin now to avoid letting him go on the market in an offseason without a cap.

_________________
"She could sell you a house then give you the dripping cock hole after you pummeled her in the fart box and that pile of Arby's meat that she calls a pussy." - DK, 2004


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:55 am 
Offline
I'm a tool.
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:20 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: at yo mamma's
bigboy wrote:
Norm was on with D/M this morning floating a theory that Jerreh is having money issues. Not Tom Hicks issues, but he's theorizing that his cash flow with the new stadium and merchandising is not what he expected. I thought it was going to be total crap, but he had some loose evidence to back it up. At the end, he made the point that they needed to sign Austin now to avoid letting him go on the market in an offseason without a cap.

:babyarm: Norm is full of crap. He makes all these statements with no evidence to back him up. That's why his picks suck.

_________________
all woke no joke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:55 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:06 pm
Posts: 3036
Location: Texas
fruitdog wrote:
cap wrote:
Michael Irvin didn't work out for him


I'm gonna box your ears next time I see you.


:soppy:

_________________
Myeahp


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 11:36 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:06 pm
Posts: 3036
Location: Texas
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?

Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?


===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like

============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?

============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL

============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?

============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

_________________
Myeahp


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:39 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:07 pm
Posts: 3032
Location: these things are good....
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?

Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?


===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like

============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?

============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL

============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?

============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:54 am 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am
Posts: 15282
Trained Goucho wrote:
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?

Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?


===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like

============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?

============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL

============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?

============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:

:babyarm:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:59 am 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:36 pm
Posts: 3832
Tit Whistle wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?

Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?


===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like

============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?

============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL

============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?

============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:09 am 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am
Posts: 15282
Stu wrote:
Tit Whistle wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?

Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?


===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like

============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?

============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL

============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?

============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 12:05 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:07 pm
Posts: 3032
Location: these things are good....
Tit Whistle wrote:
Stu wrote:
Tit Whistle wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?


Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?



===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like


============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?


============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL


============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?


============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm: teams in bold are on 2010 Dallas Cowboys football game schedule


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:02 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:06 pm
Posts: 3036
Location: Texas
Trained Goucho wrote:
Tit Whistle wrote:
Stu wrote:
Tit Whistle wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?


Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?



===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like


============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?


============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL


============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?


============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm: teams in bold are on 2010 Dallas Cowboys football game schedule


:babyarm: :walt: :babyarm2:

_________________
Myeahp


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:00 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Cledus wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Tit Whistle wrote:
Stu wrote:
Tit Whistle wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Cledus wrote:
NFL Reviews by someone from Earth.

NFC East
New York Giants

* Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
* Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
* Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
* Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?


Dallas Cowboys

* Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
* Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
* Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
* Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?

Philadelphia Eagles

* Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
* Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
* Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
* Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?

Washington Redskins

* Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
* Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
* Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
* Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?



===============================
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

* Strength: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justice from being served in their StarCaps trial
* Weakness: The Vikings have struggled to prepare for opponents ever since Minnesota Child Protective Services seized Brad Childress' entire tape collection
* Intangibles: Except for Matt, John, and Rick, who are pretty great guys, Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners
* Biggest Question: The Vikings still have many unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" and "Who was supposed to cover that guy?"

Chicago Bears

* Strength: Running back Matt Forte silenced doubters when he had no problem pushing the offensive line out of his way
* Weakness: Lovie Smith spending majority of practice having players help him pack up his office
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jay Culter displayed his toughness and resilience after getting his thumb stuck in the metal spring clip on his clipboard
* Biggest Question: Mike Martz has expressed doubts in offensive players' ability to learn the wide variety of fish at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium

Detroit Lions

* Strength: Since they play in the NFC North, this team should get two easy wins when facing the lowly Lions
* Weakness: Despite the prayers of fans, players, and coaches, it doesn't seem plausible that the Ford Field stadium will spontaneously collapse
* Player To Watch: Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has the power to burst through the offensive line, the speed to outrun coaches, and the endurance to hide in the parking lot until his contract ends
* Biggest Question: Is this talent-rich roster willing to put in extra effort to get cut from the team?

Green Bay Packers

* Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did
* Weakness: With too many offensive weapons, thoughtful quarterback Aaron Rodgers may struggle with deciding who really deserves the ball the most
* Player To Watch: Former first-round draft pick Justin Harrell is chasing down quarterbacks better than ever with his new motorized wheelchair
* Intangibles: Wide range of veterans and young players may make it hard for the team to find common ground on movies and music they like


============================================
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons

* Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
* Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
* Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
* Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

* Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
* Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
* Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
* Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

* Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
* Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
* Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
* Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

* Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
* Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
* Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
* Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?


============================================
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks

* Strength: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius
* Weakness: Team is in their 10th year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck
* Player To Watch: Tackle Russell Okung is injured and may miss the season opener, so watching him will spare you from seeing the Seahawks play
* Intangibles: Billionaire owner Paul Allen is concentrating less on his team and more on hollowing out the earth so he can live inside it with the dinosaurs there

San Francisco 49ers

* Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
* Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
* Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
* Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

St. Louis Rams

* Strength: Going into 2010, the Rams are almost perfectly positioned to receive another high draft pick in 2011
* Weakness: Battle for the quarterback position seems to be heating up, as neither starter A.J. Feely nor first overall draft pick Sam Bradford wants to be blamed for the upcoming 2-14 season
* Intangibles: Scuttlebutt around the league says the Rams have a pretty good track record when it comes to playing decent music on the locker-room boom box
* Biggest Question: What sick fuck thought it would be a good idea for the Rams to face the defending Super Bowl champion Saints on the road Dec. 12?

Arizona Cardinals

* Strength: Superstar Larry Fitzgerald runs crisp routes, gets good separation, and watches helplessly as poorly thrown passes wobble to the turf
* Weakness: Kurt Warner is getting slower and less accurate because he has retired and is never, ever coming back
* Player To Watch: None, although team is well-stocked with players to turn away from while cringing because you can't bear to watch
* Intangibles: Matt Leinart, who may be the least tangible quarterback in the NFL


============================================


AFC West
Denver Broncos

* Strength: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary
* Weakness: Keep trading for other teams' shitty quarterbacks
* Player To Watch: Brady Quinn should have an interesting year, as he has been vigorously studying the Denver phone book
* Intangibles: Whole team is going to see Phil Lesh and Bob Weir at Red Rocks after its week-three loss to the Colts

Oakland Raiders

* Strength: Just nice to see them outside getting some fresh air
* Weakness: As a team, every single player on this roster fucking sucks
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Jason Campbell is an experienced loser and is not going to mope around and act all depressed when team loses eight or nine straight games
* Biggest Question: If Tom Cable isn't fired during or after the season, will Al Davis get rid of him by drowning him in the Gatorade container?

San Diego Chargers

* Strength: Unmatched at dominating the competition all season long and then dramatically losing in their first playoff game
* Weakness: Nate Kaeding purposely kicks field goals wide right or left, as he hates football
* Intangibles: Injuries on both sides of the ball continue to hurt the Chargers as players get stabbed with the points or slam the wide part into their faces
* Biggest Question: Is this the year Shaun Phillips and Shawne Merriman get a consistent spelling on their first names?

Kansas City Chiefs

* Strength: Quarterback Matt Cassel feels satisfied whether receivers catch or drop his passes; easy schedule as team plays seven games in the CFL this season
* Weakness: Offense continues to struggle when trying to huddle up, with most of the players being overpowered and ending up on the ground
* Player To Watch: In need of a solid season to become a potential holdout, wide receiver Dwayne Bowe is finally trying a little
* Biggest Question: Will new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis actually explode after a big lunch?

============================================
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

* Strength: With stalwart Aaron Kampman at defensive end, opponents will be forced to throw at the weak secondary or run through the soft middle of their line
* Weakness: Quarterback controversy between Luke McCown and David Garrard has coaches wondering if they should even have a quarterback at all
* Player To Watch: Pro Bowl quarterback David Garrard
* Biggest Question: How totally weird was it that three different AFC quarterbacks had to get injured so David Garrard could make the Pro Bowl?

Houston Texans

* Strength: Head coach Gary Kubiak is more than living up to his nickname as "The John Elway's Backup Of Coaching"; if quarterback Matt Schaub continues to improve at the rate he did between 2007 and 2009, he will throw for 6,000 yards and 90 touchdowns this year
* Weakness: Decision to limit injuries by not allowing players to tackle may hurt the defense; running back Steve Slaton's habit of coughing up the ball may be indicative of serious digestive issues
* Player To Watch: DE Mario Williams, three-time winner of the Associated Press "Team's Only Good Player" award
* Intangibles: None, as the Texans continue to be a manifestly corporeal team

Tennessee Titans

* Strength: Questions about Vince Young's emotional well-being put to rest by presence of mentally stable backup Kerry Collins
* Weakness: Jeff Fisher took a big chance by signing three kick returners with phobias of things falling toward them from great heights
* Intangibles: Running back Chris Johnson must abandon his selfish pursuit of the single-season rushing record and concentrate on piling up yards for his team
* Biggest Question: The Titans secondary must face Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, and both Mannings this year; will they be able to keep themselves from attempting to get their autographs during games?

Indianapolis Colts

* Strength: Peyton Manning
* Weakness: Standout back Joseph Addai, dangerous receiver Reggie Wayne, and brilliant defensive end Dwight Freeney are not Peyton Manning
* Player To Watch: Safety Bob Sanders until he gets injured in week four, then Peyton Manning
* Biggest Question: Why is this consistently excellent team so unbelievably boring to watch?


============================================
AFC East
Buffalo Bills

* Strength: Buffalo is well-known for its friendly locals, its world-famous wings, and its proximity to beautiful Niagara Falls
* Weakness: Once again pretty much centers around the entire roster
* Player To Watch: Starting quarterback Trent Edwards. Wait, him again? God, these guys are so fucked
* Intangibles: The AFC East is, perhaps, the league's most talented division, making it the most respectable division to finish last in

New England Patriots

* Strength: Bill Belichick has avoided stealing any wives recently, so he should be focused on the 2010 season; people are sure to tout the Patriots' experience and maturity as opposed to flat-out calling them old
* Weakness: Considering the talent of this year's rookie class, it's a shame that Belichick will once more work one of them until he dies
* Intangibles: Can't discount the possibility of another horrific injury to quarterback Tom Brady; oh, please, Lord, let there be another horrific injury to Tom Brady
* Biggest Question: This may be the year New England finally falls out of contention, but we know full well these fucks will pull a 12-4 season out of their ass somehow

Miami Dolphins

* Strength: With a new big-name free agent and a talented young quarterback, Miami has the potential to disappoint like never before
* Weakness: A common sleeper pick among analysts; few things spell your demise quite as surely as that
* Player To Watch: LeBron James should play his first game at tight end roughly halfway through the season
* Intangibles: Already boasting loads of beautiful women and the NBA's most talented assemblage of players, Miami needs only to win the Super Bowl to really send a fuck-you to the rest of the nation

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up
* Player To Watch: Quarterback Mark Sanchez, specifically his muscular thighs and perfectly sculpted ass
* Biggest Question: Why exactly is everyone so optimistic about this team in the preseason every single year?

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm:

:babyarm: teams in bold are on 2010 Dallas Cowboys football game schedule


:babyarm: :walt: :babyarm2:


I remember him

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:15 pm 
Offline
I'm a tool.
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:20 pm
Posts: 12697
Location: at yo mamma's
Raiders suck

_________________
all woke no joke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:18 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
cap wrote:
Raiders suck

:babyarm: boy howdy!

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 3:22 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm
Posts: 8919
The pizza is ready to cook. The beer fridge has been stocked. The old lady had to work. I am ready for some football.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 3:23 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
jim jack wrote:
The pizza is ready to cook. The beer fridge has been stocked. The old lady had to work. I am ready for some football.

And I am ready for some Hoob. Welcome back, buddy!

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:13 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Sweet Greggo wrote:
Beuler. He made all the kicks. They weren't Bonoil beautiful but they went thru the uprights. I'm concerned they didn't bring in a kicker to challenge him for the job, but so far so good.


That whole team is coached by idiots. "Hey, let's take a guy that's never been able to handle being a field goal kicker at any level and make him "the guy" on an NFFL team so we don't have to pay for another kicker.

I know kicker's aren't real football players but you still need them to win. idjuts.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:27 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Sweet Greggo wrote:
Austin gets a 6 year deal for 1 good season? This has fail written all over it. I don't trust Jerrah when it comes to his deals with receivers.


I'm feeling a little better about the contract now. Austin is looking good strong.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 8:38 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:06 pm
Posts: 3036
Location: Texas
More penalties than points..... Nice. :mad: :banghead: :violin: :urgh: :stress:

_________________
Myeahp


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:49 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm
Posts: 8919
This MNF game Saints vs. 49ers is a good 'un.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 7:59 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Okay, how uncomfortable was it to watch Fergie singing the Anthem with Marc Antony? She was obviously letting him lead vocally (someone has to, no biggie) but it looked like she was trying to follow him physically too. Every time he moved one of his hands she was quick to follow with an unsure movement of the same hand, only mirrored. It was a little surreal.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:00 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Oh, and Faith Hill still looks like a marionette.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:41 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm
Posts: 8919
What I said aloud when Al Michaels gave a well-wishes shoutout to Buddy Ryan after his surgery:

"Too bad he didn't die."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:46 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm
Posts: 8919
The BK march jingle is horrible. I've seen it 2 dozen times today. I need to find out their ad agency and send the Taliban over for a visit.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:51 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Apparently it's chic to hire ugly folks to hawk your shit, cos that dude with the flute is one ugly motherfucker.

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:15 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm
Posts: 8919
Sweet Greggo wrote:
Apparently it's chic to hire ugly folks to hawk your shit, cos that dude with the flute is one ugly motherfucker.


:D


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:47 pm 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:53 pm
Posts: 17382
Location: moving mountains
Sweet Greggo wrote:
Okay, how uncomfortable was it to watch Fergie singing the Anthem with Marc Antony? She was obviously letting him lead vocally (someone has to, no biggie) but it looked like she was trying to follow him physically too. Every time he moved one of his hands she was quick to follow with an unsure movement of the same hand, only mirrored. It was a little surreal.


Surreal, I say!

_________________
Portfolio has been updated! (12/11) Someone put my fat ass to work! http://cargocollective.com/sweetgreggo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: 2010/2011 Season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:02 am 
Offline
Forum Illuminati
Forum Illuminati
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:04 pm
Posts: 20439
Sweet Greggo wrote:
Apparently it's chic to hire ugly folks to hawk your shit, cos that dude with the flute is one ugly motherfucker.

or hang your signs.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 114 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group