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The Uber Chronicles
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Author:  Diello [ Sun Jul 25, 2021 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:  The Uber Chronicles

A few years back I started driving Uber to drum up a little extra cash for the family. My wife and I are both teachers so we get Summers off and spend 24/7 with each other and the kids, so going out driving on Friday and Saturday night isn't really sacrificing any significant family time to make a little extra money. I thought it was a good time to start chronicling various experiences I've had so far.

Saturday night I had a old-ish (40's-50's; most riders are 20's-30's) couple. Picked them up at 11:00-ish at an Econo-Eyes-Wide-Shut style house with a gated drive near White Rock. Not super-relevant, but nonetheless. Some riders strike up a conversation with me, others stay silent, while most talk amongst themselves as if I'm not there. These two were the latter. Unfortunately, there was no lascivious talk between them (have never had that kind of talking in the car, closest was an 18 year old telling his bros in the car that he got "hand" from a girl recently) nor any kind of other taboo subjects (I hear some low-level drug talk from time to time).

But she asked him "how was the movie?" So naturally, my ears perked up. He apparently watched it earlier in the day but it hadn't come up at whatever quiche-lovers caviar dinner party they were at. He had a European accent I couldn't quite place. Or could've been Australian. Who knows. "It was good. Acting was poor, but I still got weepy," he said. Maybe 'weepy' means something different in whatever pussy country he comes from? Nope. "I cried," he said. "Really?" she replied (very passively for knowing what movie he watched). Maybe he watched some high-quality, emotional film?

"The message of the film got to me," he said. "The acting was poor but it still got me. LeBron isn't an actor at all."

This genital wart cried at the new Space Jam movie.

He said some bullshit about some 'be yourself' kind of malarkey but I was reeling. I envisioned myself slamming on the brakes and hitting the button to slide his door open on the minivan and me popping out of the driver seat like Rumble out of Soundwave then throwing his legs apart out the side and pounding his useless balls while he just sits there and his wife watches.

But I didn't. I just drove them home and kept my 4.98 rating. Seriously, though. Fucking Space Jam.

And I got a $10 tip.

Image

Author:  jim jack [ Mon Jul 26, 2021 5:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Wow, fuck a duck. Space Jam.

Author:  Trained Goucho [ Mon Jul 26, 2021 11:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Do you have a preference on rider types? If alone, I'd be the strike up a convo with you rider. With the wife I have to rein it in more as she can be quite anti-social. If we had been in your van you wouldn't have heard a word. We talk like a couple of ventriloquists when in tight quarters around other people.

Also, do you offer bottled water as part of your service? That's such a nice touch.

Author:  Diello [ Mon Jul 26, 2021 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Trained Goucho wrote:
Do you have a preference on rider types? If alone, I'd be the strike up a convo with you rider. With the wife I have to rein it in more as she can be quite anti-social. If we had been in your van you wouldn't have heard a word. We talk like a couple of ventriloquists when in tight quarters around other people.

Also, do you offer bottled water as part of your service? That's such a nice touch.


I talk as the rider talks. "Hey, how we doing?" I say. "Fine, thanks," they say and 20 minutes later I tell them to have a nice day. If the rider offers back, then we talk. Many people are curious about Uber and ask a lot about it and non-invasive questions about me, etc. Working in that my wife and I are both teachers usually helps when the tip comes.

I don't offer water. Don't know how to keep it cold without losing interior space, and don't want it eating into my profit margin.

I do have four charging cords in the first row of seating (including Android) and that usually goes over well.

Author:  cap [ Tue Jul 27, 2021 5:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Diello wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Do you have a preference on rider types? If alone, I'd be the strike up a convo with you rider. With the wife I have to rein it in more as she can be quite anti-social. If we had been in your van you wouldn't have heard a word. We talk like a couple of ventriloquists when in tight quarters around other people.

Also, do you offer bottled water as part of your service? That's such a nice touch.


I talk as the rider talks. "Hey, how we doing?" I say. "Fine, thanks," they say and 20 minutes later I tell them to have a nice day. If the rider offers back, then we talk. Many people are curious about Uber and ask a lot about it and non-invasive questions about me, etc. Working in that my wife and I are both teachers usually helps when the tip comes.

I don't offer water. Don't know how to keep it cold without losing interior space, and don't want it eating into my profit margin.

I do have four charging cords in the first row of seating (including Android) and that usually goes over well.

Offer a happy ending and your tips wil be better.

Author:  Sweet Greggo [ Sat Jul 31, 2021 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

cap wrote:
Diello wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Do you have a preference on rider types? If alone, I'd be the strike up a convo with you rider. With the wife I have to rein it in more as she can be quite anti-social. If we had been in your van you wouldn't have heard a word. We talk like a couple of ventriloquists when in tight quarters around other people.

Also, do you offer bottled water as part of your service? That's such a nice touch.


I talk as the rider talks. "Hey, how we doing?" I say. "Fine, thanks," they say and 20 minutes later I tell them to have a nice day. If the rider offers back, then we talk. Many people are curious about Uber and ask a lot about it and non-invasive questions about me, etc. Working in that my wife and I are both teachers usually helps when the tip comes.

I don't offer water. Don't know how to keep it cold without losing interior space, and don't want it eating into my profit margin.

I do have four charging cords in the first row of seating (including Android) and that usually goes over well.

Offer a happy ending and your tips wil be better.


Just the tips?

Author:  bigboy [ Mon Aug 02, 2021 5:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

I drove for Uber back in the days before tipping was available in the app. So I got less than $100 in tips in the 4 or so months that I drove. The market was also flooded with drivers back then and surge pricing rarely happened. Around AT&T Stadium after games was about it. I did better in the burbs than near either downtown which is the opposite of how you would think it would work. If I started out west of 35 in Fort Worth after work, I had nothing but 5-10 minute rides all night.

I had the same philosophy for conversation: let the riders set the tone. I had a couple of dicey rides with drunks: a TCU kid that tried to bail out of the car while I was moving and another leaving a bar that wouldn't tell me where he wanted to go and wouldn't put a destination into the app. I drove a couple of blocks and asked him to get out. I had my phone out to call 911 when he finally gave me an address. I drove someone I knew two different times and that was a little weird.

I've thought about trying it out again since there's tipping and not near as many people driving, but it just hasn't seemed worth the whip. I probably barely covered my expenses last time and I had no trouble showing it as a loss on my taxes.

Author:  Diello [ Sun Aug 08, 2021 10:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

bigboy wrote:
I drove for Uber back in the days before tipping was available in the app. So I got less than $100 in tips in the 4 or so months that I drove. The market was also flooded with drivers back then and surge pricing rarely happened. Around AT&T Stadium after games was about it. I did better in the burbs than near either downtown which is the opposite of how you would think it would work. If I started out west of 35 in Fort Worth after work, I had nothing but 5-10 minute rides all night.

I had the same philosophy for conversation: let the riders set the tone. I had a couple of dicey rides with drunks: a TCU kid that tried to bail out of the car while I was moving and another leaving a bar that wouldn't tell me where he wanted to go and wouldn't put a destination into the app. I drove a couple of blocks and asked him to get out. I had my phone out to call 911 when he finally gave me an address. I drove someone I knew two different times and that was a little weird.

I've thought about trying it out again since there's tipping and not near as many people driving, but it just hasn't seemed worth the whip. I probably barely covered my expenses last time and I had no trouble showing it as a loss on my taxes.


I avoid Fort Worth as much as possible. The main destinations (downtown and 7th street) are laborious to get in and out of. As you know, we make next to nothing for time. So if you're sitting still in traffic, you're losing money. The only place in Dallas that's even remotely similar is Deep Ellum, but even it has a few alleys and other side roads you can bail out on. And most riders are cool with walking a bit to keep me out of the traffic. Most even suggest it themselves. And the only non-5-star ratings I've ever gotten happened in Fort Worth (7 in total). One douche gave me a 2 star rating after complaining I couldn't get him through Sundance Square traffic during the Parade of Lights. My fault, of course.

I haven't seen a surge price in several weeks. There's probably a small decline in riders with COVID increasing again. In July you'd see +$8 to $10 on Friday and Saturday nights around Downtown/Uptown. Even DFW would often be above +$10 for long stretches. I almost never see surges in Fort Worth.

Tipping doesn't happen as often as people think. Like 1 out of 4 riders on a good night. But the ones that do tip usually tip pretty well. Now they've implemented incentives like "complete x number of rides between Thursday and Monday and got $y. I got an extra $100 for 40 rides a few weeks ago, but those incentives have gone way down. They also do a "$x for 3 consecutive rides in the Dallas area" between a certain time, usually for 2-3 hours from like 9-12, then 12-2. I'll do the 9-12, but skip the puking potential from 12-2. I can usually hit it 3-4 times in 3 hours. Kind of silly because if your ride takes you out of the area (thankfully it's a pretty large area) it can cancel your "streak" and you start over. But it hasn't happened much.

Author:  bigboy [ Mon Aug 09, 2021 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

That doesn't surprise me about tipping. A couple of people that I work with have driven for Uber Eats and Door Dash and said tips are few and far between. They ran a lot of weekend incentives back when I was driving and they were pretty easy to get. I only had a few low star reviews. One them was from some Southlake kids. Only thing I could figure out was that someone ran a stop sign in front of me and I had to slam on the brakes. A couple of times I got lost because the Uber app had its own map feature and it didn't play nice with Google Maps.

What's the permitting situation like these days? It was confusing as hell back when I was driving and Dallas and the airport were the only places that really enforced it. By then it was you were out over $200 for the inspection and permits and that was only if you could find a place that would actually do the inspection. I just rode dirty and never got caught. Your chances of getting caught were pretty low as long as you didn't try to pick up at Love Field.

Author:  Diello [ Mon Aug 09, 2021 7:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

I remember three Summers ago I had to get some sort of permit from DFW airport, but that car is long gone. Never even thought about re-upping it for my current car. Never done anything for Love Field, but I avoid there in general, always way too long wait times, even when there's surge pricing. And I have never had any sort of permit for Dallas. Never even heard about it.

Author:  Diello [ Tue Aug 17, 2021 6:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Saturday night I picked up 4 Russian douche bags from the Star in Frisco. I thought I was being pranked when, in stereotypical-80's-movie-bad-guy-Russian-broken-English, they asked about where the best strip clubs in Dallas are. I honestly have no idea. Is Cabaret Royale still open? English words they know really well: "full service." Then they asked where to find "hot bitches." I had to get one of them to stop vaping in the car. They ended up in Deep Ellum. Good luck with that. I rated them 2 stars. But they tipped really well.

Author:  cap [ Wed Aug 18, 2021 7:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Diello wrote:
Saturday night I picked up 4 Russian douche bags from the Star in Frisco. I thought I was being pranked when, in stereotypical-80's-movie-bad-guy-Russian-broken-English, they asked about where the best strip clubs in Dallas are. I honestly have no idea. Is Cabaret Royale still open? English words they know really well: "full service." Then they asked where to find "hot bitches." I had to get one of them to stop vaping in the car. They ended up in Deep Ellum. Good luck with that. I rated them 2 stars. But they tipped really well.

Did they say 'diplomatic immunity!!''?

Author:  Diello [ Mon Oct 25, 2021 10:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

I think I was part of my first in-car divorce. Apparently, old girl was running her hands up Mike's leg except Mike was not the husband riding home with her. So she was skiing with someone else at Terelli's in front of her non-Mike husband and all their friends. She was happy-drunk and just kept telling me "thank you" while texting with a big smile on her face. Not-Mike kept confronting her about it and asking if she had anything to say for herself and she just kept telling me "thank you" and giggling and texting. Maybe it was a role play thing. They tipped well the next day.

Author:  Trained Goucho [ Wed Oct 27, 2021 10:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Image

Author:  Diello [ Wed Nov 10, 2021 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

There's always people who talk as if you're not there, which is 100% fine. Most is idle chit chat or work related crap. Then there are people who are super-engaging, often asking about driving for Uber and other things. Others stay silent the whole way.

Then there's those groups. Them. They don't talk like you're not there, they purposefully talk knowing full well you are there. They ramp up the vulgarity or the singing or the jokes because it will make their friends in the car laugh harder if you're uber-crude in front of an Uber driver. These fucksteaks get one star.

Picked up some rich 40-somethings that think they're still in the sorority and frat days from Nick and Sam's Friday night. There was some military academy football game at Rangers stadium on Saturday, I guess? Who gives a shit. We can't win a war anymore, so how good could the football game be? I had to drive these obnoxious, fake-money assholes all the way to the Loews hotel at Texas Live. Kill me. Dude drunk-bragging about how he drops $5,000 a month a Nick and Sam's (they'd been kicked out for "accidentally" throwing wine on another customer). If you're so fucking rich, why are you riding in my fucking Chrysler Pacifica? The hags were talking about all the dick they get, which means their monthly lube bill must be through the roof considering how dry those meat-caves must be. "I'm sorry about my friend," one would say when the other talked. Well, I'm sorry you can't get wet without a shower-head on message setting and a finger up your ass.

That being said, crusty girl did close with this: "What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they're both stuck up cunts."

So I bumped their rating to two stars.

Author:  jim jack [ Wed Nov 10, 2021 1:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Every time I see a new entry to this thread, my eyes light up.

It's good posting with you, sir.

Author:  cap [ Wed Nov 10, 2021 1:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Give that joke to Penderson....or whatever Blake's fake name is.

Author:  Diello [ Wed Nov 10, 2021 5:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

jim jack wrote:
Every time I see a new entry to this thread, my eyes light up.

It's good posting with you, sir.


:babyarm: Thanks for keeping this place alive, sir.

Author:  Diello [ Wed Dec 15, 2021 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

A few weeks ago I had a group who got an Air BnB up in Lewisville at a super run-down apartment complex (read: an apartment complex in Lewisville) for some reason. They were Tech kids from Lubbock and they were going out to dinner in Dallas. They were disappointed that there weren't many country bars for them to go to. They really wanted to ride an electric bull but it was Sunday night and Billy Bob's and Red River were closed. So they were looking for a country bar.

So as they were getting out at their restaurant, I finally remembered a country bar to recommend to them and told them so on the way out of the car. I hope they enjoyed their night at the Round-Up.

Author:  Diello [ Fri Jan 14, 2022 12:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

I keep getting notifications to "choose my quest" for Uber for the upcoming weekend. I haven't driven since before Christmas and I'm not going to until the Omicronic era passes (which hopefully is only a few more weeks). So no new stories, sorry.

While I'm fairly certain I've transported at least one prostitute to a customer, I almost positive I've transported more Tinder/Grinder hookups. A young guy got picked up on Cedar Springs and I took him to the 23, a high rise apartment building in Victory Park. I asked him where the entrance was to drop him off and he didn't know because he'd never been there before. The small parking area was full of Bentleys and Maclarens so I hope he got paid well. The one I'm near certain of being a prostitute was a woman I picked up at the Omni from the sports bar and was going to the Fairmont. The whole drive she was on the phone arguing with a man in New Orleans about Uber credits and that she needed more to get to the next hotel. I didn't know that they traveled.

Author:  Sweet Greggo [ Fri Jan 21, 2022 10:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Might have some regulars that she meets at trade shows/conventions.

Author:  Diello [ Sat Apr 16, 2022 11:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

I picked up four middle-aged gay black guys who, for some reason, started talking about TV shows from their youth. Surprisingly, one of said middle-aged gay black men brought up how much he loved Dukes of Hazard and the other middle-aged gay black men concurred with his love of the Dukes of Hazard and all started talking about their love of (not cock) the theme song. I have a premium Spotify account (cue Vivaldi) so I cranked Waylon for them. Four middle-aged gay black men singing the Dukes of Hazard theme song in your minivan is surreal, to say the least. This turned into all of us talking about 80s TV theme songs.

Cut to 20 minutes later as we pull up to their destination and four middle-aged gay black men and one middle-aged questionably-straight white Uber driver singing at the top of their lungs "BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M WALKING ON AIR. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD FEEL SO FREE-E-E!"

They didn't tip. Not sure if it was because they were gay or black.

Author:  jim jack [ Sat Apr 16, 2022 6:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Awesome. Once again this old forum delivers.

Author:  cap [ Sun Apr 17, 2022 10:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

gays always tip. Just the tip

Author:  cap [ Sun Apr 17, 2022 10:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

There is a show on Showtime called Super pumped battle for Uber. It's pretty good. There was so much 'toxic masculinity' at that place. It seems like a cool place to work.

Author:  Sweet Greggo [ Mon Apr 18, 2022 4:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Diello wrote:
They didn't tip. Not sure if it was because they were gay or black.


Seems like they'd have the extra cash as many times as cap has had to pony up $5 over the years.

Author:  Diello [ Sun May 01, 2022 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

Who knew a Hyundai Elantra kills fascists.

Attachments:
fascist.jpg
fascist.jpg [ 124.06 KiB | Viewed 1142 times ]

Author:  Diello [ Sun May 01, 2022 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Uber Chronicles

I mean, it is a GT, so maybe...

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