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 Post subject: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:57 am 
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Demon Dog is getting old. She's 14 now and starting to lose weight despite eating like a horse. We've accepted the fact that there's probably something wrong and her days are numbered. We're waiting until she gets really bad and uncomfortable before having her put down. And no, I'm not spending $1500 in vet bills to keep an old-ass dog alive, so put that out of your head right now.

This morning, Mrs. Tit was about to leave for work. I was about to jump in the shower when she said goodbye, but she came back a few moments later with sad voice asking if I could check on the dog. From the sound of her, she thought the dog was dead on the floor somewhere. I walked to the living room, turning on a small hallway light so I could see, and there was Demon Dog curled up in my chair with her eyes open and completely black and dead-looking. Shit. I thought she was dead, too. Suddenly, her eyes started moving a little, darting back forth toward each of us like she was wondering why we were staring at her. We breathed a sigh of relief, as we didn't have to deal with a dead dog on a Monday morning.

She got up and acted normal as the house activity picked up a bit. I'm glad she's still alive, but now I kinda hope when she goes, she just lies down to sleep and goes away. I don't wanna drag her panicking ass into the vet with a muzzle around her face.

She's also farting a lot, and her farts smell like rotting meat.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:06 am 
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My dog is just fine. Just very needy since we've brought home our 2nd bundle of joy. We (my wife) are (is) considering adding a 2nd dog to keep the 1st entertained. Fail.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:40 am 
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Poor Daphne. So horny, so alone.

My Parents got a new puppy, I think it's a labradoodle. Hopefully it's not a fucking trainwreck of a dog because I don't know what my aging parents would do with a dog like that.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 1:32 pm 
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Being a band nerd had its perks. One in particular was the out of town football games. Hanging with your pals essentially unsupervised made for a kick ass time. But something was different about this trip. I somehow got separated from my wing man and I found myself sitting beside this not-too-bad looking bassoon player. She was curled up under her blanket and figured I would waste some time chatting her up. She said she was cold and that I needed to snuggle with her to keep her warm. All I knew was that she had boobs and a vagina so I played along. I found myself caressing her bare legs while her heaving bosom was being smashed against my arm. My underwear felt all mushy from the leaking rigid boner I was sporting. I somehow finagled my way into her shorts and the only thing between my hand and her vagina were her silk, supple panties. I started massaging her bassoon vagina through her now damp panties and I wasn't sure who was going to finish first. It was now getting pretty obvious to those around what we were doing so I had to wrap this up pretty quick. I wasn't sure if I should just pull and go high-five by buds or finish her off and then bask in the afterglow. I think I waited until she stopped squirming and I removed my hand from damp pee area. Now I was like what the heck do I do with this secretion on my hand and do I attempt to even get a whiff of it. I think I remember making my way to the bathroom of the chartered bus to wash off the funk and returned promptly to my percussion line. That was my first petting experience.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:03 pm 
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Tit Whistle wrote:
I kinda hope when she goes, she just lies down to sleep and goes away. I don't wanna drag her panicking ass into the vet with a muzzle around her face.


My in-laws had a 17 year old dog that they refused to have put to sleep despite the fact that he was deaf and blind and they had to carry him around because he could barely walk. We went home with them after lunch one Sunday and he was dead and stiff in the hallway of their house. He may have gone peacefully, but it looked like he had puked up half of his innards on the carpet before he cashed it in. It was a disgusting mess. Because it was the weekend and they lived in the country, my father in law decided that we would bury him in their backyard. We spent 2 hours in 40 degree weather digging a hole in black clay the day after it had rained an inch or so. It was not my idea of a lovely weekend day.

Our dog was right at 13 years old when our kid was born. She had arthritis pretty bad and when the bigboyette became mobile, the dog decided she wanted nothing to do with the kid. After the 2nd or 3rd time she snapped at her, we decided to have her put down. It wasn't an easy decision, but it beat the hell out of finding her dead or trying to explain to CPS why she ate the kid's face off. And to be honest, I never realized how filthy the dog was until she was gone. Our house has never been this clean. In conclusion, kids > dogs.

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:27 pm 
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TerdFerguson wrote:
Being a band nerd had its perks. One in particular was the out of town football games. Hanging with your pals essentially unsupervised made for a kick ass time. But something was different about this trip. I somehow got separated from my wing man and I found myself sitting beside this not-too-bad looking bassoon player. She was curled up under her blanket and figured I would waste some time chatting her up. She said she was cold and that I needed to snuggle with her to keep her warm. All I knew was that she had boobs and a vagina so I played along. I found myself caressing her bare legs while her heaving bosom was being smashed against my arm. My underwear felt all mushy from the leaking rigid boner I was sporting. I somehow finagled my way into her shorts and the only thing between my hand and her vagina were her silk, supple panties. I started massaging her bassoon vagina through her now damp panties and I wasn't sure who was going to finish first. It was now getting pretty obvious to those around what we were doing so I had to wrap this up pretty quick. I wasn't sure if I should just pull and go high-five by buds or finish her off and then bask in the afterglow. I think I waited until she stopped squirming and I removed my hand from damp pee area. Now I was like what the heck do I do with this secretion on my hand and do I attempt to even get a whiff of it. I think I remember making my way to the bathroom of the chartered bus to wash off the funk and returned promptly to my percussion line. That was my first petting experience.





I was in a band and I played drums....

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:34 pm 
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VBF wrote:

I was in a band and I played drums....


Cool story Bro.

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:57 pm 
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Cledus wrote:
VBF wrote:

I was in a band and I played drums....


Cool story Bro.



I've got a pic of you from that night...I can post it if you want.

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:13 pm 
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Were havin fun here no? :notsure:

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 7:43 am 
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I have pets too

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 8:07 am 
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cap wrote:
I have pets too


to yer crotch?

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:53 am 
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My dog - who will run up and down the fence barking at people/dogs that walk by - cowered and whimpered like a little bitch at the 12 foot inflatable black cat in a neighbor's yard, when I took her for a walk yesterday


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:14 am 
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That dog is a gooooood puppy dog. You better get a mean mfer for her protection

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:42 pm 
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We had to keep the in-laws' retarded dog this weekend while they went to the TMS for some Nascar Fuck Yeah! All this asshole does is breathe, drool, and have the occasional seizure. They can't have him boarded because they're too cheap to snip his balls. One night he woke me up at 3:30am doing a pee-pee dance and since he won't just go take care of his problem in the back yard like Demon Dog does, I got to experience an angry middle-of-the-night walk thru the neighborhood. I threw on a jacket but was otherwise in my underwear. I clearly didn't give a fuck as I walked this mongoloid up and down the street waiting for him to finally squat and squeeze out one of those disgusting green morays from his dirty dog ass. Demon Dog, despite her advanced age and arthritis, still shits big and solid like a healthy dog should. This waterhead offers up army green diarrhea soft-serve. And my life is a rich fucking oyster for having the honor to stand 3 feet away from him holding his leash while he blows that load all over the neighbor's yard. I was able to avoid a yark by standing upwind and not watching. He was supposed to be here through today but we took him back last night cuz he was pissing all over our shit. Other people's dogs suck.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:01 pm 
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Mallard Toss wrote:
cap wrote:
That dog is a gooooood puppy dog.


:babyarm:


Green stools means he loves you.

Your in-laws sound charming.

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Sat May 25, 2013 10:15 pm 
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Lost my good strong Pup of 16 years last Wed. She was a good'n. Pour out a sip of beer for my fallen Homie.
It was rough being away while it happened. It was especially hard with a 5 year old not understanding that we couldn't take her to the vet and make her better.

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 7:51 am 
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:(


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 8:44 am 
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:sad:


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 11:07 am 
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:sad:


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 5:00 pm 
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:sad:

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2013 11:07 am 
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:sad:


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 1:50 pm 
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We've been considering putting Demon Dog down. She's 15 now and really bony. I tried to pinch some fat from her side over the weekend and couldn't grab any at all. She lost most of her hearing a few years ago and is now going blind. It's related to diabetes, I think, but I'm not taking her to the vet to fix that. She's not only old but psycho when it comes to the vet. And I took care of a diabetic cat long ago, and it was expensive and he died anyway.

For a few years now she's needed to go out to the backyard during the night most nights. We'd alternate nights when one of us would have to get up out of a deep sleep to let her out. But now she doesn't even wake us. She paces around and if we don't hear her nails clacking on the wood laminate floor, she'll just piddle wherever she feels is best. Usually Mrs. Tit discovers it by stepping in it.

So the dog has all that going for it and now we're leaving for vacation soon and we don't like the idea of leaving her with my in-laws when there's the likelihood of her ruining some of their shit. It's just bad form, you know. We've discussed putting her down a few days before we go but we're having second thoughts now. We would never want to do it too soon, and we still see some of her old energetic self when I get home and give her treat or when it's dinner time and she wants some scraps. She doesn't eat as much as she used to but still plants a fresh land mine in the yard every single day. When we see her getting another wind, we think maybe we should keep her around a little longer.

Making things worse is the story I heard from a buddy here at work who worked at an animal shelter as community service during his troubled youth. He got to see plenty of animals get put down, but he said dogs were the worst because they understood exactly what was about to happen to them, and part of his job was to drag them struggling and shitting to the execution chamber. I imagine Demon Dog, with still some of her wits about her, would resist much the same and give me lots of you-son-of-a-bitch looks before the Windex kicked in, and then I'd be sad.

It's a dilemma.

The end.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 2:17 pm 
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Man, our shih tzus didn't know shit about what was happening. But they were pretty stupid.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 2:29 pm 
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My kittycat a couple years ago was ready for it. She laid down on the blanket, tied off her own vein, and said, "Let's do this."


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 2:41 pm 
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or somesuch wrote:
Man, our shih tzus didn't know shit about what was happening. But they were pretty stupid.

those were cute dogs

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 2:55 pm 
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cap wrote:
or somesuch wrote:
Man, our shih tzus didn't know shit about what was happening. But they were pretty stupid.

those were cute dogs


Get one then.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 2:59 pm 
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cap wrote:
or somesuch wrote:
Man, our shih tzus didn't know shit about what was happening. But they were pretty stupid.

those were cute dogs

gross


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:06 am 
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We're about to head out of town on vacation, so last night I took Demon Dog out to the in-laws in Frisco so they can watch her for the week. (She got a call from the Governor on her execution.) Their jaws were dropped more slack than usual when I brought this walking bag of death into their home. Staring in amazement at her skin as it moved rhythmically along her ribs with every breath she took, they silently wondered whether it was wise to sign up for this. I gave them power of attorney in case she depresses them to the point they don't want her there anymore. My father-in-law is the kind of guy who'll take her out himself if he gets a free 5 minutes and feels it's time. Truth is, I was ready to take her to the vet already, but got second thoughts and resistance from everyone (except Tit Jr, who doesn't give a shit.) It'll be interesting to see if she survives the next week. If she does, she probably won't survive the one after that. It's no longer a dilemma. She's in her final days. It may seem sad, but I'm not gonna let it ruin my time off. I'll take care of shit when I get back.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:28 am 
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My wife would have cancelled our vacation.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:32 am 
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Does this mean Gam is in charge?


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:42 am 
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Trained Goucho wrote:
Does this mean Gam is in charge?

:babyarm:


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:43 am 
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Tit Whistle wrote:
Trained Goucho wrote:
Does this mean Gam is in charge?

:babyarm:

put me down with Demon Dog.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:45 am 
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Just kidding, Greg.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:46 am 
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If we had a vacation blog I'd ask "where are y'all going?"


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:01 am 
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The problem with a vacation blog is most people stay away from the forum while on vacation.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:15 am 
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I feel like Demon Dog is a part of this forum. I will miss her.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:19 am 
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Demon Dog will watch over the forum while I'm gone.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:18 pm 
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errbody chill the fuck out, I gots this : fist : : fart :

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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:49 pm 
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Tit Whistle wrote:
Demon Dog will watch over the forum while I'm gone.

your avatar just got even awesomer


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:02 pm 
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one of the best avatars ever.


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 11:12 pm 
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rowdyhatinwalt wrote:
one of the best avatars ever.


:babyarm:


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 Post subject: Re: Pet Talk
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:17 am 
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We have a ton of rabbits running around the neighborhood and it's all fun and games most of the time. But one of these motherfuckers dug a hole in my back yard to give birth I guess, because there were like 5 of them in this hole. My dog was just sniffing them and my dog is pretty fucking friendly and backed off when I told her to back off, so I figured she may be interested in them, but wouldn't hurt them. A few hours passed and I guess some went out the small opening between our fence and the grass, but I heard some weird noises in the backyard, so I went to investigate. She had one by the neck in her mouth. It wasn't dead. I told her to drop it and she did and was pawing at it playfully. She didn't mean to hurt the bunny, she just wanted a friend. But the bunny wasn't hopping around. It was definitely breathing. I thought maybe my dog broke the bunny's neck or legs, so I went to get the shovel and "play god". What if it was just terrified and didn't want to move? I couldn't pull the trigger. I wrapped it in a towel and took it to the side of the house to let nature take its course. It wasn't there the next day. I went and bought some rabbit spray at Home Depot, because they've been nipping at my shrubs also.


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