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| Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. http://removerowdy.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=1627 |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Thu Jun 14, 2012 7:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
There is no chance that my stuff would be discovered by the wrong person, but I'm not taking the chance with details. I know it would make great reading and I'm really sorry. Trust me, this is dynamite pussy. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:59 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Seriously, can I wake up and political season be over? The amount of derp out there is knee deep already, and there are nearly 5 months left of it. It was in the low nineties today. I sweated a little while mowing my own yard. BF deal. My neighbors acted like I was near death when they saw me. I'm Hoob. I get hotter than this while leering at their daughters. Speaking of BF Deal, a kid in my dorm once had a shirt that said that. In the cafeteria, a kid asked him what it meant. I was a naive dumbass, but even I knew without asking. Just saw a commercial for one of those stupid chat phone lines. Are there desperate people who really fall for this, still? Of course there are. Of course. I don't know what to say. My body is broken. It was turned in a pretzel tonight by the nookie pretzel hold. I'll be shocked if I wake up tomorrow. If I do, I'll be smiling. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
jim jack wrote: Just take my word for it. Things have been ratcheted up to about 11 in my life. I can't go into details.
I wonder how long I'll live. |
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| Author: | cap [ Tue Jun 19, 2012 7:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
details dammit |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 12:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Here we go with hot weather and the endless complaining about it. Hot weather can't touch me. The Hoob adultery experiment ended last week. But that's ok. I still have three half-breed dogs that love me conditionally and that won't change. And I'll always have porn. |
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| Author: | or somesuch [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 8:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Under what conditions do they love you? Summer of Hoob = not that great |
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 8:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Well that deflated quickly. |
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| Author: | TerdFerguson [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 9:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
jim jack wrote: Here we go with hot weather and the endless complaining about it. Hot weather can't touch me. The Hoob adultery experiment ended last week. But that's ok. I still have three half-breed dogs that love me conditionally and that won't change. And I'll always have porn. She said it was out of guilt but we all know she couldn't take the gigantic Hoob penis any longer. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 3:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Mallard Toss wrote: jim jack wrote: The Hoob adultery experiment ended last week. But that's ok. I still have three half-breed dogs that love me conditionally and that won't change. And I'll always have porn.  What are you doing? Get back out there and fuck somebody. Thanks, Coach. 
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| Author: | jim jack [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 3:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
or somesuch wrote: Under what conditions do they love you? Summer of Hoob = not that great Oh yes it was. Besides, this was just plan C. I still have plans D, E, and F out there. |
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| Author: | cap [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 3:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
do more plan F |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
I ran into plan B today. She purty. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Nookie, nookie, nookie. A kickass time was had. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Wed Aug 22, 2012 10:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Is there a way to take away the hurt and damage that is caused by the female of the species? I have thought about Stu a lot in the past month. No, I'm not going to do what he did, but I sure as shit understand. |
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| Author: | Diello [ Wed Aug 22, 2012 11:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Don't even fucking kid about that. |
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| Author: | Tit Whistle [ Thu Aug 23, 2012 8:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
 We would be just as sad to lose Hoob.Of course, we could also use another reason to go drink. |
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| Author: | TerdFerguson [ Thu Aug 23, 2012 11:17 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
jim jack wrote: Is there a way to take away the hurt and damage that is caused by the female of the species? I have thought about Stu a lot in the past month. No, I'm not going to do what he did, but I sure as shit understand. you mean to tell us you have been dating a stripper the entire this entire time? Let's meet in McKinney for a drink so you can let off some steam. |
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Not funny, Hoob. No woman (or anything else for that matter) is worth doing that over. |
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| Author: | or somesuch [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
He didn't say it to be funny. All he said was he understood. I understand too. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Glad somebody got it. |
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| Author: | Tit Whistle [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
You guys ever think about killing your wives instead of yourselves? |
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| Author: | or somesuch [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Understanding =/= thinking about killing yourself. |
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| Author: | Tit Whistle [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
You guys ever think about understanding your wives instead of yourselves? |
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| Author: | cap [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 3:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Only when I go down |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Fri Aug 24, 2012 4:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Tit Whistle wrote: You guys ever think about understanding your wives instead of yourselves? That was my first mistake. |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Tit Whistle wrote: You guys ever think about understanding your wives instead of yourselves? Tit Whistle wrote: You guys ever think about killing your wives instead of yourselves? There's a plastic Jersey Mike's cup I keep stashed in that storage bin on the driver's side door of my car. It's a promo cup with some Olympic soccer chick on it and I use it for relieving my bladder when the pee tingles are too great to bear but stopping is too much of a time consuming hassle. Anyway, last week the wife and I ran an errand together and took my car. She spotted the cup which got her little inner Nancy Drew gears a grinding. I knew she'd think it was a spittoon. Sure as shit, with that bitch inflection in her voice, she's all like "let me see that cup" and reached across my lap before I could react. To be fair, there was a period during my nicotine addiction when she wasn't sympathetic to my disease and would look for contraband from time to time. I would look her in the eyes and lie and tell her "no, I'm not dipping," full of righteous indignation, all the while the black snuff speckles peppering my teeth betraying me. It was a dark time. So she snatches the cup and gives it the once-over and I know she's checking its insides to see if there were any dried up blackened saliva trails dotted in granules of ground tobacco. She found none. Next, she sticks her nose down in it. I would've stopped her but "no, no don't do that! I'm not dipping I swear, it's just a pee cup" didn't seem like a viable alternative. Huffing deeply, as if it were a fine wine, her nose went to work, straining, though not for hints of oak or raspberry, but rather wintergreen and breathy spittle. At that moment I hated her. Hated her for acting like some kind of school principal, killing her in my head. At the same time, I understood her behavior and knew she had my best interests at heart. Lastly, I didn't understand myself, not really wanting to kill myself, but kinda wishing to be dead in that moment. Her head recoiled quickly and turned to the side. The smell is faint, I mean, after I pour out any urine I'll slosh some bottled water around in it for hygenic reasons, but there is still a distant yet distinct aroma of soggy french fries and amonia that lingers inside the cup. Her face was one of perplexed repulsion. All she said was "Jersey Mike's, Christie Rampone huh" before placing it in the storage bin on the passenger side. And so the story ends. I lost my point somewhere in all that but the gist was something like I can understand her and still want to kill her or something. |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Also, I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but I love you Hoob. I'm sorry Greg attacked you. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:44 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Wow, life sucks. |
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Mon Aug 27, 2012 8:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Trained Goucho wrote: Also, I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but I love you Hoob. I'm sorry Greg attacked you. wtf? Diello started it!
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Mon Aug 27, 2012 8:41 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Trained Goucho wrote: At the same time, I understood her behavior and knew she had my best interests at heart. I think you are misinterpreting "chance to mount her high horse and lecture you the entire goddam afternoon" for "best interest". |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
While listening to a John Sterling home run call yesterday, I thought about how bad this guy is as an announcer. How can a storied organization like the Yankees have one of the worst announcers in baseball? Then I wondered. How would I view him if he was here? Would we all become used to him and learn to love him? Then I thought of Mister Sheer Radio Anthrax, Hawk Harrelson. Could I learn to love hearing him say, "You can put it on the board, yeah!" after a Nellie Cruz homer? Fuck, no. Nothing could make me like that sonofabitch. I would get under his window at home games, blowing a vuvuzela just to fuck with him, I hate him so much. And what if our beloved Eric Nadel was saying "that ball is history!" after a Derek Jeter homer? Would I hate him like I hate Sterling? No. I would wish we had someone as cool as that guy. I am amused that people complain about how Steve Busby over-describes TV telecasts. He calls it like he is on the radio and that bugs people. I remember hearing this complaint back in the eighties when he used to do TV with Jim Slumpberg. It doesn't bother me a bit. I like Buzz even if he did kill the Rangers back in the seventies as a stinking Royal. I haven't forgotten. Speaking of TV and radio, the Stars use of the same telecast of TV and radio may save them money, but it sucks green donkey dicks. Ralphie makes no attempt to describe the action for radio. None. Last winter I was driving home one night and hockey was on. I ended up saying out loud, "which end of the rink is the fucking puck on, Ralphie?" I might get dogpiled for saying this, but to me, he is the worst announcer of the four sports and it's not close. I bet when Eric Nadel used to do hockey, he never did stupid shit like that. I met Eric back in 1994 and I asked him if he had a standard call for hockey goals like he did for Rangers home runs. He said he did not. I know a Stars Ice Girl. She said they were under orders to not talk about strike stuff. Amazing. I substituted for a band tonight at a pretty nice bar. However, a really fat girl tried to pick me up. Damn, people. Damnnnnnnnn. The image of skinny Hoob on top of that slab of meat is not a pretty one. |
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| Author: | Tit Whistle [ Sun Sep 23, 2012 9:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Sterling is awful. I don't know any Yankees fans who like him. But I have no problem with his home run call. Even better is that he delivers it with the same emphasis and enthusiasm when the opposing team hits one. He's at least fair. |
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| Author: | bigboy [ Sun Sep 23, 2012 3:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
I don't know that I hate Ralph Strangis as much as I hate listening to or watching a hockey game over the air. It's a sport that is only tolerable in person. And with the number of fake expert hockey fans in Dallas, it's barely tolerable in person. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Do I live out in the country? Tonight I took a piss off of the front porch. With the porch light on. I am so far off the beaten path that my landlord was shocked that I wanted a key to lock the front door. Speaking of that, I locked myself out this morning. What a dumbfuck. I have seen so much bad football this fall. One team that I write about couldn't cover a fucking post pattern if their lives depended on it. I've seen numerous DBs back there, and the end result is the same. Post pattern. Nobody around the receiver, who catches the ball and runs it in. TD. PAT. Fuck. I watched a Junior High game this week and the DB did what he was supposed to do in that situation: he covered the receiver properly and knocked the shit out of the receiver, separating him from the ball. What a concept. I thought romance amongst teens was stupid. That ain't nothing compared to senior citizens. Just think. There were people who wanted to trade Profar for Dempster. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sun Sep 30, 2012 10:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Life is sorta coming back to normal for old Hoob. Sorta. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sat Oct 06, 2012 12:27 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
At my age, it's all old pussy. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Sat Oct 06, 2012 9:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Mallard Toss wrote: :D True. I guess all one can hope for now is "gently used". LOL. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 10:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Believe it or not, I'm getting close again. Maybe this weekend. Maybe I'll have more stories that I won't tell you. |
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| Author: | cap [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 8:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Rainbow party? |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 10:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Here's something I never thought about before now. How would I react if someone tried to "set me up" with a woman? That happened Sunday afternoon and it shocked the shit out of me: Hoob, I want you to meet Belinda. Belinda, this is Hoob. (This is not her real name, of course.) This lady was about my age and she pretty. She was around for a couple of days and we both showed some interest and exchanged small talk. She brought some snacks over to the Hoob shack before she left for home. I really was caught off guard by the whole thing. In other news, I have this friend. She lives in McKinney. She nearly kilt my ass a couple of months ago. She is having second thoughts of tossing old Hoob in the ditch. Maybe buying that Viagra prescription wasn't a waste of money after all. I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this. |
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 11:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Pop a Viagra before you ride so the next time you go flying your hoobstick(tm) will catch on the handlebars and keep your ass in the saddle. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 11:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Hoob's drunken ramblings. By Hoob. |
Sweet Greggo wrote: Pop a Viagra before you ride so the next time you go flying your hoobstick(tm) will catch on the handlebars and keep your ass in the saddle. I am picturing all sorts of disturbing images now. All of them involve me having grex while wearing my trusty bicycle helmet. |
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