It’s good to read you again, Walt.

Good thing the kiddo is getting married tomorrow the.

Today is day nine of the illness that's gonna kill me. Missed half of Wednesday and all of Thursday, then worked like a mofo Friday, then was miserable all weekend. At the end of the workday today I decided to go to the doctor.

Nothing remarkable happened except the nurse that took care of me was quite cute. An added bonus was, she gave me two shots, one in each cheek. Thank goodness I was wearing some cool underwear.

A kickass time was had.

We passed around a stomach virus over the weekend and it was pure hell. The kid had it early Thursday morning and was bouncing off the walls by dinner time. I came down with it around lunch time on Friday and it cleared up around 3 in the morning on Saturday, just in time for Mrs. bigboy to get it.

Some guy that I follow on Facebook posted this today, which was obviously an old April Fool's gag:

This "person" on my friends list, that is known to many of us, keeps sending me naked pics of themselves. I have asked them nicely to stop it, but they won't. So since they will not stop I am calling them out here publicly..... You know who you are and if you keep sending me pictures I will be posting them here for everyone to see!! Since many of you know them, maybe you can also ask them to stop it for me. Here is their page: (the link goes to the viewer's own page. In other words, it went to my own page).

Several hours later, the game guy posted this:

The post about sending naked pictures is an April Fool's joke. Please stop sending PM's saying you didn't send any pics and that you have been hacked. Seriously, we have got about 50 PM's like this. Those of you that are angry at the post, LIGHTEN UP! It is ok to have a laugh. Again, it is a joke and you have not been hacked.

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The world is full of dumbasses.

Today I got to thinking about drops that we used to hear on the Ticket in the early days. My friends and I were amused by the drop of amateur golfer Jenny Chuasiriporn saying, "I wasn't expecting it to go in" and we used to say it all the time. For what it's worth, Jenny is married now and is a nurse practitioner, and goes by the name Wanalee Betts. Looking back on it, that drop isn't funny at all.

Getting an Instant Pot has been a life-changing experience. I can throw a frozen piece of meat in it, set it for 14 minutes. Twenty minutes later, I open the top and I've got food. Throw in a small salad and I've got the next day's lunch. I hope whoever invented this thing got rich. They deserve it.

Teachers come back to school this week. I seriously thought about retirement if I couldn't find a good school. Fortunately I found a great school, gave my superintendent the double-bird, and off I went. Those poor guys that took my place are just miserable but I don't feel sorry for them. Meanwhile, I nearly fell asleep at my desk Thursday afternoon.

I dropped satellite a couple of weeks ago and haven't missed it one bit. I haven't missed paying $101 a month, either. I was watching an hour or two a week of TV and it was only the Rangers. The Dish vs. Fox Sports squabble helped me make my decision. Sounds like I missed a barn burner of a NASCAR race today, but I watched the highlights and read the funny stuff and that was plenty.

You damn kids get off my lawn.

There are several streaming options to choose from now that will save you a good $50+/mo over cable or satellite. I had SlingTV early on and liked it, but switched to PS Vue because they actually carried FSSW, NBC Sports, FOX 1, etc. About 25-30 sports stations overall. The tier that I have is $55-60/mo, plus of course the cost of the high-speed internet which I would be paying anyway.

I went with Directv Now. I got in pretty early. They were offering a promo where I got a free 4k apple tv if I signed up for 3 months at the lowest package. Did that 3 times.

Saved about 75 monthly originally, but they raised me another 10 recently. They also sent out an email saying they were discontinuing the package I had, but I was grandfathered in (thanks?). I guess they didn't have to since there are no contracts. I'm still mostly happy, but the prices/packages for new customers don't look great. They also still have a long way to go on their DVR functionality. Also, they fell into the ATT/CBS mess.

I love the Instant Pot too, and it regularly wins my kitchen appliance of the week award. Do you know what 2 of my favorite go to staples are? Why, it's the simple peasant food of rice and beans. I eat a ton of rice and also beans. It does a fantastic job with rice. I like a 2 cups of rice to 3 cups water ratio at 15 minutes and it's perfect. I used to use a Cuisinart rice cooker but the goush darn thing would make a terrible mess all over my granite countertops. Especially white rice. It really makes a slimy foam. I rarely eat white rice anymore though as I've grown more fond of the nutty texture of brown rice. What is your preferred rice? Dry bean cook times vary depending on the variety, but the Instant Pot does a great job with them as well with no 12 hour pre-soak necessary. Speaking of bean varieties, I found a great bean club, the Rancho Gordo bean club, and joined it recently and get great and interesting beans shipped all the way from California. I've eaten all kinds of exotic beans this summer and still have gobs more to try in the pantry. They also sent a cook book.

I've never cooked meat in the Instant Pot except for shrimp. I found a shrimp boil recipe for the IP and it did a great job with that as well to include potatoes and corn on the cob. What kind of meat did you cook?

So brown rice is supposed to chew like it's undercooked? We've tried the brown rice a few times and it's always crunchy and that ain't the rice I'm used to, Chester. I'll stick with white rice for the time being.

We have an Instant Pot, too. I don't recall how we got it but we sure as shit didn't buy it. Mrs. Tit makes all sorts of stuff in it and sometimes yells at me for cooking things the old-fashioned way on the stove instead of the Instant Pot. It's kinda like when my parents got their first microwave and were amazed at all the stuff you could cook in it, like bacon. I never cared for the microwaved bacon. It was too flimsy and fatty and greasier than a mug. Give me pan- or griddle-fried bacon, please. My parents also tried to make peanut brittle and these mint candy things in the microwave. The ideas came from a book included with the microwave, and it should've been discarded immediately upon unpacking.

How do you like your bacon?

Soggy bacon ftw

I'll ask my wife what cooking appliances we have.

I apologize to my e-friends. I am not manly enough to take shots at y'all like that.

My go-to meats in the Instant Pot are chicken breasts or pork chops. I have them cut up and in freezer bags. I pick out one, throw it in there with barbecue sauce, seasonings, and a half cup of water.

Thanks for the suggestion about the rice. I always eat brown.

Bacon gets cooked in a skillet here.

I barbecued a brisket in it over the weekend, my third attempt at it. I haven't perfected that yet. It makes a shitload of meals, though. One of my problems is finding a brisket small enough to fit in the thing.

you did not barbecue a brisket in your Instant Pot.

your welcome, matalo.

We jumped on the instant pot/air fryer bandwagon at Christmas this year. I'm sold on the air fryer, especially as I've gotten better at turning whatever is in it more frequently while I'm cooking. My favorite thing to do is unbreaded chicken wings/drums tossed in hot sauce. I also like roasted okra. My wife is a big believer in the instant pot, but I've had a couple of fails. Chicken breasts, hard boiled eggs, some soups, and corn on the cob have worked out well. I've done a chicken parmesan with pasta that was great a few times, but had epic fail with spaghetti and meat balls and Swedish meat balls with noodles. It was tricky getting the timing right on spaghetti and I went way overboard on the amount of noodles with the Swedish meatballs and it never did cook the pasta thoroughly. It's nice to throw all of the spaghetti ingredients in one pot to do its thing, but it wasn't really any faster than throwing it together on the stove.

On your air fried okra are you talking about using fresh okra or the breaded okra in the frozen foods?

Fresh okra. Cut off the ends and then I cut the stalks in half. Toss it with olive oil, salt, pepper, seasoning salt, garlic salt. Takes about 10-15 minutes, stop it a couple of times and shake it around so it doesn't burn. I do the same in the oven without cutting off the ends or cutting them in half.

Bacon is damn good in the air fryer too, but it makes a huge damn, greasy mess.

That sounds great. I haven’t done okra in the air fryer yet. I usually just cut it up, boil, and mix with tomatoes and rice. I love okra tho. Do you know who else loves okra? El Capitan that’s who.

Another air fryer trick I’ve learned is with potatoes—chop them however you like and then boil them for 5 minutes before air frying. The seasonings stick to them and the potatoes turn out a lot fluffier and moist. I said moist.

2 other good air fryer items that I've tried. Frozen egg rolls. I know that doesn't sound great, but they go good with some of the stir fry Asian dishes from Trader Joe's. Way better in the air fryer than the oven. The other is the Southern fried chicken bites from Sam's. They're taste just like the chicken from Chick Fil A. And they beat that into your head by putting photos of waffle fries and pickle slices on the package.

Thanks!

For those who live in select cities, if you are like me and too far to pick up local channels (I do not own an antenna) you can try locast.org. It broadcasts all OTA channels in your area.

I didn't post my New Year's resolutions last year because I only had one:

Get a new job. I was successful on that one.

This year I have five:

1. Be more organized than I am now, especially on off days. (I am already organized to the point of being annoying.)
2. Ditch all of the unhealthy foods forever.
3. Lose 20 pounds and stay there.
4. Don't waste time on off days. I guess this is the same as resolution 1.
5. Play a lot of musical instruments.

New Year's resolutions are dumb.

I learned the B7 chord (sort of) and I play a mean skin flute. Let's jam!

I would be open to a new job in 2020 but I've got too many 1.5-2 year stints in the past few years. My current stint is 2 years 1 month according to the generous counter at LinkedIn. Flaky? Perhaps.

1. I am the opposite of you on this one and probably annoyingly unorganized. I used to vow to change and would buy day calendars every new year and draw from my Franklin Covey seminar training I once received, but I can never stick to it. My wife is super organized tho.

2. I'm all good here. In fact, I can get pretty worked up thinking about all the dietary things I've given up in the quest to combat inflammation and right the health ship. I'm better off for it, but it can be a polarizing and lonely way to be, especially in the dirty south where all vittles outside of your control are Paula Deen'd up like a mug.

3. I've always had a fuzzy image of you as being a 160 lbs or so, a skinny fat paunch jiggling above tight spandex as you bound down the dusty NORBA trails shirtless, pale skin shiny in a sheen of sweat, motored by the straight contours of flattened buttocks.

4. This one gnaws at me too. Especially when I used to get those screen time updates from Apple.

5. Playing musical instruments is tops of the list of hobbies I fantasize about. Others to make the list would be being the kind of dude with a shop that could weld stuff and maybe a little woodworking. It would also be cool to learn a couple more languages. There's little to no danger of any of these things coming to fruition for the gauch in 2020.

I just now heard it happen outside.

Drinking is odd for me these days. But here I am, bummed out about a silly event: today I donated my favorite SUV of all time to Interfaith Ministries, which helps battered women and families in need.

This vehicle will be my favorite of all time because of all of the adventures that I associate with it, and there were plenty. And it never once broke down on me.

Last night before i drifted away to sleep, I read your original eulogy for your SUV. It was a poignant piece. I enjoyed the details and the personal stories of the bond between a man and his automobile. After I finished it, I thought "Love-- it's what makes a hoobaru a hoobaru" and then I konked out, wondering what kind of SUV it was. It made me recall a similar SUV from my past that i was quite fond of and felt melancholy when I parted with it. Mine was an early nineties Jeep Cherokee. It looked cooler the older and more ragged out it became. It was a 5 speed with the 4.0 high output. It would get after it. When I was young I used to accessorize things more and I added a grill guard, nerf bars, a Yakima rack that could hold bikes and also my canoe, some all terrain type tires, and a replaced radio and speakers. Remember when that shit was a thing about changing out stock radios? Anyhoo, It only broke down once. It was the water pump, not too big of a deal. You couldn't pay me to own a Jeep now though unless it was an 80's Wagoneer.

The SUV that is my favorite but I have never owned is the Toyota 4Runner. They age well too.

We've looked at 4Runners more than once and just can't pull the trigger. Something about them just doesn't seem worth the price. Toyotas have crazy good re-sale value. We sold one that was 7 years old and had just over 100k miles for $10,000. Might have gotten more if it hadn't been in a wreck and the body shop hadn't covered up a key component that was damaged.

Sorry I did that. I decided it was TMI. My beloved vehicle was a Honda CR-V Sex Machine.

I've owned a couple of SUVs. The first was a 2002 Blazer. The radiator rusted from the inside and caused all sorts of problems for years. I was so glad to get rid of that POS. Now we have 2016 Sorento. I like it well enough except for that whole engine needing to be replaced thing.

It's a lot harder to win at online Solitaire when drunk.

Looking at the meat counter today, it occurred to me that the damn hoarders might have been right.

When taking a leak off of the front porch tonight, I was amazed at the amount of creatures I could hear and I loved it. Frogs are a big contributor to the Hoob country scene, but these sounds are punctuated by a nightjar called the Chuck Will's Widow. For some odd reason, the sound of this bird makes me happy when it first appears in April. It usually disappears in the heat of July. Looking at pictures of this thing, it's one of the ugliest birds I've ever laid eyes on.

After living in the city for 30 years, I was reintroduced to country living eight years ago. I really like it and I don't think I can go back.

I have really enjoyed looking into recordings of Dallas bands that were prominent during my teenage years. A kickass time was had.

I miss sports.

Vaginal slice born born.

That was my post from five years ago. My knee actually got better and I've done ok until about a month ago. My original doctor has passed away, so I had to find someone else.

Picked a different doc and brought my five year old MRI along. They did an x-ray and wondered how I was even walking.

So I'm getting knee replacement in a couple of months.

I wonder what ever happened to the guy that recommended joint lube. He got fired from my last school for being too friendly to girls. I really hated that sonofabitch.

Good luck with the knee replacement, Hoob. The father in law got both of his done a few years and I don't think he thought it was much fun. I've heard hip replacements are worse.

Did they give the option of a robot knee or a gorilla knee? Cuz a gorilla knee would be kinda cool.

After years of living out in the boonies and commuting an hour to work for the past three, I've decided to move closer to the place. My new house is a half block from my office and I can walk to work. I've got possession of it now but probably won't be sleeping there until next weekend.

Carried a load of stuff to the house today, which is in a little town of about 700 people. Looked out the kitchen window and a neighbor had a damn dead deer strung up on a tree, letting the blood drain, I guess. I immediately thought of this line:

"And we can skin a buck, we can run a trot line And a country boy can survive."

While driving up there today, I was thinking about how I can walk home for lunch and how wonderful it will be. Maybe I can have nooners with teachers. And then this wonderful thought hit me:

At long last, I can take a dump whenever I want. I'm going to do it tomorrow morning just because I can.

In other news, I finally got rid of my nutty girlfriend that I've had for 9 years. That will be a post for another day. It was my only New Year's resolution and it finally happened in November.

Drunken ramblings. By Hoob.

Today my surgically repaired knee has felt really good. I sure hope I didn't mess things up by drinking.

A friend of mine asked me to check out Yellowstone and report back to her. Meh.

Last year I only had one New Year's resolution and it got done.

My new year's resolutions for next year:

1. Leave nothing setting out on counters or whatnot. I'm fairly good at this but can be better.
2. Get down to my target weight and stay there. I'm 5 pounds over it now, so this is doable.
3. Keep the cars spotless.
4. Go somewhere on vacation that I've never been before.

Lame, but doable. There is nothing about women or relationships on there.

I bought a truck a couple of years ago and jumped on the clean car bandwagon. I've actually enjoyed it after years of letting my vehicles look like utter hell. Living down the street from a $5 drive through car wash with free vacuums helps.

I've avoided Yellowstone because it looks like a damn soap opera. I'm constantly surrounded by people who think I'm nuts for not watching it.

My wife's car is extension of a trash can. Drive's me crazy whenever I'm in it. Every once in a while she'll need to drive mine and she'll have it looking just like hers within a day or so. I don't understand why everything has to be everywhere.