Battleship - I watch these movies to piss myself off. It worked. This movie fucking sucks. It was so bad that it was almost good in a spoof way. Spoilers to follow. So this ne'er do well is at a bar trying to pick up a chick and he gets arrested for breaking into a convenience store to get her a chicken burrito and his brother starts going off on him about what a failure he is and somehow forces him to join the Navy. Flash forward a year or so and the ne'er do well is still fucking things up real good in the Navy to the point where he's about to be kicked out. They're playing a friendly soccer game against Japan and he really butts heads with one of the Japanese players. Lots of trash talking. These two hate each other. He's late for some kind of commencement where they're honoring these old dudes who fought in WWII on a "battleship" that's been retired. Oh yeah, and the Admiral of the Navy is the dad of the chicken burrito girl. So the aliens attack and all the non major characters get wiped out and somehow the fuck up who was about to get kicked out of the Navy is the highest ranking officer and I'm wondering what the hell he did to get promoted when all he did was fuck up all the time? So they have no more boats after the aliens destroy their fleet and the main dude (I don't even know his name) looks over and says they still have one more. It's the "battleship". So they get on it and then they decide it runs on steam and they don't know how to do it. So they've given up. They're going to die. Aliens win. When all of the sudden, some inspiring music comes on and the old dudes from before, who were being honored start walking up to the ship from all different directions. They can run the ship. Humans start dominating. The world is saved. He becomes best friends with the Japanese dude from the soccer game. And he gets the girl. The end. Sorry about the spoilers, but you don't need to see this movie anyway.
(out of 5)
you are generous with one 
The Mila Kunis version is less scary than the Margaret Hamilton version. I thought this was going to be a straight prequel to the Wizard of Oz, but apparently Disney doesn't have access to a lot of the items featured in the Wizard of Oz. They have access to anything that was in the books (whether it was in the 1939 movie or not), so there was some prequelish stuff in there that you had to pay attention to catch. But the ending for Oz didn't make sense to me and overall, it was a bit of a disappointment, but I'm in for the sequels. I thought James Franco was really good for the part, which everyone else seems to disagree with. I like his laid back, don't give a shit attitude. 
(out of 5)
