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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:37 pm 
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bigboy wrote:
That old fart doesn't know what he's talking about.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 2:43 pm 
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bigboy wrote:
bigboy wrote:
That old fart doesn't know what he's talking about.


Here you go, buddy.
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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 3:00 pm 
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If a blood clot forms inside an external hemorrhoid, the pain can be sudden and severe. You might feel or see a lump around the anus. The clot usually dissolves, leaving excess skin (a skin tag), which may itch or become irritated. Internal hemorrhoids are typically painless, even when they produce bleeding


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 3:41 pm 
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Anyone ever use one of those hemorrhoid donuts? I haven't, but I find the concept fascinating.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 3:47 pm 
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Tit Whistle wrote:
Anyone ever use one of those hemorrhoid donuts? I haven't, but I find the concept fascinating.


My dad drives a truck and uses one. Sometimes he complains about his hemorrhoids. I don't really want to hear about it but it's my dad, so...

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2016 12:59 pm 
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Hemorrhoid talk is much better than Saturday's race at Texas. After the Ranger game ended, I attempted to watch and it was a snooze fest. I fell asleep in five short minutes.

I like the Nationwide commercials featuring "Water Color Dale." The one where an unseen guy named Steve is Facebook friends with everybody but Dale is really funny.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 12:01 pm 
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A common occurrence at little dirt tracks is heat races. They are little 10 lap shootouts and they usually have several of these per class of car. The higher you finish in your heat, the better your starting spot in the feature race at the end. I think the feature was something like 20 laps at the track I used to attend. I often liked the heats better than the feature.

Well, the geniuses at NASCAR decided to try that at the minor league race at Bristol on Saturday, having two 50 lap heats. No lead changes in either heat. Everybody hated it. Tee-total failure. Dumbasses.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:13 pm 
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Bristol was today, and Carl Edwards won his first race of the year, did his usual back flip off of his car. Hoob likey. June was second but really wasn't a factor.

An event that used to be the greatest of them all isn't nearly as good because of changes to the track that ruined things. For that, I blame Bruton Smith, who is also the owner of Tejas Motor Speedway. Some people just look for things to fuck up.

Mr. Smith's reward for this was grandstands that were not close to being half full. This place used to be nut to butt and was awesome. Not any more, and maybe not ever again.

An interesting tidbit was the story of 24 year-old Matt DiBenedetto, a total spare who would do well to crack 35th in races. Today he finished in sixth place and it was a big deal. He teared up when being interviewed after the race. Hoob likey this, too. Actually I loved it.

I root for this guy because he once made Toni Stewart mad and called Toni "an arrogant prick."

Hoob.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 10:57 pm 
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Richmond was today. Carl Edwards punted his teammate, Kyle Douche on the last corner of the last lap and won. I don't have a problem with this.

Carl has done this before, but they weren't on the same team the last time. Kyle was polite when interviewed afterwards. What is he going to do, kick his ass? I don't think so.

The biggest story here was Kyle's very hot wife Samantha's reaction to this event. I didn't hear it happen, but it is said she said "shit!" live on the air. She Tweeted about it later, explaining that it was a heat of the moment thing and she didn't know she was on tv. June Bug and Toni Stewart shot off Tweets in support of her. I agree with them all.

June Tweeted the following. Remember, he got fined for saying "shit" on the air a few years ago:

Saying shit isn't as big a deal as it used to be. You'll be ok. It don't mean shit. Shit happens.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2016 5:56 pm 
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Talladega was today. I think Krashalotski won. There were several wrecks including June, who wiped out early on, then got taken out in another wreck later. There were two different crashes that involved cars flipping.

The hardest hit was to Danica Patrick, who got drilled from behind by someone else. As a result, she shot into Matt Kenseth, flipping him, and then she went hard into the inside wall. This caused bruises to her little body and knocked the breath out of her. There was fire inside her car as well. She had a funny quote about that:

“I haven’t had fire on the inside before,” she said. “It got to the glove a little bit. Honestly, I was thinking about my hair. I have a lot of hair, and I don’t want to lose it."

A kickass time was had. For the first time in several races, the stands were full.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 8:02 pm 
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It appears that two men were found dead in a camper at Talladega. The guys were 19 and 48 years old. They had different surnames and it is not known how they knew each other or how they died.

I can make a guess.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 12:09 pm 
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I bet they did something stupid with a generator or something like that and it was carbon monoxide poisoning


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 1:15 pm 
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Either that or they choked to death on each other's dicks.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 3:21 pm 
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I saw Richard petty today


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2016 7:15 pm 
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Dale Earnhardt fathered three children by his first two wives. When he died, he was on his third wife, Teresa ( :rimshot: ). She has turned out to be quite the scamp.

Since his death, she caused June to leave his dad's organization and go to rival Hendrick Motorsports, and more importantly, caused the demise of that company, Dale Earnhardt Incorporated (DEI). She wouldn't even let June have the number 8, which everyone knew him by. June used that number because his grandfather did. Nobody uses it now.

And now, she is suing her stepson Kerry (June's half-brother) for selling homes called the "Earnhardt Collection." Her contention is that somebody might think these homes were endorsed by Dale Sr. or June, who is referred to as Dale's "successor-in-interest."

Dale's sister Kelley tweeted this: "Hate that my brother & family have to deal w/ this nonsense for over 4 yrs. It's our name too! We were born w/ it!"

Not a big lover of this family at all, but I am on their side on this one.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 7:21 pm 
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Dover was today. Traditionally, this is one of the worst races of the year. The stands were half full at best. I don't blame those who stayed away.

Problem is, it was the best race of the year, bar none. There was one unfortunate incident that wrecked half the field, but the actual racing was still really good. Even the haters were pretty happy with it, except for the Junior Loving Morons. He got wrecked, making me happy.

I think maybe the so-called All-Star race is next. Stay away from this race. I am.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 9:06 pm 
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Toni Stewart announced a few months ago that he is changing his cars to Fords next year. Toni has been a dedicated Chevy person. His star driver, dumbass Kevin Harvick is a Chevy lifer. This has shocked a lot of people including me.

As a result of these moves, speculation has been rampant that Harvick is moving to the Hendrick stable (they are Chevrolets) and replace Kasey Kahne, who hasn't done anything with his ride. Over and over again, Harvick has denied anything of the sort.

It got to the point that some jackwagon reporter called it nearly a done deal, pissing off several in the racing community and other reporters who actually do things the right way when reporting.

And then today Harvick signed a new deal to stay with the team and drive Fords for several years into the future. I hate Harvick, but he has handled all of this well. Ford rarely wins championships, so this should be interesting since Harvick and his team are always really good.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2016 10:09 am 
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Can we get a breakdown of that crazy ass fucked up all star race?


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2016 10:28 pm 
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Sorry Fruit, I never watch the CAFUAS Race. But I heard it was exactly that.

But I did watch the World 600 today. I always look forward to this thing and I don't really know why. Somebody I don't like usually wins. Today somebody I like won, but it was boring as fuck.

This race was perfect for NASCAR haters because of it not being interesting. One driver opened a can of whoop-ass on everyone else and did it in a Toyota.

When that brand first entered the scene several years ago, they were just terrible and were laughed at by the typical fan. Nobody is laughing now.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 12:46 pm 
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Pocono is today, but they are getting their ass hung up on by the weatherman, so they are showing last year's race. It appears that Fox is not showing a graphic that says it is last year's race, which has caused dumbass JLTs to Tweet things like this:

Ivan Linde Jr
‏@Linde88Jr

@NASCARONFOX Your graphics for the 24 car are wrong. Showing @JeffGordonWeb as driver not @chaseelliott.#GordonRetired

...which got this funny response from Jeffy himself:

Jeff Gordon ‏@JeffGordonWeb 8m8 minutes ago

Oh you didn't hear? I'm back driving the #team24 today!(and tweeting from the car) #JGreturns


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 7:19 pm 
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Former driver Mike Wallace got the crap beat out of him after a Rascal Flatts concert this weekend. He was knocked out cold but they kept kicking him in the head.

I didn't like this guy at all when he drove and fuck him for going to a Rascal Flatts concert, but not even he deserved that.

I've been to a half dozen country concerts in my life, and the amount of young rednecks looking to fight someone is mind-boggling. The worst one of all was a Bellamy Brothers concert, which doesn't make any sense. I've never been to a bro-country gig, but I bet it is way worse.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 12:19 pm 
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jim jack wrote:
Former driver Mike Wallace got the crap beat out of him after a Rascal Flatts concert this weekend. He was knocked out cold but they kept kicking him in the head.

I didn't like this guy at all when he drove and fuck him for going to a Rascal Flatts concert, but not even he deserved that.

I've been to a half dozen country concerts in my life, and the amount of young rednecks looking to fight someone is mind-boggling. The worst one of all was a Bellamy Brothers concert, which doesn't make any sense. I've never been to a bro-country gig, but I bet it is way worse.


They should hand out guns to everyone at the door to keep the violence to a minimum.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 10:07 pm 
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Sonoma, California is this weekend, one of two road courses. Toni Stewart got mad at Jamie McMurray in practice.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2016 6:28 pm 
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Fat Toni won today at Sonoma, and people are going nuts about it. I don't care, because that's not the news at Hoob Acres.

On Saturday night at Gateway Motorsports Park near St. Louis, there was a truck race. John Wes Townley and Spencer Gallagher wrecked each other. Twice.

And then they fought. Or wrestled. Or danced. I'm not sure. I enjoyed it, though. Funny that they actually wore themselves out with nobody coming in to interfere, kinda like hockey. Some drivers are in decent shape. These two aren't.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zy_vB1tzvwM

Here is a related Tweet from a NASCAR journalist:

Jeff Gluck ‏@jeff_gluck 4m4 minutes ago

Tony Stewart says John Wes Townley "made my top five hero list of all time" after fight and says he's now following him on social media.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 12:25 pm 
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"Next time take him out with your car like i do" - @TonyStewart

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 5:26 pm 
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Wow, this is big news. June has unexpectedly stepped aside for next week's race at New Hampster, citing concussion symptoms. He has been in a couple of wrecks in the past month including at Daytona.

But he does have a history of concussions. I wonder what the possibility is that he might quit soon.

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/dale-earnh ... 01835.html


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 8:13 am 
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the dude is worth $300 million. $300 million?! Didn't know nascar paid so well


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 11:12 am 
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Next week is Indianapolis, and Junior's team has already announced that if June can't drive next week, Jeff Gordon will come out of retirement to drive for him.

To the delight of all people named Hoob, quite a few of June's fans have a large problem with this.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 6:14 pm 
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Indy was this weekend. Kyle Douche dominated and won. Jeff Gordon was 13th racing in the June Bug Concussion Special. Toni Stewart was 11th in his final race there before retirement.

It was the by far, the worst race of the season. Good grief that was bad. Ratings will be bad, too.

That grand old place has seating for 235,000 people. They never release attendance totals at Indy, but it was estimated that 50,000 were there. There is no way that many were there.

I think this race needs to go away. Drivers are wanting a shorter schedule. Let's start with this one.

Hoob.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2016 8:14 am 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5AO08i4sFg


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2016 5:46 pm 
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The wonderful Watkins Glen road course race was today. I stayed away from this race because Rangers baseball was on, and I missed a dandy. Every time I switched over between innings, something interesting was happening. And the stands were full.

There was last lap spinning by the second and third place cars, resulting in crashing and pissed off bumper cars during the cool down lap. Instead of fighting, the combatants shook hands and declared it a part of racing.

I'm too cheap for DVR. If this thing gets replayed, I am going to watch the entire thing.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2016 5:58 pm 
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I spoke too soon. Kyle Larson was spun at the end for no reason and lost 24 positions on one lap. He was pissed at A.J. Allmendinger for doing that, and said he felt really badly for A.J.'s crew chief, who will have to be fixing wrecked cars in the next few races.

In other words, revenge will be had on Dinger's ass.

Next week is the night race at Bristol, a short track race where people with anger issues get angry.

Stay away from this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2016 3:40 pm 
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To the surprise of nobody named Hoob, June Bug announced that he will not race again this season because of his concussion symptoms. Wonder what his sponsors think about that.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 4:16 pm 
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Richmond was Saturday and I missed it. The big news was Ryan Newman getting put out of the race by Toni Stewart and what Newman said afterward:

"I guess he thought he was in a sprint car again and didn’t know how to control his anger. ... Just disappointing that you've got somebody old like that that retired (should be retired) the way he drives. It's just ridiculous.

"I only hit him in Turn 1 when he cut across my nose, so I don't think there was any reason other than him being bipolar and having anger issues. Google Tony Stewart, you'll see all kinds of things he's done. Look it up on YouTube. Quite the guy."

I dislike Newman for what he did to Kyle Larson in this race last year, but he kinda made up for it Saturday.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 8:58 am 
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Last weekend (Labor Day weekend), we had to go over to the in-laws's's's. The previous weekend (the weekend before Labor Day) they went to Bristol to some Trump rally/NASCAR hoedown and we had to sit and look at every picture they took of every roadside sign and diner that Billy Jim "JackRabbit" Jenkins once stopped to take a shit in. Best was the video where about 10,000 baboons gathered on the streets to watch the parade of all the trucks delivering the Nascars. They were all shiny and chromed and had special truck horns blaring continuously, and yes, I know the difference between continuously and continually and I'm using the correct word. It was fucking noise pollution and I wanted to leave the room, but then I would've been attacked, beaten, and eaten by baboons.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 2:37 pm 
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Who doesn't know the difference between continuously and continually?

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2016 7:19 pm 
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Talladega was today and it had major championship implications. The chance for tension and fun and stuff was great.

This race sucked more than any race that I have watched in a long time. I should have stayed away from this race.

Really, all three afternoon football games were awful. So was this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:52 pm 
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The 2016 season ended today, and Jimmie Johnson won the race and the championship, tying dead Dale and King Richard. Many are pissed off by it because of reasons.

The big event of this race was Carl Edwards dominating but having to block Joey Logano on a restart, crashing out Carl and fucking Joey up, too. It was high drama. Carl was given all sorts of love for how he handled things and is being praised for his sportsmanship.

I'm not happy that someone from the Rick Hendrick death star won another championship, but I sure didn't want Logano to win. I wonder if his dumbass daddy tried to fight someone after the race.

Oh, and this was fat Toni Stewart's last race. I imagine he ate two cheeseburgers afterward and then jacked off to porn on webtv.

I'm glad I didn't stay away from this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:24 pm 
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If he hadn't won the race, I would kind of feel like Johnson backed his way into the championship win, especially since he started at the back of the field and was last among the four contenders for a good part of the race. I would rather him win than any of the other dolts from the Hendricks team. I heeded your usual advice and stayed away from the last 100 laps or so because we had plans for the evening. See if I ever listen to your elderly ass again.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2016 9:25 am 
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bigboy wrote:
If he hadn't won the race, I would kind of feel like Johnson backed his way into the championship win, especially since he started at the back of the field and was last among the four contenders for a good part of the race. I would rather him win than any of the other dolts from the Hendricks team. I heeded your usual advice and stayed away from the last 100 laps or so because we had plans for the evening. See if I ever listen to your elderly ass again.


LOL.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 1:39 am 
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This week, I ran into a classmate that I haven't seen in 40 years. He's a huge NASCAR fan.

He said that Junior is playing the concussion game to avoid getting drug tested for something that is in his system. He said there is no way he is still suffering from it. If football players can come back and play the next week, June can drive.

I didn't have an answer for that one.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:31 pm 
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Today Fox Sports has a story about who completed the most laps this year. Kasey Kahne had the most. He never led a lap all year. He did go three wide.

1. Kasey Kahne, 10,355 laps
2. Kurt Busch, 10,348
3. Brad Keselowski, 10,337
4. Danica Patrick, 10,326
5. Carl Edwards, 10,303
6. Landon Cassill, 10,286
7. Austin Dillon, 10,276
8. Kyle Larson, 10,271
9. Trevor Bayne, 10,260
10. Clint Bowyer, 10,252

Positions 2, 3, 5, and 8 were not spares. Boogity.


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