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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 4:58 pm 
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Talladega is this weekend. Home of the big wreck. A journalist quizzed followers today about their feelings on green-white-checker finishes. None? One? Three (like it is now)? Unlimited?

This got a lot of comments from super dumbasses who thought a race should never finish under yellow, they paid a lot for tickets, the drivers know what they are getting into, etc. In other words, Junior Loving Tards.

This got a response from Kenny Wallace, who gives zero fucks what anybody thinks about him:

Kenny Wallace ‏@Kenny_Wallace 10m10 minutes ago

Some of you talk a lot of shit. We've KILLED ALOT of great drivers on these BIG tracks. GWC only invite more dangerous wrecks. ONE is enough


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2015 6:21 pm 
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I was wrong about green-white-checkers finishes. They just have one now.

Today at Talladega they had one. During it, Harvick intentionally wrecked somebody, ending the race and guaranteeing he would make it to the next round on points. He had mechanical issues and probably wouldn't have advanced otherwise.

It caused others to miss the next round. Denny Hamlin tweeted this: "What a joke we have a car with no motor wreck the field to end the race. Complete crap. Sorry to anyone who spent $ coming to this circus." Several other drivers also blamed Harvick and said he did it intentionally.

Joey Logano won. Finishing under the yellow meant no win for Joonyer, and no advancing to the next round. It also meant that the JLTs threw numerous beers onto the track.

Logano said they should have drank them before throwing them out onto the track. He's right, you know.

Fuck the JLTs. I don't have a problem with him, but I do with you. Glad your driver is out.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 8:37 pm 
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A couple of weeks ago, Matt Kenseth was leading and Joey Logano pushed him out of the way and won. This really pissed off Kenseth and he made it plain. Most of us wondered when revenge would be taken. Many thought it would be today at Martinsville, a short track.

During today's race, Kenseth got his car damaged and blamed Brad Keselowski (Logano's teammate) for it. So toward the end of the race, Logano was lapping Kenseth for the fifth time, and ol' Matt drove his ass right into the wall, fucking up both cars. Logano was leading at the time. It got strong reaction in two ways:

1. Thunderous applause from those in the stands. It has been awhile since I saw a crowd react like this to someone being intentionally wrecked. Maybe when Rusty Wallace wrecked Gordon at Richmond in 1998 and the crowd went wild.

2. Righteous indignation from the media, who thought it was just awful and Kenseth should be suspended. Oh, and Joey's daddy had to be restrained. Not the first time this guy has done that.

I used to like Joey. Used to. Fuck that guy from here on out. Jeff Gordon was the beneficiary of these shenanigans and won the race.

Next week is Texas. Stay away from this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 11:25 am 
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I'm going to the race on Sunday. I lucked into suite tickets and a valet parking pass. :bigtime: I would prefer to sit in the stands and enjoy the noise of the race, but I can tolerate free food and beverage.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 12:51 pm 
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What part of "Stay away from this race" do you not understand?


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 3:59 pm 
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That old fart doesn't know what he's talking about.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 4:18 pm 
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Isn't this Gordon's final race? Is he going to crash into turn 2 for old time's sake?

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 4:52 pm 
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bigboy wrote:
That old fart doesn't know what he's talking about.


:D


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2015 10:37 pm 
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Kenseth suspended for two races. Joe Gibbs racing to appeal.

I get the feeling that a lot of drivers appreciate what Matt did. A handful actually spoke out about the issue.

Denny Hamlin, Jeff Gordon, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. weighed in on this event, and from their comments, I would say they favor Kenseth's side.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 10:21 am 
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Have fun at the race today, Big Boy. Remember to hold up 88 fingers on lap 88, in honor of Dale.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 7:25 pm 
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Jimmie Johnson won at Tejas, passing Keselowski for the win with 4 laps to go. That move got this Tweet from Matt Kenseth:

Matt Kenseth Verified account
‏@mattkenseth

Good work @JimmieJohnson! Textbook pass for the win at the end of the race when someone is trying to take your lane. #quintessential


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 10:48 pm 
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I had some free tickets so I went to the race today. It was my first NASCAR race. There were some definite elements of the experience where I can see the allure, but I would never pay to go to another race. Outside the speedway it was like a carnival. It was packed with people, vendors, and food. I had some pizza. 1 slice was pepperoni. The other slice was I-talian snausage. I didn't see it, but Sammy Hagar put on a little show. Jim from the Office did the "start your engines bit" and boy howdy, it was louder'n a mug up in that bitch when they did. I had to pee and when I did I bought some earplugs for $2. I would've paid $20. It was also very bright from the sunshine, but I got a free ball cap with my tickets so I was covered. By lap 88, my Bud Light buzz was waning (what a regretful feeling that is), I had cottonmouth from mouth breathing, a slight headache, and a worrisome and curious pain emanating from my dick. It was the damndest thing, the dick pains. Came on outta nowhere. The pain was from the underbelly of the shaft, just below the mushroom-crafted dickhead. (Yes, my penis is circumcised, is yours?) Anyhoo, the pain was a raw, burning sensation. I couldn't remember cutting it or anything. The pain subsided for awhile, but flared up again at the house after dinner. I self inspected my penis and saw a red dot. It had the size and appearance of a red pepper flake, and I was a fred and thought "wow, I got an exposed wound on my dick". That's an unpleasant thought. I told my wife "I think I cut my penis" and she gave my some polysporin to put on it. When I went to lovage my member with the aloe ointment the sore fell off, like I was a leper. The pain stopped too. I went back in my head (not my dickhead, but the head on my shoulders) and remembered that I sprinkled a lot of red pepper flakes on my pizza. I ate the pizza with my hands. When I peed, I held my penis with my hand. I must've had a red pepper flake that transferred from my hand to my dick in the process, and for the next six or so hours that flake would rest there and create mayhem. I was very relieved, but the story seemed to really bum out the wife, who seems to have found everything about it to be unhygienic and ridiculous. Do y'all have any NASCAR stories?


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 11:34 pm 
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That's exactly why I don't like NASCAR.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 6:10 am 
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I shoulda listened to hoob. I shoulda stayed away.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:42 pm 
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jim jack wrote:
Have fun at the race today, Big Boy. Remember to hold up 88 fingers on lap 88, in honor of Dale.


I forgot people do that. In another generation or so there will be stories popping up about how he used to drive on water and heal engines with just his hands. Fucking idiots.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:21 pm 
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Trained Goucho wrote:
I shoulda listened to hoob. I shoulda stayed away.


Are you kidding me? And us miss that really awesome story? Glad you went.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2015 12:45 pm 
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I had a pretty decent time, although I don't have any stories about burning my peener with red pepper. I was glad to see that turd Keselowski getting his ass hung up on. This was my 6th time to go to a Sprint race and the 5th time I've seen Jimmie Johnson win. I like the big video screen they have out there. I got a big giggle out of seeing the Nascarcasm account get a tweet on the board.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 8:46 pm 
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The season ended today at Homestead, a track that I hate, but the race was kinda interesting. Kyle Busch won the race and his first championship. His car owner is Joe Gibbs, who has won four championships and three Super Bowls.

He beat out shithead Harvick for the win. At some point I realized that I was rooting for a Busch, but I hate Harvick that much.

This race was on NBC, and because of weather it ran over into Football Night in America, which is a pregame show that gets ratings that are much better than NASCAR. NBC stuck with NASCAR, getting a lot of admiration from fans. It also got some complaints:

Josh Bosse ‏@jbosse03 2h2 hours ago

How are you making us watch hillbillies drive in circles and miss football night in America @nbc
#disappointed

++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Josh: you missed a motherfucking pregame show. Lighten up, Francis, dumbass.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Lots of talk about this being Jeff Gordon's last race. Mr. Gordon spent much of his career being hated by the typical Junior Loving Tard fan, so seeing the love for him in the last few races has been puzzling for me. I have always liked and respected him even in the old days.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 11:25 am 
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I dunno, Josh has a point.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 11:55 am 
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jim jack wrote:
Joe Gibbs, who has won three Super Bowls.


Damn right, he has.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 10:54 pm 
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I never thought I would root for a Busch, but after the shitty hand he was dealt on opening weekend, I found myself quietly cheering for him to make the ultimate comeback when he went on that mid-summer run of wins.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 12:37 am 
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You know what? I agree with that. Getting your foot shot off in a wreck isn't that great. He really had a hard time recovering from his injuries, but he did.

You know that there are plenty of people saying that this was bullshit, that KyBusch got to take a couple of months off and this championship was tainted.

My answer to those people: hold up three fingers in honor of Dale. Then think about your mom and/or your sister. Those same three fingers don't begin to cause any sort of discomfort inside your stupid mom or sister.

I get the feeling that entire experience took some of the annoying prick out of him. Maybe.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:23 pm 
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The Chili Bowl was this weekend. It's a dirt track race in Tulsa that is very prestigious as far as that stuff goes. Highlights:

1. Tony Stewart didn't race, but he did help with track preparations. He likes to drive tractors or whatever equipment to get things ready.

2. Stewart went into the stands to confront a heckler. The heckler turned out to be an off-duty sheriff's deputy. Security got between them, so no fight. I am hearing all sorts of rumors as to what caused Toni to go up into the stands. Tulsa po-po is investigating.

3. A fan favorite, 4'4" Rico Abreu won the event for the second consecutive year. Rico won the 2014 Midget car crown (insert rim shot). For what it's worth, Midget cars have nothing to do with the stature of the drivers. It's a type of car.

4. Rico has a ride in the truck series for next year. I love this.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2016 9:10 pm 
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Toni Stewart has suffered a back injury while fucking around on an ATV out in California. Sand dunes were involved. At least one other driver was out there with him.

This guy is just looking for stuff to fuck up.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 12:25 pm 
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actual footage
Image


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:07 pm 
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That literally loaded slower than 1 frame a second and it was that much more glorious.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 7:10 pm 
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That video gave me a big :D

Toni is going to have to have back surgery and will miss the Daytona 500 and probably more. What a dummy.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 8:56 am 
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That video is way too entertaining to be in the NASCAR thread.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:53 am 
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I can't stop watching that. :D


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 9:29 pm 
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Watching the Daytona Unlimited, which is an exhibition race that starts off speed week.

Throwing down trash at sporting events is the American way. At NASCAR events, it can knock a driver out of the race. The wind carries it onto the track, it gets caught up in the grill, cutting off air, causing overheating and resulting in engine death.

Jeff Gluck ‏@jeff_gluck 4m4 minutes ago

Brad Keselowski talking about swerving to miss potato chip bags...while leading a 200 mph pack at Daytona


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 9:28 pm 
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There was a minor-league race at Smyrna, Georgia today. The story here is, they mis-counted the laps and caused the drivers to run an extra one, and people crashed out on the extra lap. I am surprised this doesn't happen more often.

My favorite up-and-coming driver tweeted this:

Darrell Wallace Jr ‏@BubbaWallace 8m8 minutes ago

Steve Harvey was the flag man tonight at @newsmyrnaspdway.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 8:45 pm 
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Sorry about this, haters. It's time to start driving around in a circle again. Daytona was today. My observations:

Not much passing with this configuration. Kinda disappointing.

Blocking in NASCAR is now accepted. Fuck that.

Danica wrecked herself and somebody else because she failed at cock blocking. The dumbass did get what she deserved. Dumbass.

June led early, but he wrecked near the end. To his credit, he chalked it up to driver error. Poor Waltrip went flaccid in the broadcast booth when it happened. Hoob likey. Boogity.

A Toyota won, pissing off people who think it is the end of the world for a Japanese car to win in NASCAR. I love America, but fuck these people and the trailer park they were conceived in. Being a big fan of the Japanese auto, I approve.

Martin Truex lost by 4 inches. Insert penis joke here.

I enjoyed this event and watched every lap. Glad I didn't stay away from this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:50 am 
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I own two Toyotas and I will set the cruise control at 80 on both of them and drive them right up their hillbilly asses.

With lunch and taking my kid outside to play for awhile, I didn't get to sit down and start watching until there were 30 laps left. Great finish. I knew someone would do that on the last lap, but I thought for sure Kenseth would be able to hold them off.

Danica's wreck was pretty epic. Only she could lose it, slip and slide across the grass for half a mile, not a hit a damn thing, and do that much damage to her car. The Vickers spin out was great for the opposite reason. He spun through all sorts of traffic, never hit a thing, and caused someone else to hit the wall trying to dodge him.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 9:47 am 
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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 8:39 pm 
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Las Vegas was today. My take from this race is, Waltrip is getting a lot worse as a commentator and is nearly unbearable. Did he get concussions at some point in his career of being a dumbass driver? It sure seems like it.

Boogity.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 11:39 pm 
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He's being exposed by the fact that Gordon is pretty good in the booth.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2016 4:55 pm 
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Martinsville was today and was quite entertaining. David Ragan got into June and flattened June's tire, causing a spinout. I giggled like a school girl. To prevent any sort of assassination attempts from JLTs, June Tweeted this:

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Verified account
‏@DaleJr

No worries @DavidRagan. He barely doored me, just happen 2 cut the tire. Rubbing is racing @MartinsvilleSwy. Made the day harder & more fun.

Once again, I don't have a big problem with Junior, just his fans.

Next week is at the great state of Texas. Stay away from this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2016 11:57 am 
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Jeff Gluck is a journalist who covers NASCAR for USA Today.

Jeff Gluck ‏@jeff_gluck 1h1 hour ago
Was thinking about this today: Even if you include all of spring training and postseason, baseball still has a shorter schedule than NASCAR.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:03 pm 
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I haven't heard any warnings from Hoob, so I'm going to go ahead and use the suite tickets I scraped up for Saturday night's race. Wish me luck.

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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:10 pm 
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Hoob told me to tell you via pm to stay away from this race.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:43 pm 
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jim jack wrote:
Next week is at the great state of Texas. Stay away from this race.

FYI, Hoob, I actually read your posts.


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 Post subject: Re: If you are in need of sleep, here's a NASCAR thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:35 pm 
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