Sonoma, California was the race today. This is a road course.

This race was on TNT today. It is kinda difficult to watch a race while the analysts start jacking off every time Dale Junior passes by. Kyle Petty is the worst offender, but the others are pretty bad.

One time they were talking about how great he was doing and suddenly, there was a wreck back in the pack. Did they cut to it? Hell, no. They had jacking off to Dale Junior to do. I bet their wieners were sore.

I think June finished third. I bet Matt Kenseth didn't appreciate being put into the wall by June. I don't think I needed anything else to make me hate June any more, but I do after that happened.

Carl Edwards won for the first time on a road course. He did his customary backflip at the finish line. Hoob liked it.

Home Depot is Leaving NASCAR

I thought about this story today when I was at a Home Depot, and they had a number 20 shopping cart for little kids to ride in. Another sponsor goes down.

Watching the Firecracker 400.

Jeff Gluck @jeff_gluck 2m
Spotter tells Danica where the pack is. DP: "I can see them. I know exactly where they are. They're fucking driving away."

I laughed.

Indianapolis is this weekend. According to Dick Hicks, the name of the race is The Crown Royal Presents the John Wayne Walding 400 at the Brickyard Powered by BigMachineRecords.com.

According to Hoob, you should stay away from this race.

Before I went to bed last night, I read about this event, which put NASCAR into the news for a change.

http://deadspin.com/reports-tony-stewar ... socialflow

Wow.

I don't have an opinion either way on the Toni Stewart premeditated murder of some innocent boy whose dreams were flushed down the toilet of a Burger King bathroom.

Just kidding there.

Seriously, I don't know who to blame. Probably both were at fault. I'm not going to overreact even though I don't like him at all.

At this point in his life, Stewart is worth a bunch of money. He will be worth a bit less soon.

Regardless of how it turns out, the world is minus one redneck.

I was surprised at Gordo's comments on this story. "We just witnessed a murder." He made definitive statements damning Tony, basically saying he meant to hit him.

I'm not a NASCAR fan. If pressed, I can probably only name around a dozen drivers in the entire history of the sport (probably fewer, actually). I do know who Tony Stewart is, by name only. I have no opinion on him one way or the other. With that being said, I don't know how someone like Gordo (who I assume feels the same as I) can make those statements based on a 55 second, tightly zoomed, dark, grainy video of a night race on a poorly lit black mud track that reflects no light, with black cars and a guy running around in a black suit with a dark helmet. Gordo wonders why Tony "guns" the engine and doesn't slam on his brakes. You know what happens when you lock up your brakes on a mud track? You just keep on sliding straight. Coming out of a corner, locking the brakes would have been the worst thing to do.

A plausible conclusion one could make from watching the video is that coming around the corner, Tony just didn't noticed that some idiot was standing in the middle of the track. Not only standing there, but trying to get as close to Tony as possible to get his attention. Tony, having already taken a line that puts him on a direct path to hit the idiot, does the only thing he can do at that point and gun the engine to try to steer his car around the dude.

I'm not saying this happened. I'm not saying Gordo's assumptions are correct. All I'm saying is I don't see how you make the statements he made this morning based on that video.

I missed him saying that, and it's probably a good thing. I wonder if he holds up an "I'm trolling" sign when he talks.

And I agree with your assessment of it.

I just saw June Bug being interviewed on the sidelines of the Redskins vs. Browns game. He like the Redskins, and had opinions of both teams.

He was doing great until he said that JFF should play all four quarters to see what he could do.

Hey, dumbass. It's pre-season. There are several that they have to look at.

Meanwhile, Darrell Waltrip was jacking off while watching the interview.

From the owner and founder of Bass Pro Shops, who sponsors Toni Stewart's car:

"On behalf of the Bass Pro Family, and as Tony's friend, we are proud to stand by him as he returns this weekend to the sport he loves so much."

Their statement was much longer than that, but I just copied that sentence since it made his point. I am not a lover of Stewart at all, but I am glad they took this stance.

Watching Atlanta right now and asshole Harvick is running away with it.

It was funny to see a cat run across the track in front of him. "I almost hit a cat!" he said over the radio. There is also reports of a squirrel on the track.

In an interesting finish, Kasey Kahne won and made it into the chase. Yes, at some point he went three-wide, making Hoob laugh.

Harvick got put into the wall, making me laugh even more.

Kahne was going to win and then Kyle Douche got into a skirmish on the track, causing Kasey to get put back into fifth. But he still came back and won.

Danica finished 6th, her best finish in NASCAR.

This race had a good ending. Glad I didn't stay away from it.

Chicago was today, a race that I usually stay away from because people that I hate usually win there.

Brad Krashalotski won by using a bold move. I am ok with him winning. Kyle Larson and Jeff Gordon were duking it out for second, and I realized I was smiling while watching them race. Other highlights:

Danica and Ricky ran into each other on the track. Again.

Kurt Busch and his brother nearly crashed, and Kurt lost several spots as a result. Over the radio, he called his brother "the fucking 18."

June started 13th and finished 11th.

Marcos Ambrose is leaving cheapass Richard Petty motorsports to go home to Australia.

Ambrose is 38 and has had some success here in the States. I like the guy a lot and wish him well.

Roger Penske is going to start a team down under and Ambrose is gonna drive in it. The team's other owner? The wonderfully-named Dick Johnson.

Story

New Hampster was today, and I hate this track. Watched the last 80 laps in an effort to fall asleep. Was thoroughly entertained by the wrecking that occurred and glad I watched it.

Joey Logano won. Stupid ass Harvick led the most laps but finished third. He was whining about how Logano was cheating on restarts. I bet his wife told him to say that.

I hate that sonofabitch.

Tony Stewart will not be indicted. Among the things that were discovered was, deadass Kevin Ward had enough marijuana in his body that he was impaired. What in the fuck, man.

His family says they are still going to pursue Stewart for something. Hopefully they will get nothing and like it.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/0 ... COY_qGMygY

The idea of drivers racing impaired reminded me of an odd story. The great Chris Economaki once claimed that in the 1950s, some drivers in the Indy 500 would throw their empty whiskey bottles over the third turn wall before the race began.

Drunk/stoned racing intrigues me.

This is going to sound like Don Keyballs.

Is there anyone more thin-skinned than the pot crowd? Fuck a duck, people. They have been all over the place today talking about how THC stays in your body for a long time, and how the DA was a prick for mentioning pot and it wasn't a factor. Here is a paragraph that I copied from thatsracin.com:

Tantillo said Wednesday the grand jury also was presented with toxicology results that showed Ward was under the influence of marijuana at the time of the incident, in high enough levels for impairment.

In other words, he has fucking stoned while behind the wheel of a race car.

Although I have never smoked it, I am sympathetic to those that want it to be legalized. I have let people smoke out while they rode with me in the Hoobmobile. But I hate the legalize it bunch more and more every day. They are getting to be worse than gays or feminists as far as being touchy.

I had written a long summary about the Charlotte race, then I realized that nobody would give a shit about it.

I'll sum it up by saying that a driver who rarely is involved in controversy started a fight after the race. And I loved it.

Also, after the race, Toni Stewart had a road rage incident and actually threw his car in REVERSE and drilled a douche that deserved a good drilling. And I loved that.

Next week is Talladega, where lots of blocking, wrecking, and hard feelings usually occurs. I cannot wait.

Stay away from this race.

Microsoft calls this day patch Tuesday. For NASCAR, it's penalty Tuesday.

Keselowski and Stewart were fined for what they did on Saturday night. Hamlin and Kenseth were not penalized.

The main stream media have been getting on Toni a little bit for his actions, which they are calling road rage. They are dumbasses, but they might be right this time. Still, I loved that he did it.

Watched the race at Talladega on and off on Sunday. The ending was interesting, but nobody fought or got really mad at anyone else.

Swung by the truck race at Martinsville for a couple of laps. They have painted the curbs pink.

Geez.

Martinsville was today. Watched a lot of it and was entertained by it. Was happy that Harvick and Johnson wrecked and were never in contention.

However, June Bug won, ruining the whole damned thing. I should have took my own advice and stayed away from this race.

Texas is this weekend. Because of the championship implications, this race is a big deal. Sea Bass has an interesting tweet about it:

ShakeJoint 7-930 tomorrow morning at TMS. There will be zero nascar segments.

He should have just used Hoob's advice. Stay away from this race. And stay away from the area, too.

A couple of days ago, I had to hear from a Junior Lovin' Tard talk about how they should change the rules so that if someone like June gets eliminated, they can get back in with a win. I walked off thinking about how stupid the American public is.

Another extremely boring race, and another good finish and a memorable fight at the end. Good job, Texas. I hope all of the empty stands enjoyed it.

I knew things were going to be good when I could hear some guy chanting, "Kick his ass! Kick his ass!" before the meelee began.

What never got discussed on TV of the fight between Jeff and Brad was Harvick's actions in starting this. When Gordon was battling his way through the crowd, Harvick shoved Brad K. from behind, then slithered away from the fight. I don't like Harvick at all, but that was a damn funny move.

And then Gordon called Keslowski a dipshit when interviewed later. So awesome.

Next weekend is Phoenix.

That Harvick push was so weak. Almost like he wanted to tickle him.

Never in my life have I ever seen a bigger pair of douches than the Busch brothers. It bugs me that they are rich and can get women. It appears that the elder douche has been slapping one around.

Douche

I hate those sonofabitches.

This morning, I read a story about Chase Elliott winning the Nationwide series at age 18. Good on him. He's Bill Elliott's son. Awesome Bill was my fave when he drove.

Read a little farther and noticed that he drove for JR Motorsports. JR is June Bug. "Oh!" I thought. Good for June.

And then I ran across Kyle Busch complaining that NASCAR was looking for reasons to throw cautions so he can't win the Nationwide races. I giggled like a schoolgirl. What a douche. He actually called them "Kyle Busch cautions." Please, NASCAR, kick this guy in the nuts if you can find them.

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/elliott-be ... ascar.html

Phoenix was today. Harvick the Prick dominated and won. Four drivers have a chance for the championship now, and it will be decided next week at Homestead, Florida.

I guess the big thing was how Ryan Newman got into the final four. He punted Kyle Larsen on the last lap. Larsen wasn't in contention for the championship, but Newman needed to finish one spot higher. So, into the wall went the rookie.

I liked Newman before that happened. I don't like him as much after this. That is just dirty racing. Some are blaming the format for this. Fuck that.

Chase haters are pointing to the fact that Newman never won a race this year and, has only led a few laps all year. I hate Chase haters, but they have a solid point.

Harvick the Prick won the race at Homestead, and he won the championship. I was reduced to rooting for Denny the Douche Hamlin to win. Because he is a douche, he choked and lost.

This wasn't a good season. It started with June Bug winning Daytona and ended with this. Fuck NASCAR and the horse they rode in on.

This marks the end of NASCAR on ESPN. This means that the races won't be mentioned on Sportcenter at all unless someone dies or gets in a fight. Or Danica wins. Wow, I am surly.

Most, but not all of the hosts are jumping to other networks. Brad Daugherty is staying at ESPN to work basketball.

And up-and-coming driver in the truck series is Darrell Wallace, Jr. This guy won four races this year and finished third in the standings.

And he is a soul brother.

Unfortunately, no sponsors want to boom boom with a soul brother, so he asked for his release from Joe Gibbs racing and was granted it. This pisses me off so much.

Come on, people. Somebody sign this guy and give him a ride. He is really good.

He couldn't at least get sponsored by Soul Glo or Colt 45? Ain't that some shit.

I call bullshit. The Jr implies they know the father.

Oh wow. I like NASCAR, but they obviously cater to rednecks. Here is a guy who climbed a fence during the race at Richmond and caused them to have to throw the caution flag. He was fat, drunk, and shirtless.

The guy was sentenced to 12 months in jail with 11 months suspended for disorderly conduct, and fined $100 for being drunk in public.

http://www.timesdispatch.com/news/local ... 4dd5b.html

Once again, Brian Vickers is going to miss some time due to heart issues. This sucks, this sucks, this sucks...

http://blackflag.jalopnik.com/nascar-dr ... 54/+travis

Sprint is pulling the plug on their series sponsorship after 2016. I wonder who the next sucker will be. What would happen if nobody sponsored it.

Before it was the Winston Cup, they called it the Grand National series. That was the last time it was unsponsored.

Rousch Fenway Racing signed him. Nothing was said about a sponsor, though.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/1 ... drive.html

Here is how they would have finished without the points playoff system (actual finish in parentheses):

1. #24-Jeff Gordon (6)
2. #22-Joey Logano (4)
3. #2-Brad Keselowski (5)
4. #88-Dale Earnhardt Jr. (8)
5. #4-Kevin Harvick (1)
6. #31-Ryan Newman (2)
7. #20-Matt Kenseth (7)
8. #42-Kyle Larson (17)
9. #48-Jimmie Johnson (11)
10. #99-Carl Edwards (9)

Using last year's rules (actual finish in parentheses):

1. #22-Joey Logano (4)
2. #4-Kevin Harvick (1)
3. #2-Brad Keselowski (5)
4. #31-Ryan Newman (2)
5. #24-Jeff Gordon (6)
6. #20-Matt Kenseth (7)
7. #88-Dale Earnhardt Jr. (8)
8. #99-Carl Edwards (9)
9. #18-Kyle Busch (10)
10. #48-Jimmie Johnson (11)