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| Cap's joke of the day http://removerowdy.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=3594 |
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| Author: | rowdyhatinwalt [ Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
all caps, huh? |
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| Author: | cap [ Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
We're angry and we're not going to take it anymore! |
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| Author: | TerdFerguson [ Fri Aug 12, 2011 8:30 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Hold the line! |
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Fri Aug 12, 2011 10:49 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Block that kick! |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Some of these are pretty good in a cap joke kinda way |
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| Author: | Cledus [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
POW! |
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| Author: | cap [ Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:44 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
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| Author: | cap [ Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
The Mexican Maid The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." "The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban he say so." Wife: "Oh yeah?" Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Jor hozband did Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did did he???" Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed." Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Señora ....... The gardener did." Wife : How much do you want? |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
A woman goes to the doctor because she had been stung by a bee while golfing. The doctor asks her "Where did you get stung?" The woman answers, "Between the first and second hole." Doctor replies, "I think your stance is too wide." |
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| Author: | cap [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
That's funny because I'm golfing today with a hot sales chick. |
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| Author: | or somesuch [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 1:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
cap wrote: That's funny because I'm golfing today with a hot sales chick. That chick in a kilt playing the bagpipes? I wouldn't call her hot. |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Martinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans." "Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna throw up." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein 2003." |
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| Author: | Diello [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 10:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Giggle. |
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| Author: | cap [ Thu Oct 18, 2012 8:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
WHat do you ask a woman with two black eyes? You don't, you already asked it twice., |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men… One for January, one for February, one For March......." |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Sat Feb 02, 2013 7:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
A golfer was on vacation in Ireland and while playing he made a hole-in-one. With that a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, “I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I’ll grant you any wish.” The player thought a bit and said, “Could you make me weeny a bit larger?” “Wish granted.” says the leprechaun, as he skips away. Well, by the time he got to the 14th tee it was showin’ below his shorts. He continued his game and on the 15th hole it was draggin’ along behind him. By the 18th he could hardly make it to the green. He went straight to the pro shop and asked the pro how to fix it. He was told that legend has it, to see the leprechaun agian, you must go back and make another ace. After purchasing five buckets of balls he made his way back to the 13th and frantically began hitting shot after shot until finally he made the hole-in-one. Again the leprechaun jumped out saying, “I’ll grant you any wish.” The player asked, “Could ya make me legs a bit longer?” |
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| Author: | cap [ Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
my jokes aren't racists. |
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| Author: | cap [ Sat Mar 30, 2013 6:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
How do you fit three gays on a bar stool? Turn it upside down. |
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| Author: | cap [ Sat Mar 30, 2013 6:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
How do you help a gay go on vacation? Pack his shit. |
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| Author: | cap [ Sat Mar 30, 2013 6:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
What's the difference between a gay and a refrigerator ? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. |
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| Author: | Cledus [ Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
A Man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The Undertaker told the husband, “you can have her buried here in the holy land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000". The Husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The Undertaker asked him, “why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150???” The Husband replied, “Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!” |
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| Author: | cap [ Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Cledus wrote: A Man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The Undertaker told the husband, “you can have her buried here in the holy land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000". The Husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The Undertaker asked him, “why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150???” The Husband replied, “Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!” My pastor opened the with the same joke before his sermon yesterday. jkjkjkjkjk |
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| Author: | cap [ Wed Apr 10, 2013 1:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Is that true? |
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| Author: | fruitdog [ Wed Apr 10, 2013 2:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
^^sofa king stupid^^ |
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| Author: | TerdFerguson [ Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
"Excuse me" I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket". "I'm sure it's not semen" she said "It's probably yogurt". "It's definitely semen" I said "I don't ejaculate yogurt". |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:45 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
TerdFerguson wrote: "Excuse me" I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket". "I'm sure it's not semen" she said "It's probably yogurt". "It's definitely semen" I said "I don't ejaculate yogurt". 
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Tue Apr 23, 2013 2:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
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| Author: | Cledus [ Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found Over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there Was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying Colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By Analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the Crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were Killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if There was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck Kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a Nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that While all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one Could shout "Truck." |
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| Author: | TerdFerguson [ Wed Nov 06, 2013 10:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
When I first read it I thought it said cows and I couldn't understand why a bird person was being called in. |
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| Author: | Diello [ Tue Nov 19, 2013 7:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Jokes. 
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
I've reached the point where a lot of those were lol. |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Especially the duck. |
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| Author: | Sweet Greggo [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
bookmarked. I've got a couple of kids I can throw those at. |
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| Author: | Tit Whistle [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
They forgot one I never get tired of and drag out whenever I can. Whenever someone can't find a shoe that matches their desired pair, we usually have an exchange like this: "I can't find a shoe." "You can't find a what?" "A shoe." "Gesundheit!" |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 1:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
We always had big Sunday dunches when I was a kid complete with a plate of dinner rolls. My dad would always look at one of us, give the tongs he was holding a click click and say "wanna roll?" We'd be like "yes, please" and then he'd go "get on the floor." Killed him every time. He still does that even with meals with no dinner rolls. |
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| Author: | Tit Whistle [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 2:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Your dad sounds pretty awesome. |
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| Author: | bigboy [ Wed Nov 20, 2013 2:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
I had a coach in high school that was quite the dad joke expert. I was in a class next door to his (with a good looking female teacher) and he came in mid lesson and started opening and closing the drawers on her desk repeatedly. She asked what he was doing and he said, "I've known you a long time and I've always wanted to check out what was in your drawers." Sex and dad joke all in one. That shit would get him fired now days. |
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| Author: | Diello [ Wed Nov 27, 2013 2:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
More
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| Author: | don keyballs [ Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
I went to the doctor the other day for my physical. The doctor said, "You've GOT to stop masturbating" I said, "What? Why??" He said, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical!" |
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| Author: | jim jack [ Tue Dec 03, 2013 7:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
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| Author: | cap [ Thu Dec 05, 2013 9:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
@RealGilbert: What African activist was able to blow up a rubber glove on his head? Howie Mandela. #RIPNelsonMandela |
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| Author: | Trained Goucho [ Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Cap's joke of the day |
Joe received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Joe. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. Joe, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in that said: Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi",not "wife". |
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