Mundane shit worth sharing

cap · **Posted:** Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:21 pm

its essential if you want the wife to do you know what.

Sweet Greggo · **Posted:** Mon Oct 20, 2014 3:15 pm

cap wrote:

its essential if you want the wife to do you know what.

Change your manager?

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Sweet Greggo wrote:

I always use the wipes as a finisher. Dry paper to get everything clean and finish with the wet wipe to put a nice polish on the ol' starfish.

I do it, too.

Think about how we have evolved. A hundred years ago, TP didn't exist for many. And now people are doing this.

And posting pictures of their poo.

By the way, don't ever use the wipes from Sams Club. They will set you on fire in the worst of places.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Trained Goucho wrote:

I have the top score on the upstairs bathroom one at just over 700 pts, attained while pooping.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

The fact that there is a Fake Jake Kemp account on Twitter makes my old brain go cattywampus.

Cledus · **Posted:** Fri Oct 24, 2014 8:01 am

We have new guy at work, he was walking out of the bathroom as I was walking in... all aggravated he says: why is it so damn hard to find a shitter at 9:30 around here!?!?!
He's right though, the Captain is putting in some work in the 9:30 window.

cap · **Posted:** Fri Oct 24, 2014 8:55 am

Friday is breakfast burrito day. The best BB's are at a Chevron station in LE

cap · **Posted:** Fri Oct 24, 2014 3:04 pm

Studies show that working at a messy desk may actually help you think more creatively.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Please make the Chevrolet Born Free commercial go away.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

nascarcasm ‏@nascarcasm 12m12 minutes ago

I'm gonna download that "Born Free" song because I think it consists of a chorus and that's it.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

The Southwest Airlines crazy dancing girl commercial cracks me up.

Tit Whistle · **Joined:** Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am **Posts:** 15284

I was taking my morning shit here at work when someone went into the stall next to me and started puking his fucking guts out. He had about 5-6 expulsions. Huge ones. Fortunately, there was no bad throw up smell. I got cleaned up and got the fuck out of there quickly as I could. I probably have Ebola by proxy now.

cap · **Posted:** Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:13 am

you totally do. You're white. You'll survive

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

The 'no more' commercials make me want to slap a bitch.

Cledus · **Posted:** Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:32 am

Tit Whistle wrote:

I was taking my morning shit here at work when someone went into the stall next to me and started puking his fucking guts out. He had about 5-6 expulsions. Huge ones. Fortunately, there was no bad throw up smell. I got cleaned up and got the fuck out of there quickly as I could. I probably have Ebola by proxy now.

maybe yer stink butt made him puke...

Tit Whistle · **Joined:** Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am **Posts:** 15284

Cledus wrote:

Tit Whistle wrote:

I was taking my morning shit here at work when someone went into the stall next to me and started puking his fucking guts out. He had about 5-6 expulsions. Huge ones. Fortunately, there was no bad throw up smell. I got cleaned up and got the fuck out of there quickly as I could. I probably have Ebola by proxy now.

maybe yer stink butt made him puke...

No way, man. My shit smells like tulips.

Sweet Greggo · **Posted:** Tue Nov 04, 2014 9:54 am

Tit Whistle wrote:

Cledus wrote:

Tit Whistle wrote:

I was taking my morning shit here at work when someone went into the stall next to me and started puking his fucking guts out. He had about 5-6 expulsions. Huge ones. Fortunately, there was no bad throw up smell. I got cleaned up and got the fuck out of there quickly as I could. I probably have Ebola by proxy now.

maybe yer stink butt made him puke...

No way, man. My shit smells like tulips.

Maybe it's that your two lips smell like shit.

Tit Whistle · **Joined:** Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am **Posts:** 15284

Sweet Greggo wrote:

Tit Whistle wrote:

Cledus wrote:

Tit Whistle wrote:

I was taking my morning shit here at work when someone went into the stall next to me and started puking his fucking guts out. He had about 5-6 expulsions. Huge ones. Fortunately, there was no bad throw up smell. I got cleaned up and got the fuck out of there quickly as I could. I probably have Ebola by proxy now.

maybe yer stink butt made him puke...

No way, man. My shit smells like tulips.

Maybe it's that your two lips smell like shit.

You tell me.

*faert*

Sweet Greggo · **Posted:** Tue Nov 04, 2014 10:30 am

ermergerd, eating a big ol' salad for dinner is not the best choice. My ass turned into a salad shooter this morning. Woke me up at 4:45am. It was like shooting oatmeal out of a 6" pvc pipe.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Sweet Greggo wrote:

ermergerd, eating a big ol' salad for dinner is not the best choice. My ass turned into a salad shooter this morning. Woke me up at 4:45am. It was like shooting oatmeal out of a 6" pvc pipe.

Diello · **Joined:** Sat Oct 08, 2005 9:27 pm **Posts:** 2878

The Nationwide commercial girl.

(not Peyton Manning)

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Gonna try myteamcalls.com for tonight's game for the heck of it. Jake is already cussing.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

jim jack wrote:

Gonna try myteamcalls.com for tonight's game for the heck of it. Jake is already cussing.

They aren't very good.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

jim jack wrote:

Gonna try myteamcalls.com for tonight's game for the heck of it. Jake is already cussing.

They aren't very good.

I take that back. Jake just let out a "Hoe. Lee. Fuck."

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Ok, I'm on board with this now. Jake just said, "Eat a dick, Eli Manning."

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Barry Horn ‏@bhorn55 5m5 minutes ago

Hell has frozen over. Latest DFW sports talk radio ratings. November book. Men 25-54. First ever. Fan 3.9; Ticket 3.7; KESN 2.4.

+++++++++++++++++

The Headline got beat in 25-54 by the ESPN show in the last book, too.

Tit Whistle · **Joined:** Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am **Posts:** 15284

Somewhere, PSC is weeping.

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Tit Whistle wrote:

Somewhere, PSC is weeping.

or somesuch · **Posted:** Wed Nov 26, 2014 11:54 am

Norm is more listenable than the headline.

cap · **Posted:** Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:42 pm

check the ratings and DFW agrees with you

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

DFW TV Ratings:

Auburn/Bama 7.5
Tech/Baylor 5.5
Mich/Ohio St 5.0
Miss St/Ole Miss 3.6
Fla/Fla St 2.7
National Dog Show 2.4
Mavs/76ers 2.2

Tit Whistle · **Joined:** Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:50 am **Posts:** 15284

Got a voice mail this morning from the boss in which he stated the following: "Two words: Explosive diarrhea."

I assume he's not coming in today. I fucking hope not.

Trained Goucho · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2014 11:18 am

Will Smith is older today than Uncle Phil was when Fresh Prince started.

Sweet Greggo · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:20 am

Presently, this is a tale of the circumstances that led up to my life being changed in a dramatic way And If you'll sit here and listen to me for 60 seconds I'll relay to you the events that led to me becoming a junior royal of a rich American residential area.

I spent my entire life in the west side of Philadelphia and was a frequent visitor to the children's entertainment area where I often forgot about the troubles of my life by playing basketball outside the nearest education centre. one day, two gentlemen with unsavoury intentions began to cause a fuss in my residential area. I was involved in a skirmish and my mother feared for my life, stating that I was to relocate to my close family's residence in a rich American residential area.

or somesuch · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:23 am

You gonna finish that?

Sweet Greggo · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:11 pm

I hailed a taxi service vehicle and as it approached, the registration identification of the vehicle stated "Fresh" and hanging from the rear-view mirror were fuzzy dice. In my own personal experience, I would assuming such festoons were rare. However I chose not to pursue the matter and commanded he take me to Bellaire, California I arrived at the estate in the evening time and told my driver, "Retire to home, I hope to meet again". I surveyed my surroundings, finally arrived. Take my rightful place, heir of a rich American suburb.

Sweet Greggo · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:12 pm

copy pasta, btw. I'm no eww

or somesuch · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:31 pm

mmmmmm copy pasta

Cledus · **Posted:** Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:41 pm

i hate werk. :fist:

jim jack · **Joined:** Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:17 pm **Posts:** 8919

Walked into the office after lunch, and the smell of doodoo greeted me at the front door.

Passing down the hallway to my office, I realized that the women's restroom was the offending room. It was sitting there with the door open, fan off. It took over the entire place, including my office. Every time I would go out, I would come back in to the same damned smell, which lasted for about 90 minutes.

What in the hell, people. Turn on the damn fan. Do I need to make a sign for you?

cap · **Posted:** Fri Dec 12, 2014 8:00 am

Cledus · **Posted:** Fri Dec 12, 2014 1:13 pm

12/12 @ 12:12

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